DC, are you with me?

Qualifications for Power - Church of the Resurrection – Washington, DC

2011-10-22T19:16:00.000-04:00

Qualifications for Power - Church of the Resurrection – Washington, DC

Sept. 8

2011-09-08T23:24:00.003-04:00

So, I'm back to blogging again. It's been a while since I've been on here and I attribute that to being overwhelmed (in an entirely good way) with the many things that have taken place since I last wrote.

As of tonight I have been dating a wonderful man for 8 months. We actually met two summers ago on a FOCUS camp where I was too emotionally-zoned out to notice him - and he was too focused on the kids to get to know me :) Fair enough. But when I was making prospective trips down to D.C., spring of '10, he had his eyes on me, and called dibs for me to be at the FOCUS meeting where he was volunteering. In the fall, let's just say we kept it professional - emails and calls about meetings and Bible studies. But a lunch date in November was really more than just a lunch date, and he would trek across the D.C. metro area to talk to me at parties when he could really only be there for a half-hour max. Then there was Brookwoods, which "sealed the deal." As he ministered to kids on the slopes, my middle-school girls were noticing that something was up between us. The last day of camp these girls asked me, and I might have told them a little bit too much information. Needless to say, the drive back on the bus from New Hampshire to New York City was filled with their jeering and poking fun at our "love." Aside from the middle schoolers, the time I got to spend with Luke on the bus proved that he was more than a good date, but a man that cared deeply about my salvation, and how I was growing closer to God through circumstances in my life.

Tonight we began a "Discipleship Academy" through our church - Church of the Resurrection in D.C. We meet with 10 other people at the church office for about 9 months on Thursday nights and go over various aspects of the Christian faith. Tonight we began a teaching from one of our pastors on The Apostles's Creed.

Also tonight, we were given a quote from Jonathan Edwards in the midst of some discussion about the concept of the Trinity: "There was an eternal society or family in the Godhead, in the Trinity of persons... it seems to have been God's design to admit the Church into the divine family as his son's wife."

Matthew, one of our pastors, also responded to a question concerning the mystery of why the Bible talks so little about the Trinity, though it is such an important concept. He said it would be like for him trying to describe his wife: He would never be able to describe or define her in a way that would do her justice. There is so much to her and it would be almost impossible to explain her fully to anyone. That is why perhaps, he said, the Bible leaves out a "definition" of the Trinity.

I'm going to look forward to these weekly teachings - this oasis of edification.

This Christmas

2011-01-03T13:58:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've updated this blog. Life in DC has been fast-paced and action-packed - and yet this schedule and routine that I have invigorates and excites me in a way that not many seasons of life have before. I participated in many fun activities this past Christmas season. It snowed right before Christmas, which transformed the already beautiful National Mall into a winter wonderland. It was just enough snow to abate mass hysteria in a city that really doesn't see snow that much. I went to a delightful Christmas concert in the National Cathedral featuring St. Albans School, National Cathedral School, and a St. Alban's college from Pretoria, South Africa. The highlight of that concert was watching the lower school choirs mimic the choreography of the South Africans from their perch in the nave balcony. I also participated in my own church's Lessons and Carols service. My mom and good friend from Philly drove down that day to see me! In addition, I entered in two very special times of prayer that a guy from my church organized for Advent. A couple of us from our church met at his house on the hill to pray to ready our hearts for advent. We used the Book of Common Prayer and then a devotional.

I left about a week before Christmas to drive north to Philly to spend the week there with my family. My brother and sister-in-law came in right before Christmas from Boston. The break was super-relaxing and quiet.

Brookwoods, the FOCUS middle school Winter House Party in New Hampshire started with a bang, but I will leave that update for another blog entry...

Political Awareness

2010-10-03T12:26:00.002-04:00

Ever since I've moved to D.C. my political awareness has been uncovered, like shoots coming up out of the ground after a long winter. I took a looong hiatus after coming back from the West Bank because my heart was dangerously polarized on several issues, and to spend any amount of energy on the stances I had taken after time in the Middle East would have wasted time.

However, coming here has given me freedom again to explore these interests. Time has healed a lot of what was "roughed up," and now I'm in a city where it is normal to explore these things. After having been so affected by anger and hatred in a war-zone, God seemed to shut out all other options except to "love your enemies." And in my heart, whenever I thought about my time there, that's what I tried to do.

I don't know if I'm ever going back there again, but I know that as I revisit these issues and begin to discuss them with people (like a guy from my church who just came back from a trip to Israel/West Bank), I have to keep certain things in mind, as I was reminded this morning as I read a quote from Philip Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew." He says:

"A political movement by nature draws lines, makes distinctions, pronounces judgement; in contrast, Jesus' love cuts across lines, transcends distinctions, and dispenses grace. Regardless of the merits of a given issue - whether a pro-life lobby out of the Right or a peace-and-justice lobby out of the Left - political movements risk pulling onto themselves the mantle of power that smothers love. From Jesus I learn that, whatever activism I get involved in, it must not drive out love and humility, or otherwise I betray the kingdom of heaven."

First Day On The Job

2010-09-27T22:59:00.003-04:00

(taken at the National Cathedral, hanging out before the meeting at St. Alban's)

It started when I poured orange juice into my cereal.... ahhh...

But then I ground some coffee beans and had a glorious quiet time in Isaiah 3 and a chapter from Elizabeth Elliot's "Keep a Quiet Heart."

It really isn't my first day on the job. I've technically been "working" on the ground here in D.C. since the 9th of September - but this was the first day of the first week of school meetings.

Tonight was the D.C. Upper School meeting, which currently combines high-schoolers from St. Alban's and National Cathedral - about 12 students tonight. We decided this year to host the meeting on campus, which we hope will attract more "drive-bys" (students who stop in for the pizza.. and then will hopefully stay).

Tonight was a great meeting. After "getting-to-know-you" introductions, and a traveling Pictionary game, Kendra led a study on the Psalms, specifically Psalm 19:1-6. We spoke about how we can get to know God through creation, and how He desires a relationship with us.

My favorite line from the evening came from a 10th grade boy from St. Alban's, a rower. Kendra asked, "How have you seen God in creation?" He replied, "Ok, this might sound kind of cheezy, but have you ever seen a newborn baby?"

This is NOT what I expected from the mouth of a 10-graders. This kid is awesome. Of course, all these kids are awesome, and they remind me again of what a privilege it is to have a front-row seat, watching God in their lives.

A Need for Older Women

2010-09-27T09:50:00.002-04:00

This morning I was acutely aware of my need to pour out my heart to an older woman. Though I have an amazing confidant in my mother, and have women I can call - it means a lot to have someone HERE. The busyness and excitement of D.C. which continue to thrill and encourage can make it very easy to put this kind of thing off, but there are still things (there always will be) for which I need immense wisdom and prayer.

Elizabeth Elliot included this quote in her book, "Keep a Quiet Heart," which encouraged me greatly as I begin regular school meetings this week:

"Say not you cannot gladden, elevate, and set free; that you have nothing of the grace of influence; that all you have to give is at the most only common bread and water. Give yourself to your Lord for the service of men with what you have. Cannot He change water into wine? Cannot He make stammering words to be instinct (imbued, filled, charged) with saving power? Cannot He change trembling efforts to help into deeds of strength? Cannot He still, of old, enable you in all your personal poverty 'to make many rich?' God has need of thee for the service of thy fellow men. He has a work for thee to do. To find out what it is, and then to do it, is at once thy supremist duty and thy highest wisdom. 'Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it.'" (Canon George Body, b. 1840)

I'm excited to see who comes along. In New Haven I had former workers in the Middle East, like me. This week I hope to attend a community group from my church on Thursday, and maybe begin meeting in a "triad" from church as well - "a group of three people (women) that gathers weekly over a set period of time for intensive discipleship through prayer, transparency, accountability and Bible study." -that sounds intense! But I am assured that God will provide what I need as I seek it.

D.C.

2010-09-19T22:21:00.003-04:00

I'm finally here. I moved about a week and a half ago to an apartment in Capitol Hill that I almost cried over when I entered the threshold. It's awesome. We have 3, yup 3 porches, and the third is a huge one right outside my bedroom. I feel secure and stable here in a way I didn't in New Haven. Perhaps it was because I thought I might move out after a year because of the conditions, but I'm glad I stuck it out :)

D.C. is wonderful. Every day brings me new things to be excited about - whether it's new, secret, tucked-away parks, driving through Rock Creek Park, or seeing the hustle and bustle of Columbia Heights; I still can't get over the excitement of living here. I can walk/run to the Capitol building from my house - and once I get a little more in shape, I'm going to venture down to the Potomac and jog along the river.

My roommates are fantastic. Eden is a nurse practitioner, who's family has had a long history of FOCUS involvement in the GWA (Greater Washington Area). She was in a small group, my first year in New Haven, with my two other co-workers while she was at nursing school. Monica, my other roommate, I have adored since I had her in my freshman bible study (as a sophomore) which I led during my senior year at Davidson. We share similar experiences from our study abroad semesters in Ecuador; as well as many college friends in the area. She is also a nurse practitioner who knew Eden while at nursing school.

My church is awesome. Eden told me about it last year and it sounded like the vibrant, Spirit-seeking church I was attending in New Haven - plus the background in Anglican tradition I love, sound teaching, and a lot of young people! The crazy thing is that my freshman and sophomore year roommate in college, and a friend from my growing up years in Philly also attend the church!

And FOCUS was officially "kicked off" today with a lovely picnic at Fletcher's Cove this afternoon. I was overwhelmed by the support and interest that students, parents, and volunteers showed. We are going to have a fabulous year! I drove 4 students from Episcopal High School (a boarding/day school in Alexandria, VA) to the event, and we're trying to start a meeting there soon. The school is as yet unwelcome to FOCUS meetings on campus.

Of course, I'm intimidated by the year ahead. This is much more student contact than I've ever had before, and I'm going to have to plan my time well to make meetings on time around D.C. traffic patterns. But I feel sent here.

Last week at church, the pastor preached on Paul's time in Corinth. He said how it's no accident that we are in D.C. Whether we're here for an internship or a job, God has CALLED us to this city for a specific reason, for as long as He has appointed us here. I feel God's hand on me here - from picking my roommates and apartment; to garnering the support, enthusiasm, and contacts to begin ministry here. I am extremely thankful.

I pray for myself to be as dependent on God equally in the hard and easy times. And I just pray I can be faithful and find joy during my time here.

Last Talk of the Summer (Middle School Adventure B) (on the Holy Spirit and "going home" after camp)

2010-09-02T14:25:00.005-04:00

What is your favorite sport? (field hockey, crew)

Do you have a memorable coach?

What were qualities about these coaches that made them magnificent? (dedication, personal attention) (Ms. Buggy, Mrs. Kanopka)

Imagine your coach leaving right before one of your most important games of the season

Imagine how helpless you would feel

Jesus’ disciples faced a similar predicament –

Night before Jesus dies on the Cross, He tells them that He will die, be raised again, and then go to heaven

Remember: they had given up 3 years of their lives to follow Jesus; their leader was leaving; they weren’t “Christian pro’s” (fishermen, tax collectors, normal)

Jesus doesn’t leave them alone – He gives them a promise that is ours as well – if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we have the Holy Spirit.

2 main things: Who the Holy Spirit is – and then the tools that the Holy Spirit uses to draw us closer to God

First, let’s READ John 14:15-18, 23-27 – to hear what Jesus has to say about the Holy Spirit

This is great news to the disciples who thought they would have to go on alone after all that Jesus had taught them; facing real opposition (remember, all of them but one was killed for believing in Jesus)

We will most likely NOT face death in our lives because of our faith – but we need the SAME assurance that Jesus gives these disciples

Go back to the sports analogy. Imagine if your coach’s instruction, encouragement, and discipline were living inside of you.The Holy Spirit is God living inside of you. This is so much better than a coach!

The Holy Spirit is part of what’s called, the Trinity – God the Father, God theSon, God the Holy Spirit

No perfect analogy to describe this concept

Let me tell you a personal story of how the Holy Spirit has helped me

My junior fall semester in college I spent in Latin America – beauty and poverty

My time there was really difficult emotionally

Stuff I experienced there affected me really deeply.

One of the lies I was believing while I was there: I am ALONE.

One of the first things Jesus says about the Holy Spirit – Spirit of Truth

What’s the opposite of truth? LIES

What are some of the things Jesus says to counter this LIE of being alone?

Truth #1: v.16 “this Counsellor will be with you forever”

REMINDER – I have to write things on my hand all the time. One of the ways the Holy Spirit sends us messages and reminders of truth is through reading the Bible. Sometimes I’ve read a part of the Bible, and felt like the ink was still wet – like God was speaking directly to me. That is the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit also works to give us PEACE in the midst of difficult circumstances. Jesus says specifically in the verses we just read that He gives peace that is different than the world gives.

What does that mean? The peace in this world, we usually have to work for – it takes effort on our part to get peace and quiet in our lives, and it is often beyond our controlThe peace the Holy Spirit gives comes OUT OF our relationship with God that is NOW at peace. If we have accepted Jesus into our Lives – we KNOW who’s in control, and we KNOW He is good.

This last part of my talk is to talk about the TOOLS that the Holy Spirit can us to draw us closer to God

- as I mentioned, reading the Bible reminds us of truth and teaches us more about God – imagine if someone you really loved had written a bunch of love letters, it would be silly to store them all away and never read them – The Bible tells us about who God is, how He feels about us, and what He’s done for us. If the Holy Spirit is our coach, reading the Bible is like reading the play-book

- We’ve been talking about having a relationship with God, and this happens by getting to know Him – just like you would with any new friend. Remember how maybe the first time you talk to a friend on the phone it’s kind of awkward, you’re not used to their voice – but if you talk to them often – you get to recognize their voice! It’s like that with God – the more time you spend listening to Him in prayer and reading His word, the more you will recognize His voice. He will tell you when you are wrong, and when you are right. And most of all, He will remind you, like I said, that you are loved by Him

- Another tool: Fellowship. Fellowship is simply a fancy word spending time with other Christians. The purpose is to encourage us in our faith and relationship with God. Just like God designed us to be in relationship with Him, He desires us to be in relationship with each other – relationships that are based on Him. It’s like spending time with your teammates. You can’t play a game very well if you don’t know your teammates. It also makes the game so much more enjoyable. If they are Christians, they also have the Holy Spirit, so like in a game, they will also remember the “coach’s” instructions and encouragement.

- Lastly, God calls us to love one another – not just our teammates, but others who don’t know God. And one of the ways we can love them is to tell them about God and what He has done in our lives. One thing that is so fantastic about the Holy Spirit is that it can create change in us that others notice before we do – and that can make them want the peace and the joy that we have because Jesus is King in our lives. Remember how a leader told Rihanna how much she had changed since her last camp? That’s the Holy Spirit at work in her!

Guys – I want you to know that you are not alone. Like Heather said, the invitation to know God is waiting for you. And once you RSVP, the Holy Spirit begins working in your life and will be with you forever

I’m going to close with Isaiah 43:1-3 “This is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob; He who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, you God, the Holy One of Israel.”

Passion Pit - Little Secrets - i've been obsessed with this song.. and video

2010-08-18T16:54:00.000-04:00

Crossroads B

2010-08-04T15:46:00.002-04:00

What an amazing camp. It's unbelievable that I have two more week-long camps left of this summer. Crossroads B is a camps specifically geared for students going into either 9th or 10th grades.

The camp began with a hilarious and memorable afternoon in Vineyard Haven. Around 11:30 on the first day of camp, I picked up some early arrivals from the airport - a girl from Richmond, and a girl from Baltimore. Both of these girls I became pretty tight with as the camp went on. We decided to head into Vineyard Haven, as students weren't technically allowed to be "on site" until later in the afternoon. We went to get sandwiches at Mocha Motts, and as we sat down, a large man and his friend asked us to watch his dog for us. This would have been fine, except this dog was clearly a watch-dog, and very scary. It got riled up as it saw other dogs, which intimidated the three of us. However, thanks to our kindness to this stranger, he gave us a combined $30 gift certificate to the store he owned down the street!! I guess it pays to help a stranger out :)

My cabin was a hoot. These girls had me and my co-cabin leader, Corbin, in stitches every evening. The patience and love we showed this girls became more and more fun as we got to know this crop of girls who were mostly all originally from DC. There were a bunch of students from DC, so that was wonderful. I now feel like vision for my future work is growing :)

Fellowship Talk at Internship One

2010-07-24T22:08:00.002-04:00

given on Friday morning, July 16th -

Fellowship talk at Internship One

INTRO

Two years ago I came up to this study center to lead at Internship One, a total wreck. I had just flown back to the States from the West Bank (which is next to Israel) two months before my arrival here.
So fresh in my mind was this experience that I had just had of spending six months in the West Bank, working at a university student center in a town, hanging out with students, and learning about the political situation there up close.

If anyone knows anything about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, you know that it is incredibly complex, emotionally charged, and honestly seemingly hopeless.
And that’s exactly how I felt – conflicted, emotionally charged, and hopeless.
I had honestly had gone to my limit emotionally and physically.

Not only that, but I also felt like a total failure because I had had to leave about a month and a half early. I wasn’t able to handle the emotional and physical toll this experience was having on me. So therefore, when I arrived at the study center in early July 2008, I was also wrestling with guilt and shame, on top of the immense grief and anger I felt from my time in the West Bank.

I came up to Internship because Jon-Marc had asked me to, on a previous program that summer that I also volunteered at. I should have actually been job-searching, but the fun and the emotional space, and more importantly, the connection with God and with other Christians that I had been given on that previous program showed me that I needed to lead at Internship for my spiritual survival.

However, showing up at the vineyard in the state I was in, felt like showing up to a group project badly prepared – You know what that’s like. You feel awful about it, but there is nothing you can do. There’s only so much of a front you can put up before people around you realize what a mess you truly are.

But what helped me overcome that initial fear was that I’d known enough about Christian fellowship and my experience at FOCUS programs, to know that the people I was going to be with would show love and grace, regardless.

So, instead of having people shun me, feel sorry for me, or scold me for the emotional and spiritual darkness I was going through, I remember feeling totally accepted for who I was, HOW I was – but then ALSO encouraged toward transformation that only God could bring.

I remember the first night I was there at the study center, sitting around in this barn with a couple of the leaders even before the students got there – just praying for each other – hearing about where we were emotionally and spiritually coming into the program, and our greatest expectations and greatest fears about the camp that lay ahead.

Three things happened in that time that sum up what true Christian fellowship is all about. And you might want to write this down (possibly overhead ECW)

There was encouragement, comfort, and we wrestled in prayer for one another.
(I’m going to say that again).
There was encouragement, comfort, and we wrestled in prayer for one another.

I didn’t just get this from my head, Paul talks about it in a passage in Colossians.

I want to show you how Paul and fellow Christian friends experienced this kind of fellowship.
Let’s look at Colossians 4:7-18. Everyone please turn there. Please look up when you have it.
(READ passage

Let me give you some context to this passage. As we’ve said before in other talks, while Paul is writing this letter to the Colossians, he is in prison. You might have a title above this section in your Bible that says something like, “Final Greetings.” He wants to address these people directly, or pass along greetings.

Imagine a few weeks from now that you want to write a letter to some people from this internship. You might use language that shows how much these relationships mean to you.

Paul uses some dear language here to describe and communicate how important these relationships are to him.

So where do we see ENCOURAGEMENT, COMFORT, AND WRESTLING IN PRAYER?

ENCOURAGEMENT
Remember how I said Paul was separated from these people? Why does he send Tychicus? He sends him so that the Colossians could know about how Paul was doing. Because they were concerned. How does Paul describe Tychicus? As a dear brother.

Think about people that have encouraged you – What does encouragement do?

It literally means to give courage to another’s heart.

Maybe you’ve had a coach that pressed you on further than you thought possible. Perhaps you have people back at home, or here that have given courage to your heart to face tough situations at home or at school.

COMFORT
How do we see comfort in this passage? It seems that in v.11, Paul describes his friendship with Justus as a real comfort to him. Why? Because he is one of the only workers for the Jews among him.

Imagine moments where you have been lonely, and all of a sudden a friend shows up, and their presence is reassuring to you.

WRESTLING
Finally, what does it mean to wrestle in prayer? Where do we see it here in this passage? Paul describes Epaphras as someone that has wrestled in prayer for the Colossians.

How many of you have ever wrestled? I’m sure some of the guys have! I’m not an expert on wrestling, but I know it’s not easy. That’s why sometimes wrestling in prayer often is called “laboring” in prayer. Agonizing, struggling over something – with God.

FINALLY
Paul talks about in v. 12, if you look at it, that there is a further goal to fellowship than just experiencing encouragement, comfort, and wrestling in prayer. The purpose is that God gives us the gift of fellowship, of other Christians in our lives to accomplish this:
That we would stand firm in the will of God; that we would be mature; and that we would be fully assured of what we believe (go back to overhead)

Let me go back to my story for a little bit.

As the camp progressed, I sensed a massive “culture” of acceptance, of grace, of acknowledging our weaknesses to each other in freedom; of correcting each other in love. Amazing things happened among our community - People acknowledged areas to one another in their lives where they had been struggling over eating disorders, lust, and depression – and we able to call out the lies we believed, the “philosophies” that we’d been taught and had been engrained within us; and then acknowledge the truth of God that could combat these lies that we’d struggled with for so long.
And within this “culture of grace,” I like to call it – we could bring each other to the ONE that we all knew could really take care of our sorrows and our struggles.

Ok, so that first night of Internship 2008, having a place to voice these circumstances I had just come out of and be prayed for, began the process of transformation.

This is because we were ENCOURAGING one another.

We were COMFORTING one another.
We were, in essence, dressing each other’s wounds of hurt and bitterness through our patience with one another, and just mere presence as we hung out.
And we also WRESTLED in prayer for one another.
We met each other in prayer and brought each other before the only true Healer.

It was a culture that was founded on and moved ahead by our love for God – and foundationally and essentially – His love for us and acceptance of us.

And this encouragement, comfort and wrestling in prayer did not end there. It’s NOT supposed to. God desires to give us what we need at home, wherever we are – that we may be encouraged, comforted, and prayed for.

I know what you’re thinking – “I see that at work here! But I really want to see that at home… HOW does that happen when I’m not around all these people again, and in this context?”

How do think Paul became friends with these people that he says are encouraging, comforting and that have wrestled in prayer?

Well, how do you become friends with people?
You live your lives with them. This is nothing fancy.
How do you think college friends are often so much closer than any other friends than any other stage in life? Life is lived together, doing not just the spiritual things of prayer, but you also eat meals with together, walk to class together.

I don’t think Paul would have made many friends if he was constantly in intense conversations or prayer all the time.
However, he knew the value of fellowship. And he knew that at its core, if it is to grow us more assured of what God wants for our lives, it would include encouragement, comfort, and wrestling in prayer for one another.

I’m going to leave you all with a final story about fellowship, and I hope this encourages you (hey!) to think practically and also intentionally.

In New Haven, every Sunday night, after church, my friends and I would gather at someone’s house, have dinner and play games – like literally, the same games we play here at FOCUS during game time or downtime. Now, let me tell you something about this group of people. It was incredibly random.….. We had a Yale graduate student in sculpture, a University of New Haven grad student in forensic psychology, 3 FOCUS staff workers, a coach, a teacher, a scientist, and an architect. If you think our professions were diverse, you should have seen our personalities. However as hosts, and as Christians, we accepted each other, and we kept our focus on Christ. And because of this, the love that we had for each other spread throughout our community and many of our friends that would NEVER even think to talk about their spiritual beliefs, started coming to church and asking us questions about our lives.

A final thing that I want to say about fellowship is this.

You might now know where to start. You may not have many Christian friends where you are, but I would ask you to pray about it.

These relationships at Internship One will continue, as they did for me after two years ago.
Ask God to provide for you, and He will. We were not made to be dependent on our experiences at camp, as Jon-Marc talked about last night. We were made to live in fellowship always – to have this encouragement, comfort, and wrestling with prayer for and with one another at all stages and seasons of our life.

Internship One 2010

2010-07-12T17:25:00.002-04:00

I just got back from weeding at Felix Neck Bird Sanctuary with about 12 students, and earlier this morning, directed a "FOCUS"-version triathlon. I was actually pretty overwhelmed with these tasks just 24 hours ago.

To direct this triathlon, I and another leader had to figure out where students would be stationed, when, how, and what exactly we needed to do to make a successful race involving a 1/4 mile swim, 1 mile run, 1 mile bike ride, another 1 mile bike ride, a final 1 mile run, and then a short sprint carrying members of the team. It felt like a massive SAT math problem. But everyone was into it!

More importantly, this morning in our staff devotions, one of the leaders led some thoughts and prayer out of Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

This was very confirming, that even though working through the logistics of this triathlon was a pain, it would definitely be worth it.

The weeding was a part of the service aspect of our program which comes out of the teaching program for this camp which we are taking out of the book of Colossians.

Even though I find myself somewhat distracted at this camp because of certain circumstances in my life - God is clearly at work among this 40 prep school students on the Vineyard. "Hoo-ray," as Richard Gwathmey (long-time Philly staffworker would say).

A Gift

2010-07-02T22:47:00.011-04:00

Soon after I left New Haven, a talented friend of mine made a piece of art for me as a going-away gift. I didn't realize how meaningful it would be.

She took two of my favorite U2 songs, and extracted a certain portion of the lyrics, and watercolored the background.

The lyrics are from "Bad" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)"

This is the piece in entirety:

And this is what she wrote about it:

"I'm glad you got the gift! I never found time to write a card to go along with it. It would have explained what I was thinking with the piece- it's small but I think it came out more powerful than I imagined- I'm so glad these were your favorite songs. I was baffled by how deep the lyrics were and how in my mind, the lines that I extracted from the two songs fit together so well. The lyrics for the first song, though I've never heard it in full before, just seemed somber but real. I feel like this is our reality. Apart from Christ, this is where we are, struggling through different situations of painful desperation- and the words they chose were perfect to express the anguish. I imagined this as a note to us from Jesus- "Let it go, let these things go" and in a sense it is a cry of empathy for us, but it is also a command. "What more in the name of love" referring to His sacrifice, that washed away all the chains and oppression of this reality, He is saying 'What more can I ask- my sacrifice is perfect. Let it go, I have better for you."
I don't know, I looked at that combo over and over after I put it together and I just kept hearing the Spirit tell me that the grasp sin has over us might not be as tight as I imagine it to be. That in my fear, in my oppression, I give it power, but He can and will enpower me to let go and be free in Christ. I want that for you too. I want us to know what it looks like to love and live in freedom because of Christ."

The Rain

2010-06-12T22:08:00.007-04:00

The rain is strangely soothing. When it pours, you can't do anything. All you can do is listen to it - and that is all you need to do.

I'm in the midst of much transition. Some of my readers may notice that I've entirely changed my blog (this happens each time I move). Instead of moving across the ocean, I'm moving down the coast of the eastern U.S., into the heart of D.C. It's what I've always wanted - but this is not exactly how I'd imagined it coming about.

As a young, bright, and naive political science major fresh out of college, I knew that the heart of the political pulse of America is D.C. and that one day, if I hoped to change the world in a "social action" way, I would live there. I still carry what that education taught me (plus a grad degree now); but I'm coming as the servant of something much larger than my own ego or dreams or definitions of "change" I'd learned in those classes. I'm much more sobered and balanced; and God knew I wouldn't have done any good moving to D.C. back then.

The dreams I dreamed then though were not only real, but many have been and are definitely being answered in much larger ways than I realize. Working for FOCUS has healed so many things that I never dared to pray would get better. But when our boss told us (me and Kendra) in January that our jobs were being cut after August for financial reasons, I could see that God was putting something new into motion. I still don't fully understand what or why this happening. I can barely imagine what this move will bring. Like a steady rain storm that drowns out all other sound but the pelting of precipitation, New Haven brought me to a point in which I stopped all the "activity" that had been filling my life, and I sat immovably fixed inside the well of God's resources for awhile, shoring up valuable resources until the time He chose for the skies to clear.

Well, in a way they have. Restoration surely happened and I'm eager to burst out of the gates and figure out what this new season is all about. But this rain storm reminds me that there is a flood of resources and peace abounding, which I tend to forget on bright and sunny days.

I grieve the loss of doing ministry in the New England Boarding Schools (NEBS). I tremble at the responsibilities ahead in the Greater Washington Area (GWA). I hope God comes and brings a rain storm once in awhile and I have a strong hunch, He will.

A talk that I never ended up giving

2010-05-19T17:38:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, Rob, our boss, volunteered me to speak at an event we were having near a girl's school in Farmington, CT. Well, it turned out to be a terrible weekend for about every boarding school student we knew, and as a result, no one could come.

However, writing this talk was a richly rewarding experience. People prayed for me that I would learn new things about myself and God - and that definitely happened.

For some reason, several weeks ago, the parable of the Prodigal Son was on my mind. Perhaps my spirit needed reassurance of God's love. I also might have been thinking about how the role of the elder son played into the story - since that is the character I most resemble in the parable.

Jesus actually highlights the character of the elder son, if you look closely at the story. He is preaching this story both to reckless sinners, and reckless stuck-up religious freaks (who think they know everything). He points the story to these latter group of people - making sure they are aware that, not only are they rejecting God's mercy, but they are failing to enjoy and relish in a great party. May I never think I am beyond God's mercy and grace.

Here is the talk, as I have it written out in my notes:

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine from high school posted some old photos of us on facebook. Photos of us from high school. Be warned – a couple years from now, your friends will be posting embarrassing photos of you too.
However I was really struck by two of the photos I was tagged in. I looked like two different people. In one of them, which was taken at our prep school – I looked like a little J.Crew model with a smile that was really contrived and fake.
In the other, I looked like a stoned-out girl (like most of my friends) who rejected the conformity that we lived in at school.
I was caught between two worlds. In school, at Episcopal Academy, I played the Christian girl role – no drinking, no cussing, always modest. But I was never really myself, and I really resented the fact that this “Christian role” put so many boundaries on my freedom. I was starting to resent my faith.
On the weekends, however it was a slightly different story. The rebellious side of me came out. But this was never who I really was either. And what was harder was that my friends really knew that.

So why was I living a life of split-personalities?
I realize as I look back that my view of God was split in two ways; being really good and thinking that my life was all about conformity to God’s rules; and being really bad and going wildly in the other direction away from all I knew was right. The tension was enormous. Though I had been raised in a Christian home and had called myself a Christian for many years, I was unaware that there was a third option – an invitation to know this God better and understand what a life based on Him really meant.

So you might be surprised to know that there are actually two ways to run away from God - either by being very, very bad; or by being very, very good. Really? You can run from God by being good?
But how is that possible, you may ask?
Well, Jesus shows us how it’s possible in the story of the Prodigal Son, which is actually a story about two sons and a father – and how they deal with three things REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION.

Like watching a movie, Jesus told his listeners this parable to connect them with certain recognizable themes of human nature and therefore teach them what it means to put faith in Him.

So as we read the story, keep those three words in mind: REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION

READ Luke 15:11-32

REJECTION – a wrong view of God
Remember the three R’s we’re looking for? REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION
How do we see REJECTION in this story? These two sons that reject their father in different ways.
YOUNGER SON
We see the younger son rejecting his father by immediately demanding his full share of the estate (basically wishing he were dead). He squanders it and is obviously reckless in his stewardship of the money. It kind of reminds me of Paris Hilton; as one of the more reckless heiress’ of the Hilton fortune.
We don’t know exactly why the son rejects his father, but he obviously thinks that he can have a better life far away from home and far away from his father.

How do we see rejection with the elder son? It is far more subtle. Though he obeys everything his father tells him to do, he thinks of himself as a slave in his father’s house, and not as a son. The elder son has no real love for his father.

It was kind of like how I viewed God when I was in high school. My obedience was far more out of an attitude of slavery than love. Like the elder son’s relationship with his father, my faith was characterized more by resentment than joy, and I saw myself as more of a slave than a child of a Father.

Jesus shows us through these two sons that we can also reject God in similar ways. Like the younger son, we reject God when we decide that what we want for our lives is FAR better than what God wants. We say, “Give me what you have NOW.. and I’ll spend it in exactly the opposite way you said.”

Like the elder son, we can also reject God by viewing Him as a slave master, not thinking he really loves us. We therefore don’t really love Him and end up living out of bondage to Him.

Both of these rejections are called sin. It’s what separates us from God and all that He wants for us.

REUNION – the Father goes out to meet them

Let’s turn to the second R letter. Do you remember what is was? REUNION

The Father is in an interesting situation. He has two sons that bitterly hate him and respond to him in vastly different ways. One son outrightly denies him; and the other seemingly respects him for a long time, but is only paying lip service. What is amazing is that the Father goes out of his way to BOTH of them to receive them back into relationship with himself.

With the younger son, he excessively expresses his joy at his son’s return – even though the son only expects his father to take him back as a servant at best. It’s kind of like one of those classic movie scenes where you can almost see the Father running at slow motion toward his son, face full of emotion. We don’t really know what the son’s face showed, probably dread, shock, and then joy. But this reunion is backed up with the best the father can offer, a great party.

When the older son refuses to come join the party, the father also goes out to him, pleading with him; and ultimately inviting him to better understand what kind of father he actually is – one that would never deny his son anything – if only his son would see that this relationship is one of freedom and joy, not slavery.

I know for me; I was finally blown away when I realized that God not only ran out to forgive me for my rebellion and distrust of Him, but also for the ways I had viewed Him as a task-master.

REDEMPTION
So we have REJECTION, REUNION, and now REDEMPTION

Redemption means to buy or win back. It also means to free from captivity by payment.

The younger son is offered redemption – total acceptance back into the family. It would be like if at boarding school, a student that was expelled was allowed to come back, and not only allowed to come back, but placed in the honor classes and given the best seats on student councils.

In this story, the younger son takes up his father’s offer, and is thoroughly invited back into relationship with his dad. He is clothed with a new life, called redemption.

It is interesting however that we don’t know whether the elder son takes up his father’s offer to come join the party.

But here’s the Good News for both of them, if they receive the father’s offer, they have full rights again as sons, and a greater understanding of their father’s love for them that will change EVERYTHING.

CONCL

This is where Jesus leaves us in the story.

As the narrator, Jesus shows us that there are two ways to rebel against God. Like a true or false question, we can either agree with what Jesus says about Himself, or we cannot. However, there are two ways to disagree – one of them being far less subtle than the other. Both of these are called sin. This is the REJECTION illustrated in the story.
We can strike out in opposition to a relationship with God by saying we know what’s best for ourselves however we feel is right; by either being very good or very bad.

In all of this though, there was a price to be paid. Jesus tells this parable to point to himself, that the only way to be in a relationship with God is through Him. God can’t just receive us back into relationship with Himself without the problem of sin being dealt with.

The Cross was where the ultimate price was paid for ransom from our captivity to sin. This is where the REUNION is offered and REDEMPTION can be ours. Without Christ’s death on a Cross, we cannot be in relationship with God; because this Father must punish sin, by death. However, if, when offered this opportunity for REUNION, we take it, the Good News is that we then have a New Life – REDEMPTION.

When I realized this, summer going into my junior year of high school, it changed everything. Though I was already a Christian, I accepted this invitation to know God better as the Father that really does offer everything that is good to us.

How about you? What’s your impression of Christianity? Is it all rule-keeping? Is it more about what you’ve done for God; or is it about what God has done for us? This story is one of many examples in the Bible that shows us the Good News - that being a Christian is about God coming out to meet us in our rejection of Him through Jesus Christ.

Do you stand there before God like the self-sufficient son, thinking that you can come to God with your good works? Or will you be like the younger son and decide to wear that cloak and join the party that was made for you?

Nashat Filmon

2010-03-09T18:42:00.001-05:00

My colleague from grad school (Eastern University) talks about the war from the view of a Palestinian Arab Christian. It's awesome. I have been blessed by him and his other colleagues that I was privileged to work with when I was in the West Bank.

Time in Boston

2010-02-23T22:36:00.002-05:00

Last Monday I met a FOCUS student on the North End and we had a blast of an afternoon. Boston is fantastic, and I hadn't hung out there in awhile, though I go there about every other week to a school. This girl and I met last year at a FOCUS leadership retreat and realized we had very similar experiences in high school. So she basically deals with similar issues I dealt with high school. Beyond that, we also share a love of international politics and delicious ethnic food (especially Middle Eastern food!).

We walked around the North End, popping in and out of Italian pastry shops, and then ate delicious falafel sandwiches in a tucked away, Middle Eastern grocery store! We spent 2 hours talking in another Italian pastry shop sipping away at our coffee and tea, biting into a chocolate mousse pastry, and talked about faith, boys, and college.

For dinner, I hung out with another delightful girl who goes to a boarding school and I took her out to an Indian restaurant she'd never been to, but badly wanted to check out. It was Bollywood themed - right down to the actors and actresses' pictures under the glass on the table. We talked about random, hilarious things - which, in the midst of her heavy workload, and my deep-conversation packed day, was a lot of fun.

I headed back to the other girls' house where I talked with her parents and siblings over their meal of salad and pasta, and then homebaked cookies (made with molasses). We chatted about FOCUS, family, and future plans.

It's always nice to meet students' families because it gives you a much larger picture of their lives, as well as introducing a more holistic picture for ministry to that student. Not to mention the important fact that families get to put a face to a name when they hear their kids talk about "this FOCUS staff person" that comes to their games or takes them out for coffee!

I really enjoyed that day, and I look forward to more as spring approaches. These students are so special and reveal so much of the Lord's love to me every time I hang out with them. It is a joy to know them, even more to dig deeper in their hearts and see the fruition of faith in their lives.

Lunch Meeting

2010-02-19T15:11:00.003-05:00

I just finished a meeting at a girl's school near Hartford, CT. Apparently these girls had been meeting on their own for weeks for fellowship and bible study without telling us! Well, that's boarding school students for you - independent and full of initiative.

After walking through their busy cafeteria to get a salad, I followed these girls upstairs to a lounge area, lit by some skylights. I didn't have a bible study planned because I told these girls I just wanted to sit in. However, they introduced me with much fanfare and the girls gushed about the awesome times they had enjoyed at camp this past summer. I look forward to next week when we can actually sing FOCUS songs with a guitar (instead of accompella, trying to remember them, to give the girls a "taste" of camp) and actually dig into the word.

Then one of the girls wanted to practice giving a school tour with me. I could have stayed longer, but these girls needed to do their homework and I look forward to being there next week, hopefully with Kendra, and maybe we could go out to Starbucks afterwards.

Yes, this job is amazing.

God's crazy direction

2010-01-27T14:17:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I reach points in my life that are absolutely blank pages. It's crazy how they happen. God shuts a door (I don't really know how they happen), and then I find myself somewhere amazing - much more amazing than I could have planned.

As a bit of encouragement and reflection, I'm going to list some of those moments now:

- At Davidson, when I didn't get the hall counselor position. I remember I looked at the world map over my roommate, Mary Donoghue's bed, and decided Ecuador was the place to study abroad!

- Independent study in Ecuador: Where the heck was I going to go? Well, I knew I wanted to be in the Amazon, working with an indigenous political organziation. But one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Ecuador in the first place was because of stories I'd heard growing up of Elizabeth and Jim Elliot. Wouldn't you know it that I ended up working with the indigenous organziation the represents the Waorani's to the Ecuadorian government.

- Field semester in grad school: I was trying to get back to South Africa, but felt less and less peace about it, and finding it frustratingly hard to get a work or volunteer position there. I had ALWAYS wanted to go to the "Holy Land." And wouldn't you know it, I ended up working with university students (awesome!) right smack in areas where Americans don't normally go (sweet!). And I also learned some of the biggest lessons of my life.

- Working for FOCUS: Now, THAT was random :) I needed tremendous emotional and spiritual healing after the West Bank. So I ended up with some of the best co-workers and supportive staff team I've ever had, with an organization I grew up with, and spent a summer on Martha's Vineyard!! The work is such a blessing!

Conclusion: God is crazy, creative, and intimately personal. He knows what I want before I ask. What's even more amazing is that I don't deserve it. Timothy 1:9 (New International Version)
who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,

Something to think about!

2009-12-04T00:15:00.002-05:00

This is an article from the American Association for Palestinian Equal Rights about Bethlehem. Just today I was thinking about Christ's presence in the streets of that city.

http://www.aaper.org/site/apps/nlnet/content2.aspx?c=quIXL8MPJpE&b=5492575&content_id={D0D242AF-D852-4462-831B-6A8D146BDEA8}&notoc=1

Encounter with Bono

2009-11-20T13:50:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning, around 8 am, we were finishing up a Bible study on the Upper East side of New York city with some Sacred Heart middle school girls who had attended a FOCUS camp this past summer when I had my encounter with Bono from U2.

Several months ago I had a dream in which I had told him that his music had really ministered to me. I don't remember much surrounding the dream, except that I had said that clearly to him and he was really encouraged.

I've been struggling lately with what it means to believe God when I keep failing into the same ruts or patterns. The night before the encounter I had been talking with my good friend and co-worker about how to trust God in certain areas and step out in faith.

The whole interaction with Bono began when my two co-workers from NY and I were gathering up our things to leave the diner in which we had just hosted the early morning bible study with those middle school girls. I spotted a man outside down below who looked exactly like Bono, but I wrote it off because I wasn't sure. As we exited and turned the corner on 91st and Madison, we brushed up next to Bono who was saying goodbye to his child and wife. We stopped after a few moments and I told me friend the dream I'd had a few months ago. "Well, he's in there right now," she said. Yup! He sure was! I felt a confirmation in my spirit that this was a step of faith that God wanted me to take. I went back in the diner, told my friend who was paying the bill what I was about to do, and she prayed for me to have courage. I walked straight up to Bono who was sitting alone quietly in the corner of the diner and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to tell you that your music has really ministered to me." He told me thank you, and that it had really ministered to him too, as he touched his heart. He asked me my name and we shook hands. Then he said, "God bless you."

It was a really special moment that I believe epitomizes what it's like to trust God and step out in faith. Not only that, but it was a personal confirmation from God that He not only hears the desires of my heart, but gives me the strength to step out and trust him.

It was an awesome morning!

Game night & one of my favorite schools

2009-11-16T21:04:00.002-05:00

I really love the transition from Sunday evening into Mondays. Most people really hate it, but I actually relish it. The weekends here in New Haven consist of a mish-mash of different activities: Friday evenings I switch off with Kendra or Stella leading fellowship meetings at two different schools, then rejoin my friends whereever they are around town. Saturdays are a kind of a "catch-up" day - usually including errands, cleaning, or laudrey. Saturday evenings can vary from watching a play with my roommate, to going to a Yale ice hockey game (something I hope to do more of increasingly this winter).

However, Sunday evenings are a highlight, and the energy usually carries over into Mondays. I'm obsessed with my church, and have been ever since last year. Like all communities, it has had it's highs and lows, but lately the sermons have been rich and practical, and my relationships with people have become more two-sided, instead previously feeling like I always was the broken one (this is not bad, for a season, but it is a testimony to God's power that a lot has changed in my ability to "get over" certain issues and work through things towards a point of greater health. God has really used many people in this community for my healing!).

Then we transition to GAME NIGHT! At first, it was hard to relinquish my Sunday evenings especially when I'm not really much of a game person. They are one of the only quiet nights I have during the week and one of the few evenings I get to spend with my roommates. However, game night has become a fun place for us to bring our friends, eat a great meal, drink some wine (hopefully not wine cooler wine), and play games that range from Life to Mafia. A couple weeks ago, my co-worker Kendra's neighbors announced a BBQ to get to know people in their building. This quickly progressed to a Sunday night game night, which has since moved to Kendra, Mel, and Tracie's apartment. Mel is an avid cook and always whips up an amazing meal, during which I continually learn more about cooking.

Monday mornings I rise early to volunteer at Pathways, an organization that friends of mine from church started, to create dialogue between the East and West (specifically Muslims and others). It's been awesome. I get to recipt, attend lectures, and banter with the other staff members. After working out in the afternoon and usually preparing a bible study, I then ride with Kendra to a school near Hartford where we are currently teaching through the Gospel of Mark. It's the most random group of students, but perhaps the most rewarding bible study I've ever led. It reminds me in small ways of the larger group bible study I would lead at Benjemijn in South Africa where you had your "faithfuls" and then didn't know who else would show up, and it was always a treat and widely diversified group.

It's interesting how whenever I'm at Robb and Asha's apartment, I'm always inspired to write - perhaps that comes about since this was such a great place of healing for me last year. So maybe there may be more blog entries :)

Finally...

2009-10-10T23:34:00.004-04:00

It's pretty obvious by glancing at the dates on the posts that I have not written in this blog in a while. My blog has morphed various times over the past few years - from one of the earliest versions of "blog," to it's current state (I even considered Wordpress recently - because you can play around with photo layout more). I don't read many blogs in my spare time, so I wondered what the point was in keeping one of my own. You don't know who reads what you wrote....

But if you look on my shelf you'll see that I have at least 3 types of journals. There's the one I write freehand, my quiet time journal, my ministry journal, and my Internship One/seminary/staff meeting/lists journal.

I don't know really what the point of this journal is... but I think I'm closer to defining it. I might have a specific writing style from now on.. or post specific types of photos... I also probably won't be as political as I've been... not that I'm apologizing... However, I think it's important to keep my notes from South Africa, grad school, the West Bank, and my beginning days of FOCUS within this blog.

I also just might not write in it anymore... I think it's purpose was fulfilled, and now that I'm in the States I can keep in touch with people again in a way that I couldn't when I was abroad :)

We'll see what happens... but it's definitely come a long way from the first time I created a blog with my roommate Kris in South Africa. First, it felt like bursts of clarity, then a place to regurgitate thoughts from class, a venting wall, and then a place to share joys of ministry in boarding schools. All these things have been important at different points. But now it's time to end... maybe now.... we'll see ;)

Written from a friend

2009-06-28T16:30:00.003-04:00

One of my good friends in New Haven, a former NEBS (New England Boarding Schools) FOCUS staff worker, is currently in Palestine, tredding the same ground I lived on over a year ago. She's encountering many of the things I did - reacting in many of the same ways - and in a way, I'm re-living it - but praying new things for her, which I didn't have eyes and ears for at the time I was there.

This is an excerpt from an email she recently sent:
I find myself wrestling with to what extent our Lord asks us to fight on behalf of the oppressed, poor, and suffering, and to what extent what they truly need is just simply to know Him. I believe He asks us to strive to meet both needs, physical and spiritual, and I pray I will be able to while here, even if in the teeny tiniest of ways. But I've been haunted by the fact that while the disciples expected Jesus to overthrow Roman rule, and restore justice to his people, His answer to the suffering around Him was to die upon a cross. When does God ask us to fight injustice, and when does He ask us to simply follow Him in a path of suffering?

I wonder, in the midst of these questions, as well as I as wrote my talk a few weeks ago on the Jewish expectations of a Messiah, how much the disciples wrestled with these facts - and how Jesus addressed them. I'm sure they muttered comments about the injustices Roman guards inflicted upon them. How did Jesus respond to the soldiers?

I'm grateful for another friend to walk this road -may God's peace come to that region!

Reunion

2009-06-06T23:58:00.002-04:00

I've had clear moments since I've been on staff with FOCUS where I sit back, think a bit, and wonder out loud - "How did I get here?" Voices and faces from my past are now in my midst, and these people continue to encourage and strengthen me. Many of them I never thought I'd see again. How did God lead me back into this mileu? Why is it particular encouraging to me?

First, FOCUS is familiar. I don't have to try to mold myself to an entirely different culture or language. I grew up in a prep school setting. This familiarity feels good after having strewn my heart around the world in the different places where God called me after college.

Secondly, many of the stereotypes and insecurities I wrestled with in high school are now being turned on their head. I talked recently with my brother about the issues of insecurity we suffered with in high school. We were never "cool," so at times, FOCUS seemed like this foreign yet familiar place, where "cool" kids heard about Jesus. However, now as I press further and further into these student's lives and fight with them back against the powers of darkness that cover so much of these schools, I more firmly believe how insecure we all are (and were) without Jesus at the center of our lives.

I remember when I first came on staff how insecure I felt because I didn't know all the current movies, music, or tv shows that were popular. In many ways, my high school insecurities cropped up as I started my new job. But as I really got to know the people I worked with and others I'd known since high school, I realized how utterly unfounded many of those insecurities and stereotypes were. Ultimately, Jesus seemed to have masterminded this entire job so that I could face and conquer these insecurities in ways that I never would have, had I not been on staff.

Obama Speech in Egypt on Jews and Israel

2009-06-05T17:21:00.001-04:00

I sat for an hour in my apartment tonight, overjoyed at the ability of President Obama to clarify points of tension, and attempt through this speech, to nullify unhelpful stereotypes and the unhelpful hold that history has had on nations. I think this speech was monumental - not only because of a U.S. president's ability to speak in widely recognized Arab terms, but also because it did much to aid the work of reconciliation. For me, it was a rare moment of someone expressing how I feel after having lived in the West Bank for a couple of months.

I Love Commons (Davidson's I Love College Remix ft. Stephen Curry)

2009-05-08T11:27:00.001-04:00

This is awesome!! And Totally true to life :)

PTSD, and Redemption

2009-04-30T22:12:00.004-04:00

I recently discovered symptoms of PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) I have experienced this past year. Although not surprised, I felt relieved that I finally found a label. Like the redemptive process of naming sin and confessing it, the horrors I experienced are coming forth named, dealt with, and moving towards a path of redemption.

Posttraumatic stress disorder occurs when one has "lived through a traumatic event that caused them to fear for their lives, see horrible things, and feel helpless" .

The severity of the disorder depends on the following factors:
How intense the trauma was or how long it lasted
If you lost someone you were close to or were hurt
How close you were to the event
How strong your reaction was
How much you felt in control of events
How much help and support you got after the event

For each of these factors, I could write a couple of stories.

What are some of the symptoms I have had?
- reliving the event
- avoiding situations that remind me of the event
- numbness
- being keyed up

Other "common problems" associated with PTSD include drug abuse, physical reactions, relational breakdown, employment issues, and feelings of hopelessness, shame, and despair. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this resonates.

Ephesians 6 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Learning how to recognize how these events impacted me and my ministry now, and how to engage my faith in that process remains the crux of the issue. The grace of God undergirds this entire process. Amen I'm on a process of learning to see how these events were not a barrier to my growth, but rather a means by which I am further developing my heart and passion for God's heart and His love for redemption of the world.

Anxiety, and Redemption

2009-04-29T22:25:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I found myself once again in the throes of anxiety. This remains a new, unknown struggle to me. Sure, unsure seasons have come upon me before in my life - but panic attacks are uncharted territory. This summer, this fall, and this spring I've come upon these crazy seasons.

Often, when seeking healing for these things, the symptoms often become worse before they become better. However, as stuff rises to the surface, my receptivity to Scripture and new words from the Lord becomes more acute.

Actually, these are more just pure, divine breakthroughs.

Again, yesterday, I sat in staff meeting with my other coworkers studying Matthew 16:21-28 together. We are going through a commentary on Matthew by Charles Price (a pastor I once heard in Toronto).

There are two things he says in his commentary in regards to the self-denial Christ speaks of:

1) "To remain single or to marry and have children is neither the goal nor the phobia of life. The goal is that at all times, in all circumstances, and at any cost we become the means by which God is able to do his work and fulfil his purpose, irrespective of personal implications to ourselves."
- for me, meaning this anxiety is one of the means by which God is doing His work (not that He wants me to have anxiety, but that it could be redeemed and used rightly)

2) "There is virtue only in settling the issue of the Lordship of Christ, and everything else falls into place as a consequence of that."
- God is Lord over this anxiety.

Similarly, an important distinction lies between worldly and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow says in the face of anxiety - "Crap! I'm anxious again - what's wrong with me? I'm so messed up! I'll never be ok, etc., etc., etc." Godly sorrow, however, carries a far different component. Not only does the hope of healing ("salvation") lie in its midst, godly sorrow also carries an ardent eagerness to be well again.

2 Corinthians 7:10, 11 "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."

This godly sorrow is comforting, because it doesn't end in death, but begins in an upward position, and ravenously reaches toward true healing.

Messiah

2009-04-27T23:50:00.002-04:00

I'm writing a talk on "Messiah." - what does this word mean, what are its implications? This is all for a talk training that I will be a part of on the Vineyard next week as we have staff training.

It's been a long time since I've been on the Vineyard. I was at such a different place last August. I hadn't even moved into my apartment in New Haven, and I only knew one other person in that town besides my two roommates.

Now, I'm a part of a thriving church, a healing homegroup, and some great friends. Ministry is growing steadily, and I'm learning to go deeper in the girls' lives that God has entrusted to me.

However, I'm still in deep need of this Messiah/King. The Anointed One came to set us free. And while I can cling to Him, my feet feel weak sometimes and I have wavered much this year through different battles.

This talk I'm writing reminds me of His Kingship, and Priestly nature. My mom has an icon of Jesus as priest - however the turban-like thing he is wearing looks more like a regal crown. Perhaps it's meant to be that way.

I also have an icon in my room of Christ carrying a lamb. For all intensive purposes, he looks like he could have been one of the many shepherds I saw in Palestine. What impresses me now though about this icon though is His grip on the ankles of this lamb.

He will not let me turn! Psalm 18:36

This Jesus with His kingly and priestly nature, also stoops down low to save a lowly sheep from turning.

Babies, babies, babies!!

2009-04-06T17:17:00.002-04:00

Ok - so it's been a crazy week! 4 friends of mine have each had baby girls within the past week!

Jenny Rawlings Wernly (best friend from college) - gave birth to Anna Elizabeth Wernly!! She's in Seattle, so I'll hopefully get there sometime next month. I've only seen Jenny twice since our college graduation - so a trip to see her is definitely in order!

Mary Sommerville McCullough (another best friend from college) - gave birth to her second baby girl - Caroline! Her other daughter, Katie, is a dear, so I expect this little one to give them now double the laughs, smiles, and all that a daughter brings!

Anna Taylor (wife of co-worker for FOCUS in Boston) - I met her and her husband Dom this summer as I volunteered at Internship One at Martha's Vineyard. They are a marvelous couple and great encouragement to me in this work! Add to that - they are both from the UK and came out of the ministry that FOCUS is founded upon. Their daughter's name is Anabella!

Heather Lyman Alexander (best friend from childhood) - Her dad and my dad worked together at our church. She gave birth yesterday to a dear little girl! I still don't know her name, but will find out soon! She's only in NY, so i'll be there in a couple of days to visit!!

Psalm 127:3
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."

Conference Update #2

2009-03-21T22:19:00.003-04:00

In the afternoon I attended Stanley Hauerwas' plenary session on the Powers and war. It was fascinating. I LOVED what he had to say about war and feel confirmed now to say more and more that I agree with the pacifist point of view (more on this to follow in a later entry). I'm seeing it all over the Bible now, clearly demonstrated - from the Sermon on the Mount, to real life examples, to understanding more and more Christ's ultimate sacrifice and its significance. It forever did away with our need to sacrifice ourselves for any need other than Christ (as martyrs do more often than we realize around the world today, but not much in the US or Canada).

Unfortunately I started to get a splitting headache after lunch, so I only briefly attended a breakout session on the Powers concerning food and sex.. however, I recieved a very interesting handout that I'm sure I and many of my co-staff workers in FOCUS will use when leading high schoolers (and college students) concerning eating disorders and sexual behavior.

The final plenary session talk was led by Marva Dawn. She's awesome. I'm currently reading a book by hers on the Sabbath and have learned so much about the benefits of taking a day off, and actually using it to serve God. I used to resent many of the legalistic influences I'd had concerning Sabbath in college and beyond, but her approach is so cloaked with grace and wisdom, I want to share her thoughts with the world - which, of course, God already did within the 10 Commandments :)

Finally, she also talked about how no one can actually define what the Powers are - the Bible doesn't even define them. HOWEVER, we are given clear guidance as to the manifestations of evil influnces in our world and how we are to fight against them. Most importantly, she dwelt on how Christ's sacrifice defeated those powers once and for all. Citing Colossions 1:20,21 (i think) reminded us of how ultimately, all things are answerable to the Lordship of Christ. They either submit or turn away.

While I was struck again by how many things in this world turn away from Him, I was filled with hope today, as I saw more clearly these Powers at work. I could reflect on their influence upon me in the West Bank (and South Africa), and more encouragingly, could see how these Powers are at work presently in the boarding schools I travel to week after week. That is the ministry I'm called to serve right now. While I resent so much of the culture these kids are trapped in, this conference reminded me to see all of this how Christ sees it. Creation is not totally depraved. All of us human beings were called to serve and love Him only, but we are all fallen, and now we are in a state, as we await His return, of calling our world back to its original vocation - that of loving the Lord with all our might, and loving others as ourselves.

(In the words of Coldplay (and ultimately Jesus), quoted on the back our conference guidebook)
You belong to me,
Not swallowed in the sea.

Conference Update

2009-03-21T12:03:00.002-04:00

I am here at the conference that my friend Chris is hosting, and it is a virtual homecoming for me. I'm reuniting with many of my good friends from grad school and it is warming my heart.

Yesterday my friend Grace picked me up from the Toronto airport and she updated me on why her and her husband John left Fiji earlier this year when they had committed to two years. Our stories are very similar - as I also had left my posts in South Africa and the West Bank respectively, after having felt like God had called me there. To say that we have all wrestled with issues of calling and what these experiences brought up has been an understatement.
However, it was so good to talk about this things and remember, reflecting that God is in charge and is redeeming those times.

This morning, the speaker was Walter Wink. He's written many books, one of which I read this past year, The Powers That Be. He says that institutions are neither good or bad - but that there are spiritual powers at play within everything. He cited Revelation chapter 12 (I believe it is) where letters are written to the early churches - however, what is interesting is that these letters are written to the churches' angels. If we only remember that all people, institutions, and systems have a spiritual element at their core, we might be more easily disposed to see God's grace at work and His redemptive power to judge, redeem, and call us all back to Himself.

Take the Israeli/Palestinian conflict for example: Here we have two countries at deep odds with each other- each with a desire for autonomy, protection of its sacred lands, and a desire ultimately for their people to live at peace. Clearly this is not the case, and somewhere along the road, the desires got screwed up.

Clearly, as Walter Wink states, the powers within this world were created good, became fallen, and are ultimately redeemable. Powers to promote peace, freedom for people, and respect, as well as governments that protect and promote the welfare of their citizens is at the heart of every country - These types of powers are good. But because we live in a fallen world, those powers have now been distorted in various degrees. It is our goal and life calling, as redeemed children of the King, to work in the struggle to redeem this fallen world. And this struggle is worth it!!

So, sitting night after night in the student center getting to know Palestinian students was worth it; letting people know about the plight of both Palestinians and Israelis is worth it; and loving the families I was placed around was worth it.

There's one more thing I want to add: I added a break-out session led by Walter Wink's wife, June. Although it could seem new-agey, as we moved about the room experimenting with prayer and movement, I found great healing to ask for God's blessing on me physically. At one point, we were asked to touch ourselves and ask for God's healing over this area of ourselves. I prayed for my belly - where so much of the turmoil of this past year was concentrated- from my bedroom throwing up in the West Bank, to returning home, to stresses that have plagued me this past year. It was really healing. God has compassion on these parts - both physically, and what they have symbolized for me over the past year - all that has made me sick and tight in the very core of me.

A final note: Walter reiterated a point he made in his book of how he boldly spent his sabbatical in the 80s under Pinochet's reign in Chile. The stress, the evil, the torture of place seeped down deep within him and manifested itself physically. Yes, I knew what he meant. But once he was able to recognize the Powers at play and call them out, the healing and the de-captivement could take place.

I still have a long way to go, but this will definitely help me as I seek to deconstruct the evils that overtook me and others a year ago in the West Bank, and as I strive ahead to seek God and make Him known in the boarding school institutions of the Northeast.

These institutions are neither evil or depraved in their own right, but only fallen and in need of redemption through God's grace upon them. O, to call this out upon the Israeli soldiers at the border instead of hating them; O, to call this out upon the Palestinian youth who are desperate for voice and compassion instead of reactions of violence; O to call this out upon myself and the Powers that I seek to do battle with even in this day!

Dad's icon, UVA, Epiphaneia, and church history

2009-03-19T20:52:00.007-04:00

My dad just came upstairs to tell me that an icon he painted for a church in north Philly is on their webpage! You can check it out here.

I just came up today from a wonderful trip down south to visit some FOCUS volunteers at UVA. A delightful young girl from Emma Willard School hatched the whole idea and I provided transport! Aside from tye-dying, hiking, and attending some classes - we spent a lot of time catching up with people there we know and love. Two of the girls I hung out with are pictured below in the bottom left from the FOCUS camp they led with me this summer:

This weekend I fly up to Toronto to attend my friend's conference on social justice and Christianity - specifically focusing this year on the relevance of our faith to issues of war, recession, food, sex, economics, and the Sabbath. You can read about it all here. More personally, this conference is hosted by my friend who accompanied me in the West Bank last year. Many others from our grad school cohort are coming as well!! Here's a pic from our graduation a year and a half ago.

Then I get back to Philly, gather with other FOCUS 'fellows' (1st and 2nd year staff) and participate in a seminar training us to answer students' "tough questions." I'm designated to tackle the question, "Why is church history so violent?"

I chose this question because I remember sitting in my dorm room sophomore year of college weeping over eyewitness accounts of the era of the Spanish colonization of America. I never thoroughly researched the question before, although I'd come to grips with it at different times in my faith.

Perhaps I'll post my findings on this question in a later blog entry...

For now, it's off to Canada!!

A Bunch of Pictures

2009-03-16T17:21:00.010-04:00

At Ivoryton, CT (FOCUS Winter House Party) - over New Year's

All these girls in the above picture go to my old school in Philly!

Cabin U3!

The following pictures are from a week in January that the "FOCUS fellows" (1st and 2nd year staff) spent at The Episcopal School for Ministry outside of Pittsburgh, PA. We took a course on the Old Testament. It was awesome!!

We played a lot of bananagrams!!

And this is my roommate's bird, Sonny :)

New U2 Album!!

2009-02-24T15:20:00.005-05:00

In heightened anticipation of the new U2 album, I wanted to post an anonymous theological review of the new album No Line On The Horizon (out March 6th) that was posted on a blog a couple of my friend's write in NYC as part of their ministry. Here is the link!!! http://mockingbirdnyc.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-found-grace-inside-sound-theological.html

Here is a picture of the new album cover:

And here is a picture I googled... Hey, The Edge, that's Arabic right? What does it say?

February Update

2009-02-14T21:37:00.003-05:00

It's a Saturday night and I'm sitting here alone on the most comfortable couch in my neighbor's living room. A tray of tea ready to be made sits on the coffee table, surrounded with copies of "Maternity Today" and a gigantic candle. This is the site of my beloved homegroup on Tuesday evenings. Tonight though, I am babysitting for my friends as they go out and enjoy some important time together.

Living in New Haven has been full of these wonderful surprises and opportunities. Today even, my roommate and I took a long walk in our neighborhood, saying hi to people we passed, talking about boys, our jobs, and horses. It was finally a warm enough day to take a stroll. Later, we went to an African drumming and dance class that my roommate has been attending. It whipped my arse, but I was grateful for the outlet and for meeting new people.

My other roommate is attending a retreat we are hosting for Deerfield Academy; a school that has a strong Christian fellowship, but with students desiring to go deeper in their faith. I'm not attending because they desired more students and less staff; something I am not offended by at all.

FOCUS has seemed really random as of late - where I must plan everything every week, be hyper-intentional about the time I give to students, and try to drive safely (something unsuccessful accomplished, as I got into a small fender-bender of my own doing this past week). However, ministry continues to be a strange blessing. Even last night, it seemed strange to travel with my staffmate after a dinner at Chili's to attend a school play at a girl's boarding school in the middle-of-nowhere Connecticut. However, after the play, the student we came to support beamed with joy when she saw us, as did another student we met up with during the intermission. This high school actress' parents also applauded us in a way we didn't expect. They had done high school ministry in their younger years and looked at us with compassion and deep gratefulness for the work we are doing. We wanted to say to them, "Really, you don't understand how little we do." But we let it rest and offered up silent prayers to God that He could understand our bizarre lives and gratefulness that only He could reach these students through us, even if we feel like we don't do much.

In other news, God continues to wash sweet balms of healing and understanding upon me as I process experiences from South Africa, the West Bank and other places. In a book I read last year by Henri Nouwen called "Compassion," he describes how the monstrocities of this world can only be understood, prayed for, and responded to through the healing and constructive work of people in community. As I pray about the future and where God might take me, it gives me great encouragement to know that often God places us in places of community for our own healing and other's, and that He desires us to live this way the rest of our lives.

In conclusion, I'm incredibly grateful for this season, but continue to offer prayers for healing, for perspective on my life, and for boldness to step where He may be leading me.

In the words of my Guinean drum and dance instructors this evening, "C'est tout! Merci!"

The Evolving Church: Amidst the Powers Commercial

2009-02-02T18:59:00.001-05:00

This conference, hosted by friend Chris who I worked in the West Bank with, will deal with social justice and Christianty. Toronto, March 21st. Should be freakin' awesome.

Depoliticizing

2009-01-28T20:19:00.003-05:00

As I sat in an apartment on the Upper East Side of New York City last weekend, I began to understand that I need a new approach as I unravel this past year. With Gaza reeling in the aftermath of war, I would be seething in anger at moments, but proud to hold back emotion at others. Something was clearly wrong and I had been praying for a breakthrough. Two have come.

The first was a sermon by R.J. (a FOCUS alum) in his house-church in NYC. As he spoke on suffering, I realized that I need boldness to step into the depths of the pain I saw and take off much of the Palestinian versus Israeli lens which has clouded my vision, and see how Christ speaks to the human suffering I saw and experienced. Easier said than done. However, this encouragement was vital. It is the way out.

Secondly, I'm befriending an Israeli. She's stood at interesting crossroads and lives a story of redemption. Born in communist U.S.S.R., lived in Israel; a Jew, became a Christian at Yale, now Eastern Orthodox. She entered the threshold of my homegroup two weeks ago and I held back a gasp - one of relief that at present someone in the room could understand eastern orthodoxy (a road my family is traveling), and secondly that God could coordinate something so ghastly ironic. This homegroup - such a place of healing for me from my experiences abroad now embraces someone who's political persuasion deep down contains something vastly different from my own.
It seems that God is teaching me something.

None of this is easy, but if I am to take the words of Scripture seriously, the words which say of Christ, he was "a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering," (Is 53:3) - then I know I am steered rightly, and I will learn much by traveling this way.

Some thoughts from a Friend who also lived in Birzeit

2009-01-03T20:19:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine was in Birzeit this past semester doing, in essence, the same kind of work I was doing a year ago. We maintain correspondance to encourage one another and to keep one another adrift of how our dear friends are doing there.

Here is a piece she recently wrote in response to the happenings in Gaza and Israel.

T: "Why is Israel bombing Gaza?! Why isn't the US saying ANYTHING?! What is going to happen? Are people going to sustain their response until Israel stops or are thing simply going to return to apathy and anger? When will Israel stop, when everyone in Gaza is dead? What difference will Obama make? What will happen in Israel and Palestin's elections? Why do people hate? Who does Livni think she is? In fact, who does Rice think she is? Where did she get her information? What good will the protests accross the world do? What is going to happen?"

Y: "I don't know."

Y: "We are the ones who are trying to make a difference! What does it mean that all I can think of is going up to one of the Israelis or Americans or reporters and smacking them accross the face?! I mean seriously, we're the ones who can speak to all sides, but what can we do when no one is listening!?!"

T: "One of the hardest things for me in watching the news is that I know that my people in the States aren't seeing the same things I'm seeing. Somehow their image of the Middle East is so scewed that they don't see the injustice going on, they don't see how their tax-dollars and moral support is contributing to mass murder. Somehow they don't see Gaza suffering, they just see Israeli fear. Somehow they don't see Palestinians, they just see terrorists."

T: "I feel a hatred that I've kept bottled up inside of me for so long. What can I do when I hear that three children from one family were killed? I mean seriously, half of Gaza is under the age of 14 and it is the most densely populated land-masses in the world...when you bomb there, you end up bombing children. It's sick how it's being justified. But despite this, I don't believe in violence. I don't want this to be an anger rant from another Arab. I want to communicate that as frustrated as I am, I believe things can change. And those changes are not going to come by burning an American flag or an Israeli flag or by throwing rocks. Im frustrated at both sides. I understand that Hamas is angry and wants to retaliate but I just want to say: DO NOT call for suicide terror! I will not agree with that. No. At the same time, I can't preach peace when in my own heart there is so much hatred. I have to deal with that before I can influence other people. Non-violence needs to be something that you live and breath, and right now it's not something that I can live and breathe."

T: "There are so many things standing in our way. The obstacles are seemingly insurmountable. From disunity among both the Israeli and Palestinian non-violence movements, factionalism, the media, the US, Christian Zionism...AAAH. Where do we even begin?"

V: "I feel so powerless. I can't do anything about what's going on!"

T: "Yes you can, don't rob yourself of that. In a world that is rapidly spirling into darkness, hatred, and war, you can speak into that and show people how to love!"

Y: "Well, ok. I know that I can do some things, but I can't do the one thing I want to."

T: "What's that?"

Y: "Make the bombing stop."

T: "Yeah."

Y: (In response to my question: If you could communicate one thing to my American friends, what would it be?)"If I knew what it would take to stop the killing, I would beg Americans to do it. I would say write to your President, but that doesn't help. Do you call for a boycott? What do you boycott? You can tell people in the Middle East to boycott the American products...but what will that do??! You can write your your Senators but, again, what will that do?! If you could demonstrate, that would be great, but be careful and don't do it out of hate. Protest, demonstrate, DO something. But I'm not sure if anything will actually make a difference. I guess the most important thing I would tell you is to educate yourself, watch the news from different perspectives, and evalute it...imagine people in the statistics, imagine yourself there. I'm not going to tell you which side to go on but I want you to educate yourselves and make your own decision...and then DO something. The entire world is watching this and the entire world is frustrated but they can't make a difference. Africa's doing stuff, Asia is doing stuff, Russia is doing stuff (People are getting arrested in RUSSIA for us!)...but will any of it come to anything? I don't know. But again, I don't want to tell you what side to take. Just educate yourself. And care.

T: "It's not even about sides. I hate using that word because, well, I'm on people's side. No, actually, I'm on God's side. Whatever that means."

Most of the time I can't even articulate a question. The hole inside of my chest is so painful that all I can utter is a strangled cry of frustration. What else is there to say? When it's the end of the day and bombs are still falling, people are still crying, and the Palestinians in Gaza are still not living life the way it's meant to be lived, what else is there to say? How do we live into the answer when the questions are so blastedly painful?

I made tea with a friend this evening. She stood in the middle of her kitchen, closed her eyes, and spoke through clenched teeth: "I can't do anything." I responded, calmly, "pray." She ignored me and rationally, carefully, went through all of the reasons she is helpless, powerless, and, therefore, hopeless. I repeatedly uttered the calm refrain: "pray." This is a hard word. It seems heartless and can often betray apathy, condescension, dismissal, and a clear lack of action. But it can also be a freeing word because prayer (or rather, contemplation) frees us to live into the reality of the Kingdom of God. Surrendering to God the things of the world frees us to actually love the world instead of be enslaved by it. Accepting God's love allows us to be freed from the guilt of having failed to love as we ought to of and to be empowered to love with a love that is not our own. If I could speak one word into people's lives, especially during this time of darkness, I would say "pray."

"When we pay careful attention to the loving presence of God, the suffering to which we might be led will never darken our hearts or paralyze our movements... When we are led by love instead of driven by fear, we can enter the places of greatest darkness and pain and experience in a unique way the power of God's care. Jesus' final words to Peter are the strongest affirmation of this truth. After having asked Peter three times, 'Do you love me?' and after having been assured three times by Peter of his love, Jesus said, 'When you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will put a belt around you and take you where you would rather not go' (John 21:18). Although Peter did not desire it, he was led to the cross as Jesus was. But because it was love and not fear that led him there, the cross was no longer a sign of defeat, but a sign of victory" (Nouwen, Compassion).

This passage speaks of a world we have entered into--a world of darkness--but it also provides us with something to say and something to do when words and actions betray their meangingless. When we can no longer do anything or say anything productive or useful, when we come to the end of ourselves, when we can do nothing but scream, nothing but clench our fist in hopeless despair...all we need to do is look up and whisper, "Yes, I love you." This is enough. Because there is a God who is bent tenderly over the broken world, gently, powerfully, loving it.

The world is shifting. And it's a hard thing to see God's love. Especially when we look at what's going on in places like Gaza (and the DRC, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Iraq...etc.). But it's there. I promise. All you need to do is respond to it. Love God's people with the love He's given to you. Allow His freedom to free you from worldly things like "security," "vengence," "terrorism," and "fear." Read the news, watch the images, and pray for the people of Israel, the West Bank, and Gaza, who are in desperate need of people to rise up and care. Do what you can to stop the violence.

As I head to Ivoryton..

2008-12-27T10:12:00.010-05:00

I'm about to head to Ivoryton, CT for a week-long camp with high schoolers from independent schools across the east coast, but I saw this headline this morning: "Israel launches airstrikes on Gaza, 155 dead." The escalating violence that Gaza and Israel has witnessed is too much. Israel squeezed Gaza into a humanitarian crisis, and now it does this? This airstrike will only cause more rockets to flow into Israel, not less.

I remember when the last major airstrike happened less than a year ago. I was headed to church with some Norwegian friends of mine, crossing through downtown Ramallah, when we were stopped in our tracks by protesting children - in solidarity for the many children killed over the weekend in Gaza. On our way back from church, as we crossed a checkpoint, the smell of burning tires and the sound of Israeli soldier's "preventive" bullets filled the air.

This airstrike will only cause more death and violence. Though I studied political science and spent close to half a year in Palestine I know I could be the last one to advise what to do. All I ask for is prayers for the many that are suffering, that the Christians I know living there would not be overwhelmed, and that God would have mercy on this region and on my friends who live there. (these are pictures taken recently of some of them).

Title Change

2008-12-15T21:59:00.004-05:00

I just changed the title of my blog. I'd been playing around with different title names, and landed on this - I'm pretty much settled in Connecticut now for the time being, and also am no longer currently learning Arabic (however I would jump at the chance to do so again). "Fadi" is a word I continue to hold dear. It means REDEEMER - and that is definitely a theme that I clung to over this past year. I renamed my blog GRACE UPON GRACE not only after John 1:16, but because it sums up many things we discuss in my homegroup. We began the year discussing how we need God's grace for various things - for reflection, for processing, for thinking ahead for our future (everyone in our group is a former "missionary" of some sort). We also discussed how God gives us His grace to lead us into different stations in life. When I think about it - there's no way I could pick up and move to the West Bank right now (even though I'd LOVE to) - however a year ago, God's grace gave me the fullness to go ahead and do the work He'd set out for me to do, and provided everything that was needed - including physical and spiritual support. His grace also provided for me to come on staff with FOCUS this past summer. It's definitely a mystery how this works, but I continue to see this grace clearly at work to lead and sustain.

P.S. The picture was taken after an ice storm that hit upstate NY when I was up at the Emma Willard school for a visit.

Psalm 12

2008-12-15T12:37:00.002-05:00

(As taken from Patrick Henry Reardon's "Christ in the Psalms," pp. 23, 24)

The idea is now common that the primary purpose of speech is communication, the sharing of ideas, impressions, and feelings with one another. Language is currently considered to be, first of all, social and therefore completely subject to social control. Human speech is widely interpreted as a matter of arbitrary and accepted fashion, subject to the same vagaries as any other fashion. Thus, the senses of words can be changed at will, different meanings being imposed by the same sorts of forces that determine whether other tastes happen to be in vogue. Words become alterable as hemlines and hats.

According to this view, words are necessarily taken to mean whatever the present living members of a society say that they mean, so that the study of language really becomes a branch of sociology. In fact, sociology textbooks themselves make this claim explicitly. Moreover, this notion of speech is so taken for granted nowadays as to nearly assume the rank of a self-evident principle. Nonetheless, it is deeply erroneous.

It is also egregiously dangerous to spiritual and mental health, for such a view of language dissolves the relationship of speech to the perception of truth, rendering man the lord of language without affirming the magisterial claims of truth over man. Declared independent of such claims, language sumbits to no tribunal higher than arbitrary social dictates. Human society, no matter how sinful and deceived, is named the final authority over speech, which is responsible only to those who use it, subject to no standards above the merely social. That is to say, in this view words must mean what people determine them to mean, especically such people as cultural engineers, political activists, feminist reformers, news commentators, talk-show hosts, and other professionals who make their living by fudging the truth.

This current notion of language was well formulated in the declaration of the proud and rebellious in Psalm 11 (Hebrew 12), in a passage manifestly portending the mendacious times in which we live: 'With our tongue we will prevail. Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?'

How different is the view of the Bible, where speech is not regarded, first and foremost, as a form of communication among human beings. In fact, Adam was already talking before ever Eve appeared. Human speech, that is to say, appears in Holy Scripture, earlier than the creation of the second human being, for we find Adam already naming the animals prior to the arrival of the marvelous creature that God later formed from his rib.

At the beginning, before the Fall, Man was possessed of an accurate perception into reality. He was able to name the animals because he could perceive precisely what they were. His words expressed true insight, a ravishing gaze at glory, a contemplation of real forms, so that the very structure and composition of his mind took on the seal and assumed the formal stamp of truth. Human language then was a reflection of that divine light with which heaven and earth are full. The speech of unfallen man was but the voice of vision.

This primeval human language, the pure progeny of lustrous discernment, flowed already forth from the lips of Adam prior to the creation of Eve, who heard it for the first time when her husband, awakening from his mystic sleep, identified her and told her exactly who she was: 'You are bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.' Human speech was already rooted in the vision of truth before it became the expression of human communication.

Moreover, the Fall itself, when it came, derived from that demonic disassociation of speech from truth that we call a Lie: 'You will not surely die.' Eve's acquiesence in that first lie was mankind's original act of metaphysical rebellion. It had more to do with the garbling of Babel than with the garden of Eden. It was human language's first declaration of independence: 'Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?'

Just as truthful speech streams forth from vision, springing from the font of a pure heart, so lying is conceived in the duplicitous heart before it issues from the mouth. Says Psalm 12: 'Each one has spoken follies to his neighbor, deceitful lips have spoken with a divided heart.' The situation described here is so bad that one despairs of finding any truths left in human discourse: 'Save me, O God, for the godly man has disappeared, because truths are diminished among the sons of men.... The wicked prowl on every side."

In contrast to these varied, seemingly universal lies of men stand the reliable words of God: 'The words of the Lord are pure words, smelted silver purged of dross, purified seven times.' In this very unveracious world we yet trust that, though heaven and earth pass away, His words will never pass away.

(Fr. Patrick Henry Reardon is pastor of All Saints Antiochian Orthodox Church in Chicago, Illinois, and a Senior Editor of Touchstone: A Journal of Mere Christianity.)

Princeton was a success!!

2008-11-26T21:40:00.012-05:00

No one can argue that Princeton Weekend did not rock the house. Over 120 private school students attended from Baltimore to Boston. I had the special privilege of seeing some of these lives up-close and watch their reactions and responses to the messages given at the meetings.

Although sleeping on a mat in a school might not constitute the greatest of pleasures, it was worth it to hang out with these students and participate with them as they search deeply for meaning - beyond getting good grades and keeping up an image.

The session Caitlin and I gave on social justice also I pray, grows some fruit.

NOW to look forward to IVORYTON!! (Another retreat, though a week long, in Ivoryton, CT). Several students I know already plan on attending. HOORAY!! In between now and then our region will be hosting a few Christmas parties for boarding school students which promise to be fun.

Now for some pics from the weekend:

Jamming at the concert

This is where it all went down.

Before we drove off, we all had a good holler. Some song about a wagon wheel?

This was the name of our small group.... Yup! You might not have guessed that we had some very serious and edifying discussions about faith after each of the talks.

Some good friends from Internship One camp where I volunteered this summer. Mostly boarding school kids in this pic!

And my fellow staff mates - who always bring down the house, or knock down the playground, whatever the case may be.

Princeton is around the corner...!

2008-11-20T21:45:00.024-05:00

Tomorrow I leave with 3 other students for Princeton University. It is a weekend full of fun, talks and concerts for private school students from Boston to Baltimore. There are over 120 students attending. I myself am giving a special session jointly with my friend Caitlin on the Justice of God. Big topic!! This is in light of our special experiences dealing with poverty and ministry issues in both the States and abroad.

While I am making the mix for our hours long car ride, I reflect on the past few months. In between school meetings and staff meetings - I have helped 2 roommates put an apartment together, hosted a housewarming party, and continued to integrate into our local church in New Haven.

My homegroup from church on Tuesday nights has remained perhaps the biggest blessing of my months here. We meet two houses away in the upstairs apartment of a young couple who lived in Turkey for a few years. Among the 15 or so people in our group is a missionary kid from Hong Kong, a young woman who did campus ministry in Belarus, and couples who have lived abroad in Iran, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, and Bangladesh. We bring our experiences together every tuesday night and lay them together before the Lord, waiting expectantly for healing and receiving assuredly of His comfort and encouragement.

We've adopted a motto as we've searched through these issues: "Things we've done, things done to us, and things that just happened."

More importantly, I believe we have really come to learn more about how the Grace of God operates - how it leads us in the varied situations we've experienced, how it is brought us through these situations, and how this grace continues to teach us lessons and empowers us to live lives that are even more Christ-centered than we imagined.

As I close asking prayers for this weekend, I want to leave you with some stellar shots of the past few months!

In a field after apple-picking with my staffmates!! Kendra and Liz

I bought a fisheye camera for my birthday. This is one of the photos I took of some girls from Ethel Walker school when we went out to dinner.

A friend I made this summer

Emma Willard's gorgeous campus

After a bible study with some Emma Willard girls

Hysterically laughing with some "fellows" at our FOCUS fellows retreat

All of the FOCUS staff fellows. For some reason I look really small in this photo..?

Some adorable pics of my boss' son

2008-10-19T14:54:00.005-04:00

Sometimes we don't get much work accomplished... :)

This new ministry

2008-09-30T17:47:00.003-04:00

Doing ministry at boarding schools is SO different than campus ministry. Of course, it carries many of the same principles: meeting with students one-on-one or in groups, starting up Bible studies, leading Bible studies, recruiting to camps, staff meetings.... However, boarding schools have big restrictions on who can come to their campuses and when.

Also, our purpose is to make school fellowships sustainable. So, for instance, there is a fellowship already going at a school about an hour and half from here that is run primarily by a physics teacher who is a Christian. This is great! However, we want to help him lead it and support him so that he is not burnt out. Also, since he's a dude, he can't really minister to girls.

Another thing unique about boarding school ministry is that boarding schools in the New England region are very godless (I mentioned this in another blog entry). It reminds me a ton of my school experience. I only had one Christian friend - and oftentimes it was not only peers but teachers which would try to quelch my faith!! So, it can be tough for these students, not only to hear the Gospel, but also to maintain any kind of strong faith in the face of such opposition.

Although the socio-economic atmosphere of boarding school ministry is something which contrasts greatly with where I've been for the past four years - God is teaching me a lot about adminstering the Gospel to a group of people that are starved for faith, and longing to be loved. In many unexpected ways, a similarity exists here between New England boarding schools and my experiences in South Africa (University of Johannesburg) and the West Bank (Birzeit University).

Finally, instead of one campus at which I minister - the four of us on our staff team (Rob, Liz, Kendra, and me) are spread out (or go two-by-two), ministering to the following schools which have existing fellowships:
Avon Old Farms
Deerfield
Emma Willard
Groton
Loomis Chaffee
Middlesex
Miss Porter's
Northfield Mt. Hermon
Pomfret
Salisbury
Taft
Westover

The following four schools do not have existing fellowships, although we have contact with students:
Choate
Ethel Walker
Hotchkiss
Kent
St. Mark's

In addition, we are praying that this year a couple more schools, from a list of about 30 would begin school fellowships or start having contact with FOCUS.

This coming weekend we have an event called Infocus - gathering a bunch of students we know through our contacts or through the fellowships, for an afternoon and evening of fun and fellowship. We are expected at least 20 students to attend!

That's all for now. Please pray that our staff team would find our "rhythm," and that we would follow God's lead according to where He is working.

sent from a faculty member at Emma Willard

2008-09-23T23:13:00.003-04:00

This email concerns a student at one of the camps I volunteered at this summer. This particular faculty member helps lead a fellowship group at one of the boarding schools we reach out to, Emma Willard. Exciting stuff!!

...she is a different young woman this year. She has led our first devotional (we asked the kids to read Colossians this summer, and so she was especially excited that you all looked at Colossians this summer at camp:). She is dynamic, mature, clear, purposeful, TACTFUL and SENSITIVE to others' needs, and simply wonderful. I had no doubts about the importance of Focus summers on the Vineyard, but am now even more convinced of what can happen in a few short weeks. May God continue to bless you and your work abundantly. Please know that we are benefiting this year from some of your fruit:)

2008-09-19T18:03:00.005-04:00

Isaiah 51:7, 12

Hear me, you who know what is right,
you people who have my law in your hearts:
Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults...

I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass.

Driving back from the Deerfield Academy fellowship meeting on Wednesday night, my staff mates Liz, Kendra and I began talking about the major changes that must happen for a student to take Christ seriously. Boarding school in New England is a radically godless place. I have heard that teachers will openly ridicule students for having "faith." Christian faith, that is.

Even more intimidating is the peer pressure that these students face. I remember what it was like: Trying to not play the part of the outsider. Trying not to drink but desperately falling into compromising situations all the time. Trying to keep up appearances with the latest fashion from J. Crew or Banana Republic. Trying to excel in the classroom and the sports field. Trying to get into the best college.

For boarding school students, these pressures are incredibly intense because there are not many escapes from it.

My prayer for these students is that they would strive to taste the freedom of living without fear of reproach of men. Even as I pray that I myself may strive towards this freedom and this taste!

Living in New Haven

2008-08-31T23:28:00.004-04:00

So I just moved to New Haven yesterday and there is a lot of work to do. I'm basically living in a "fixer-uper" second-story apartment of a house - having to repaint everything... However I am living with two other great girls and we are all in this together. We live in a low-income area of New Haven - however, close enough to town (and everything else) that I don't feel like I have to travel far to anything (except for the boarding schools which I will start to travel to later in September).

I am psyched to be here. Although it might be hard to sense God's "affirmation" with so much grunt work to get settled, I definitely sensed another "wave" of it today in church. I will mostly likely attend a non-denominational church in town with many other like-minded, missional people (including my roommates). Definitely the kind of community I need. In fact, on my seat at this evening's service was a flyer describing the different homegroups in the community that people can attend. Here is the description of the one I plan to go to:

"The group will be open to anyone, but will be particularly focused on helping people to process issues of life and calling that are related to return from past or preparation for future overseas work and service, particularly in the Muslim world. There will be a strong emphasis on personal sharing and on focused prayer for one another, as well as on worship and on biblically based discussion of practical life issues." (italics-mine).

(it is led by a couple with two young children who live two houses away, who have been missionaries for a time in Turkey)

Needless to say, I feel more confirmed to be in this setting, at this time, than any other season of my life (maybe an exaggeration, but it feels pretty real!).

That said, I also need prayer for perseverance - to get through the long and physically arduous process of settling in, as well as relationally settling into an unknown place. Even more, I pray for time to really pray and dedicate the year ahead to the Lord. I'm not sure exactly what I will face as a "boarding school minister" - but I trust that He has clearly led me to this point. So, while I continue to process South Africa and the West Bank, there is a lot of personal growth ahead, which is another main reason why I took this job, and another area for spiritual diligence.

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to relaying messages here about God at work in community in New Haven, and also among boarding school students in New England.

For those that don't know where New Haven, Connecticut is (or Connecticut, for that matter), here are some helpful maps:)

Starburst Commercial

2008-08-31T23:27:00.001-04:00

Another favorite commercial..

Tide-to-Go Superbowl Commercial, My Talking Stain Ad My Fav

2008-08-31T23:25:00.001-04:00

Favorite commercials of my new FOCUS staff friends.

In the news...

2008-08-04T19:46:00.001-04:00

I picked up a Newsweek yesterday morning in the Philadelphia airport as I was headed to Chicago and read perhaps the most honest and accurate description of what is actually going on in Jerusalem. Sometimes it is very hard to describe in facts and figures what is going on and how it affects people, and yet also to be sensitive at the same time.

Here are some bits and pieces of the article - however, I recommend picking it up. You can read the entire article here.

The article begins by describing the life of the man that recently delved his construction vehicle into innocent civilians in Jerusalem. Not too many months before, a similar event ensued. The first string of these recent incidents, which occurred in March, I remember hearing about from a student in the West Bank that night, that 8 Jews had been killed in Jerusalem at a seminary....

Sadly, I can understand why these happen.. why they are not random, and yet also why they are not organized (as much of the world thinks). These are normal men, sick of their situation, and desperate for positive outlets and opportunities.

While Palestinian "Jerusalemites" have a life better than their West Bank or Gaza fellow countrymen, things have quietly been getting worse:
"Since the summer of 1967, when East Jerusalem was annexed by Israel, the district has built close ties with both the Israeli economy and Palestinian culture. That combination has been a formula for relative stability, earning East Jerusalemites the trust of Israelis on the city's west side.
But in recent years Israel has dramatically altered the sector's landscape. In 2002, former prime minister Ariel Sharon began building a 460-mile barrier—in much of the city, a 20-foot-high concrete wall—that slices deep into Palestinian territory and divides neighbor from neighbor. A network of new access roads and checkpoints has further chopped the territory into a hodgepodge of Palestinian enclaves. Even as Israeli settlements proliferate in East Jerusalem, building permits for Palestinian homes are becoming a rarity."
As an Israeli rights lawyer said, "We're screwing them royally... We've cut them off from the West Bank without integrating them into Israel."

Another interesting fact is that while Israel reacts by targeting mosques and other Islamic centers as hotbeds for these kinds of "terrorists," they are undermining the very fabric of the majority of Palestinian life. One man interviewed in the article says that it is unsafe to go the mosque even three times a week, for fear of getting arrested. Unbeknownst to itself, Israel is playing a direct role in creating the kind of grassroots, radical Islamists that it fears...

Love's Redeeming Work Is Done

2008-08-01T22:32:00.012-04:00

Love's redeeming work is done,

Fought the fight, the battle won.

Death in vain forbids Him rise;

Christ has opened paradise.

(Refrain)

Alleluia, Alleluia!

Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King;

Where, O death, is now thy sting?

Once He died our souls to save,

Where thy victory, O grave?

Soar we now where Christ has led,

Following our exalted Head;

Made like Him, like Him we rise,

Ours the cross, the grave, the skies.

(an old hymn)

Level One Internship -

Strengths:

grace-filled community of our leadership team and their attractive fellowship
openness to what God would do with me (by God's grace) - I was desperate!
constant attention given in prayer to what God was doing in the lives of the students
strong teaching program (morning and evening talks from Colossians, small group bible studies on Exodus)
good weather

Highlights:

early-morning devotion given on FREEDOM
Prayer Day (at Great Rock Bight)
Hunt the Spy (there were some amazing disguises!)
day-off with Caitlin and Audrey
hearing students' testimonies

Having attended various FOCUS camps in Martha's Vineyard since Middle School, I had never attended an Internship One until this past July. This camp helps students delve further into the faith, learning the basics of "putting off the old self" and putting on the new. Students learn to articulate their faith and learn what it means to live as a Christian. All of the 55 students on this camp came from private schools from Boston to Richmond.

Acquina Cliffs

Crazy morning (getting ready for a game)

Great Rock Bight

Hunt the Spy - A brillant game in which leaders disguise themselves around Edgartown and must be found by students. I'm the "pregnant woman" in the center.

Hanging out on the lodge porch

PURPLE CABIN!!

Sunset Reflections (students take Bible and journal and pan out along beach..)

While watching students' lives transform cannot compare to much else, the most profound memory from this camp included the gentle, solid leanings of the Lord to go on staff with this organization. I'd never seriously considered it before this camp, but found myself enjoying my fellowship with the staff so much, connecting with the students' need for the Gospel, and realizing how this "job" right before me matched beautifully with this season in life.

All that to say, at the end of this month, I will be moving to New Haven, Connecticut and will serve in FOCUS' boarding school ministry. I will be raising support, helping lead fellowship meetings at a couple boarding schools during the month, make connections with faculty and staff at these schools, and building relationships at a church that my other two roommates attend in the city.

Rob, my new boss, and his son Andrew

Michelle, a student at Hotchkiss in CT, and Jen, going on staff in Boston area

Anne, far right, is a student at Deerfield in Mass. She memorized the entire book of Colossians!!

Sarah (far left) is a student at Emma Willard in NY - i'll be connecting with her!

Liz (the one with the hat), my new roommate! and Audrey, going on staff in NYC

Another settlement

2008-07-24T10:44:00.000-04:00

Upon arriving in the West Bank this past year in October, I realized how detrimental Israeli's settlements were to the peace process. It is as if Canada made towns in the United States and singlehandedly controlled them. In essence, Israel is currently cutting up the West Bank (part of Palestine) up like swiss cheese. And the entire international community turns a blind eye. And the media does not report it.

Here is an article I ran across today from Associated Press:

By LAURIE COPANS, Associated Press Writer
Thu Jul 24, 6:46 AM ET

JERUSALEM - "A key committee has approved construction of the first new Jewish settlement in the West Bank in a decade, an Israeli official said Thursday. The news infuriated Palestinians, who said the decision could cripple peace efforts.

The only hurdle that remains is Defense Minister Ehud Barak, who plans to approve the Maskiot settlement within weeks, the official said. Barak had signaled to the national planning committee that it should authorize the plan, the official said.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the Defense Ministry did not officially announce the settlement would be built in the Jordan Valley Rift, an arid north-south strip that forms Israel's eastern flank with Jordan.

Asked why Israel was moving ahead with the politically charged plan, the official said that it has been in the pipeline for years.

Israel originally announced in 2006 that it would build Maskiot, then froze the plan after international outcry. But earlier this year, nine Israeli families settled in mobile homes at the site, which Palestinians claim as part of a future state.

Settlers say around two dozen more families are waiting to join them.

Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat accused Israel of undermining U.S.-backed peace talks.

"This is destroying the process of a two-state solution," Erekat said. "I hope the Americans will make the Israelis revoke the decision. I think they can make the Israelis do this."

The U.S. Embassy had no comment. But on her last visit to the region in June, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said settlement building "has the potential to harm the negotiations."

When talks renewed last year after a seven-year breakdown, Israel promised not to establish new settlements in the West Bank. The two sides set a goal of reaching a final peace accord by the end of the year, but have since scaled back their ambitions, in part because disputes over Israeli settlement have impeded progress on peacemaking.

Palestinians want the final deal to outline the formation of a Palestinian state in most of the West Bank, the Gaza Strip and east Jerusalem. Israel captured those territories in the 1967 Mideast war.

Asked to comment on the revival of the plan to build Maskiot, Israeli government spokesman Mark Regev said, "Israel will stand by its commitments," and noted that Barak has not yet given final approval for the construction.

He would not elaborate. But Israel historically has interpreted its commitments on halting settlement expansion differently from the rest of the international community.

The Maskiot community is made up of settlers Israel evacuated from Gaza when it left the territory three years ago. When it withdrew from Gaza, Israel promised not to relocate evacuated settlers to the West Bank.

Earlier this year, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas briefly called off peace talks over continued Israeli construction in the West Bank and east Jerusalem.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has sharply criticized the building, saying it hampers peace efforts, but the U.S. has not penalized Israel.

Maskiot had decades ago been established as a military base, and four years ago a religious school was set up there. But no one had lived at the site until February.

Many Israeli settlements have been established in precisely that manner, beginning as military points that are gradually converted into fledgling communities that gradually grow.

Like many settlers, those at Maskiot are Orthodox Jews who believe God gave the West Bank — the biblical heartland Israelis often call Judea and Samaria — to the Jewish people."

A friend's commentary on the recent violence in Jerusalem

2008-07-05T23:48:00.001-04:00

"Many of you have probably seen the latest news of violence in Jerusalem: a Palestinian living in Israel attacked a bus while driving a bulldozer killing several people. What a tragedy. Immediately this was declared the latest act of Palestinian terrorism. This man, however despicable the act, was not a terrorist and did not belong to any terrorist organizations. The Israelis responded with calls to cut off this man's whole neighborhood from Israel with the infamous wall. This is to affectively isolate and withdraw the citizenship of everyone in his whole town. Furthermore, his home, which houses 22 people (!) is scheduled to be demolished. What a tragedy.

In the US it would be as if a school shooting was done by a black student from a poor inner-city neighborhood and then the US government demolishing this student's family's home and then calling for his whole black neighborhood to be punished by removing their citizenship and booting them out of the country. This is collective punishment and this is racism. Inflicting pain on others does not do away with our own pain and it does not provide security. Let us pray for both the victims of this attack as well as for the family of the attacker."

BBC does a good job in covering the story. Please read the story at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7490212.stm:

This is why I like this book... :)

2008-06-29T21:59:00.003-04:00

From Lauren Winner's "Girl Meets God":

On learning about Lent:

"His Ash Wednesday homily, just the night before, had dwelt for a few minutes on fasting. He had spoken of the need to give up something that was truly important to you. To give something that was really truly yourself. He had encouraged us to remember what it was like to receive gifts from friends. So much of what made the gift meaningful, said Milind, was not the gift itself, but the spirit in which it was given. Say your friend has a beautiful green sundress. You have liked and admired that sundress for months. She gives it to you. If it's just a castoff - she has eighteen others just like it, so giving it to you is no real sacrifice - the whole exchange feels a little anticlimatic. But if your friend loves that dress too, loves it dearly but wants you to have it because she knows it will make you happy, then you are thrilled. The dress takes on a whole new meaning. 'That is how it is with the gifts we give to God,' Milind said in his sermon. 'I want to encourage you to give something to God that really matters. Something you really love. Something that is hard to do without.'

On baptism:

"Jo got up and went to the bookshelf. She found an American Book of Common Prayer, which is slightly different from the Church of England's prayer book. 'Here, maybe this will make you feel better,' she said, flipping to the baptismal service. 'In the American prayer book, you don't just answer all these questions in the affirmative. You say, 'I will, with God's help.' I usually think the Church of England is much more together, insightful, and generally sane than the Protestant Episcopal Church of the U.S.A. But in this case, I think we Americans got it right. I will, with God's help."

On children:

"A family of four, passing through New York en route to Niagara Falls, visits All Angels' for Sunday worship, and at the coffee hour I chat with the blonde and smiling mother, Violet. As she is telling me about the family's farm in Georgia, her small daughter, who looks about three, sidles up offering cookies. I coo. 'You have quite a handful of cookies,' I say, as my uterus skips a beat."

Did she just say that??

What I'm Reading and What I'm Writing

2008-06-29T19:43:00.004-04:00

Oftentimes what we write follows something we have read. A style grips us or a topic begs our response. Lauren Winner's candid honesty in her book, "Girl Meets God," inspires me to grab ahold of my thoughts and make them more honest! To further inspire me, a trusted professor a few weeks ago advised me to sit down and write.... write... write.... Clearly, a lot still needs to get worked through because I continue to unlock treasures from my memories of the almost 5 months I spent in the West Bank this year. Whether I will publish an article from these musings(again something my professor enourages), or they will purely alleviate some "emotional constipation" (a term I coined in South Africa in the discipleship group I led), it is a beneficial process. In addition to my full journal from there, I now have 5 pages, single-spaced, and counting. Most of these begin in the present and then flash-back to days in Birzeit or other locales in the West Bank and Israel.

Here are some excerpts:

(Arrival) I arrived there with little to no expectations. In fact, I was more excited to come to this place than I ever have anywhere.. I remember when I arrived in Africa.. I had this huge, romantic feeling that it was going to be “different”. It wasn’t. It was just like California, with a lot of black people, and gates.
This time though, I didn’t really like it. I hated the white buildings, I hated the congestion, I hated how it looked nothing like I wanted it to. I wanted it to be barren, just like in my imagination or in childhood Bible storybooks. Nothing like it. Even though the mountain I looked across was Samuel’s and we were riding UP to Jerusalem. It didn’t make much difference. But I wanted to take it in slowly.

(Arriving at Living Stones) We arrived at Living Stones and did a cultural taboo. We didn’t eat everything. Whoops. We were tired, and just badly wanted to call home. Boy were we happy to – and we were just happy to say we’d made it – maybe in a prideful way, but kind of in a happy way too.

(Action) I remember my first night there – Chris and I were whisked to Living Stones and we knew that this was another world. What were we doing there? We could only wait. It turns out, we spent most of those early days sitting around our apartment, watching the Office, trying to rent films that worked, trying to figure out how the internet worked, getting ahead on our homework, and cooking whenever we felt hungry. It was laid back, but it was lonely. And isolating, and not really inviting at all. We saw kids playing with toy guns, and that was disturbing. I somehow had trained myself to expect that, so it didn’t seem quite as traumatizing, however I felt moved to action. Within a couple days, I had Chris and me over to the Catholic school in town to talk to the school principal about something active we could do with the kids. They signed us up for their gym classes with the 10 and 11 year-olds because they had gone through this routine more or less when Steven Bush was there (I think). The gym teacher was used to and was eager to work with volunteers. And he loved that idea. I don’t know if Chris was keen on it, and it might have been an area of tension for us, however we needed to work together on something and get our minds off of whatever was (or wasn’t) going on. It turned out to be hilarious. More of a burden than a joy towards the end – but definitely something that we look back on as a positive contribution to our days, and another good way to get to know the situation there.

(Gaza) Then we met a neighbor on the way back in the elevator who said she would invite us over for coffee sometime. Wow, this sounds normal! We were getting ready to go out and hike around the town, when I think we received a call that we should meet over at our friends' house because two of our friends there wanted to talk to us. We promptly went and were served coffee – all light-hearted and cheery, like it was a normal Sunday afternoon where we are from.
Then he entered the room and his face looked ashen. He always looks a little ashen and despondent when he has a migraine or something has happened to the car… but we realized this went a lot deeper than that.
In his broken English, and in his hopeful tone, he told us that something had happened in Gaza to a member of the Bible Society. That Rami, the guy that ran the bookshop in Gaza was killed, taken from outside the shop as he was closing, held captive, tortured, and was killed. His wife has two little boys and another baby on the way. This was real life. This was the real Christian life coming up from the pages of the books and the Bible. They recommended that Chris and I not go out today on our own, or ever after night, but overall they were saying to just “Take Care.”

Instead that afternoon, we went to Ramallah with Imad, his wife Sahhar, and their little son Saleh (she was also 7 months pregnant with their daughter). It was a great trip, however the ride over there was marred with chilling memories. I think this was our first time in a taxi and it seemed like one great adventure. The road twirls and winds its way down to Ramallah. Peering out the dusty, dirty windows at the people and the markets and small apartment buildings that dotted the landscape was cool.

However we stopped abruptly about halfway on our way to Ramallah. An accident had happened, not blocking the road, but causing quite a ruckus like I’d never seen before. People were swarming everywhere over the yellow taxis that had crashed on their sides like toy cars. People were still coming out of them, and I think I saw a woman wailing, with blood coming out of her forehead.

What I've been up to

2008-06-09T17:21:00.004-04:00

Summer begins here in Philly with a blast of hot, humid air. It has hovered above 90 F the past few days and we are ready for a rain storm. Summer also begins an interesting season for me as I move out of "transitioning to the States" and head full-force into a job search.

I really want to get back abroad.. but I think the Lord is having me here for many reasons.

I can divide what I've been going through in 3 sections:

1) Family

Coming home has been one of the biggest blessings I've ever experienced. After being the only foreigner, only English-speaker in a war-torn, oppressed place it's been great to be with my family, even though I feel like I could move out again ;) However, it's also given me the feet I need to stand up again and see what I should do next...

2) Friends

I've spent a long time catching up with friends. Having built some relationships with people in the area during grad school, I haven't had much time to catch them up on experiences in the West Bank, and share normal life with them for awhile. That's been a blessing.

3) Discernment

This area involves asking myself three very important questions: Where have I been? Where am I now? Where do I want to be? Having not really stopped since graduation from college, it's been an important time to reflect, think about the people and the places that have constituted the past couple of years, and how I've been led to the place where I am right now.

Prayer Requests:
1. I'm looking into work at AFSC (American Friends Service Committee). They do great work in the West Bank, and all over the world! I have a meeting in the coming days with them!

2. I'm leading at a week-long FOCUS camp in Martha's Vineyard, Mass. and will be giving a talk on the Resurrection. Whew - time for me to get those "talk muscles" from Campus Outreach in gear again!

3. This is a thanksgiving: I'm going to be studying Isaiah with a good friend of mine in the coming months. This is a long-awaited prayer answered for this kind of fellowship, so i'm excited!

Thanks for reading!

My Palestinian Psalm

2008-06-05T23:59:00.005-04:00

One of the ways that God has enabled me to deal with some of my deep-down emotions concerning my time in the West Bank is to pray the Psalms with the Palestinians in mind. It's one of the most sure-fire ways I know to get my emotions off my chest and be heard, understood, and comforted.

I suggest doing this for any of the suffering you know. As you read it, you may begin to pray for yourself.. but think about how the Spirit of God transcends national boundaries, colors of skin, and life experiences to bring what is needed to the cry of the soul.

I sat there in my bed about 2 or 3 months ago in Birzeit, using this Psalm for soul, when I found myself connecting with the Palestinians in my prayer. If you know anything of the situation, you can probably see what I mean as you read these words. Let it speak to you.

Psalm 4

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my
glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and
seek false Gods?
Know that the Lord has set apart the
godly for himself;
the Lord will hear when I call to
him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search you hearts and be silent.

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the Lord.

Many are asking, "Who can show us
any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon
us, O Lord.
You have filled my heart with greater
joy
then when their grain and new
wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

Nablus and Saint Photina

2008-05-26T21:28:00.013-04:00

"This was the Samaritan woman who had the rare fortune to converse with the Lord Christ Himself at the Well of Jacob, near Sychar (John 4:4-31). Believing in the Lord, Photina afterward went to preach His Gospel with her two sons Victor and Josiah, and with her five sisters, Anatolia, Phota, Photida, Parasceva and Cyriaca. They went to Carthage in Africa. There they were arrested and taken to Rome and thrown into prison during the reign of Emperor Nero. By God's providence, Domnina, the daughter of Nero, came into contact with St. Photina, who converted her to the Christian Faith. After imprisonment they all suffered for the sake of Christ. Photina, who was first enlightened with the light of the truth at the well of Sychar, was now thrown into a well where she died and entered the Eternal Kingdom of Christ." (March 20, The Prologue of Ohrid: Lives of Saints, Hymns, Reflections, and Homilies for Every Day of the Year. Volume One. January to June.)

Today, Photina's encounter is commemorated by the presence of a glorious Greek Orthodox church in the city of Nablus, in the West Bank. Christians still live here, but continually face persecution (not just in Nablus, but all over the West Bank) because of their religion and also the fact that they are Palestinian.

Nablus sits between the mountains Gerazim and Ebal - beautifully nestled in the valley below. The Old city reminds me of the Old city in Jerusalem.

looking from Mt. Gerazim

in the churchthere are still Samaritans that live on Mt. Gerazim!This is the "cage" we walk through after the checkpoint into the Nablus area

Jesus is the Answer.

Trying Picassa

2008-05-20T23:30:00.001-04:00

I just downloaded Picassa, since I thought that might be a better way to display pictures :) Here is a random sample of some photos.

This is the herd of sheep that I saw go past my apartment building everyday in Birzeit. I loved it. It was like a reminder of the Lord as my shepherd - and me as a silly sheep.

Above is a short video of Ramallah early one Sunday morning, the weekend that at least 115 Palestinians were killed. These kids came out of school protesting.

This is door of dad's friend Bill Broughton, who's a cannon at St. George's Anglican Cathedral in Jerusalem.

Some memories from South Africa :)

2008-05-18T16:20:00.002-04:00

I recently recieved an email from a friend of mine in South Africa that has some sayings of definite truth to it. Reading this definitely brought back some memories from my two years there with Campus Outreach!

YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:

You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.

You call a traffic light a 'robot'.

You call an elevator a 'lift'

You call a hood a 'bonnet'

You call a trunk a 'boot'

You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'

You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'

The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are. (Tooi-Tooi!)

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
- I have! He was in a mall when I was with some friends

You go to braais regularly (every weekend with students), where you eat boerewors and swim(or they throw you in the pool), sometimes simultaneously.

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer. (or you get away with it because "i'm American.. i didn't know..")

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'. (We had several break-ins during my years there... praise God no one was hurt)

You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee

To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation. (Some of the students I knew were called Goodenough, Confidence, Joy, and Charity)

'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction. (we've seen what happens when you don't)

Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it. (Unlike Kris after her 10k in Soweto)

A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday. (I have never gotten a speeding ticket in the States, however recieved at least 7 while in SA)

You paint your car's registration on the roof.

You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners go on strike.

You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car. (sometimes this is still my instinct at night!)

You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.

Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.

You consider a high crime rate as normal. (esp. if you've grown up in Philly!)

60 Years of Al Nakba (the Catastrophe)

2008-05-15T22:44:00.002-04:00

Today marks the 60th anniversary in which Israel declared itself a state. Unfortunately, as the American president eludes to the terrors of the Holocaust, the victims are inflicting their own upon others. While, yes, Palestinians are wrongfully inflicting terror upon Israeli citizens, what IS wrong is that the world turns a blind eye when one side is ALSO inflicting terror upon others.

I watched a documentary tonight with a friend (that I've now seen for the third time) outlining the progression of the Wall in the West Bank. What most of the world does not realize is that this wall does not actually seperate Israel from Palestine. It seperates Jewish settlements from Jewish settlements deep within Palestinian territory. So no, it is not between Israel and Palestine, but actually between Palestinian towns, essentially cutting off Palestinian freedom of movement. I experienced this first-hand, as many of the students I know are either scared or unable to travel to other towns.

Also, I know that blasting rocks from Gaza into Ashkelon is terror - but throwing rocks at Palestinian cars and shooting young Palestinians is also terror. Where is the line between self-defense and aggression? Unfortunately, it is too close to call, especially when you are surrounded by statements like this, "Peace through strength is the way we achieve peace in the world." Is anyone else confused by this statement? (p.s. that statement was made today by Senator John McCain). Honestly, I don't want to live in a world like that.

However, we are in that world. And Palestinians and Israelis live in that world. It is way too much for one person to grapple with alone. I really don't think that peace can come through increased aggression. It doesn't come by sweeping things under the rug. It takes the higher road. And it takes patience. And perhaps it also believes that total peace will never be achieved in this lifetime. There is a dual role at play. There is the individual - with whom there are many untouched layers of "un-peace" and discord. There is also the world at large - with all it's inticricies. You cannot reach the individual without addressing the outside. Likewise, you cannot address the outer status of injustice without addressing the inner layers of discord, disquietude, and rancor within each individual.

I grappled with this hard core in South Africa. In fact, it went even further back than Ecuador, where I was junior year of college. It's an ongoing process. One I'm seeking to work at with the Lord. I love working with the individual, but I find myself too engrossed within this world to neglect what goes on there also. They must work together.

Luckily, "in Him, all things hold together," (Col 1:17) and that's what I'm holding out for.

(Note: this is probably the most unedited entry I have written thus far - not that I'm apologizing, but wanting to make it clear that this is all part of the "re-entry process," or whatever it's called when you've come back from a place that has moved you deeply)

"The Powers That Be"

2008-05-06T17:51:00.004-04:00

I just finished a very insightful book entitled, "The Powers That Be," by Walter Wink. I first caught the name of this author during my Advocacy class last summer in grad school. To typify the institutions, corporations, governments, and organizations of this world as having spiritual entities further opened myself up to possibilities in the spiritual realm. While Wink takes some of his Biblical interpretations a bit too far, and without much to back him up, however I believe he brings up important points.

His insight into the spiritual nature of conflict meant especially much to me as I seek to examine what occurred over the past couple months in the West Bank, and the impact this will have on my life forward. To say nothing of the wealth of relationships I gained, I also experienced a first hand blow of the horrors of the Occupation within the Palestinian Territories. While everything I experienced was real, there was little to counterbalance my emotions and the facts on the ground. What I lacked as I delved further into life among Palestinians who have been severely persecuted by the Israeli Occupation, was a perspective, not only to make sense of the bigger picture around me, but also how to be an agent of positivity.

One of the points Walter Wink makes early in the book has to do with the perspective of the "peace worker" or "agent of nonviolence" him or herself.

"Evil is contagious. No one grapples with it without contamination."

"For the struggle against evil can make us evil, and no amount of good intentions automatically prevents its happening. The whole armor of God that Ephesians 6:10-20 counsels us to put on is crafted specifically to protect us against that contagion of evil within our own souls, and its metals are all forged in prayer."

Peacemakers must realize that dealing with the battle on the outside necessitates a continuing battle on the inside - a constant awareness and alertness to the evil outside, and a constant admittance and cleansing of the evil within.

That being said, upon reflecting on the conflict in Israel and Palestine - I can see no other place where the principles of nonviolence, where Jesus' "Third Way" as Wink coins it, is more needed. While there, I had the privilege of writing the beginning stages of a proposal for the third phase of the student center in Birzeit focusing on the needs of children and university students. One of our main objections was reducing the "language of violence" among Palestinian youth. From an early age, Palestinians grow up seeing that violence gets them what they want - it exudes power - it expresses rage - and it is embodied in the "heros" they see plastered on walls of their villages, eulogiezed as martyrs.

Though it is a mammoth task to unravel the mindset of generations, it is something we felt, and still feel, very strongly about - whether this is through educating students about better forms of communication - opening school administrators, teachers, and parents up to the psychological needs of their children.

Ultimately however, it is Christ appealing to the humanity of the oppressor and the humanity of the victim through the power of the Love He demonostrated on the Cross to destroy the ultimate power of evil, that can give us hope in transformation. All of this hinges on Christ's redemption of the powers which set His aspects of creation off course - we can now, through Him "confront(ing) the spirituality of an institution and its physcial manifestations."

Much more remains to be said on how redemption plays a part in confronting powers of evil - but I'll end with this prayer that Orthodox Christians around the world repeat at this time of year:

"Christ is risen from the Dead!
Trampling death by death,

And upon those in the tombs

Bestowing life!"

Fadi

2008-04-23T20:25:00.002-04:00

I wanted to name this blog under a new title, "Fadi," which in Arabic means "Redeemer." This word has meant much to me in these passing months. Challenged through the Holy Spirit to turn what is fallen into something meaningful, I'm come to see this word rise with an ever-increasing focus in my work and life. Development has a lot to do with redemption - and I have found this ever truer as those I work with press forward with an aim to redeem that which was stolen from them.
I believe that redemption is only way towards anything sustainable in the Middle East. And I pray that wherever I am, God will allow me to be an agent of redemption.
Again, it all goes back to He who is the Agent of New Life - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10).

A Word of Thanks

2008-04-23T20:17:00.003-04:00

I wanted to give a word of thanks to all my wonderful friends who prayed for me, who cheered for me, and most importantly walked alongside me during this past stint in the West Bank. I felt like God chose this time as an outpouring of compassion from friends to remind me how important you people are in my life -and how fellowship is a rare blessing.

I pray I can be as encouraging to those who need encouragement.

Many of you I may not see for a little while - but I wanted to say thank you in appreciation of your emails, facebook messages, and inquiries to my parents.

Proverbs 11:25 "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."

A Wind of Things To Come

2008-04-17T05:17:00.002-04:00

For those who don't know yet... ;)

I'm coming back to Philly later this week. You can probably tell from my postings that I've been a little overwhelemed lately ;)
But I've been learning a lot... There's a lot to think about... A lot to pray about... And a lot I am still excited for things here in Israel/Palestine.

More to come...

Hebron

2008-04-12T04:31:00.000-04:00

Hebron – what a strange place?!

Where people want to worship God, they instead come to worship their nationalities.
Nationalities which divide and squander,
Which release and capture
Which deceive and seduce.

I can’t make sense of why Rebekah would be here
What would she say if she found herself in a mosque?
Would she get mad? Would she cry and weep? Would she laugh?
She left all to follow her God –
- Can I do the same?

Can these people do the same?

What do those Jews do who sit in those settlements?
Do they see what is below them?
Did not their ancestor Abraham show mercy to the foreigners? –
wait, do not the Muslims call him their forefather too?

And what about the Christians – where are they?
Where were they?
Where did they go?
Where are they now?

Hebron – this is a strange place.

Bethlehem... lately

2008-04-09T15:24:00.005-04:00

I've spent most of the week here in Bethlehem - in a town outside of Bethlehem called Bet Jalla. From our retreat center, where we are learning about project management, we can see the wall that seperates Israel from the West Bank. Increasingly, I realize with growing rage how little this situation is known outside of these walls. These emotions are not new, but they are rather compounded. I have to apologize if I sound raw. I don't want to incite more rage. I don't want to divide. But sometimes I don't really know what to write about here, except to be honest and give some word of hope.

God is active here, and I don't just say that to put a smilely-face on top of what I have just written. Yesterday I visited a church in Bethlehem with a priest whose vision is divine. He sees hope in the midst of admitting that his congregation is witnessing the deterioration of the situation around them...

I don't know what my future lies here. I am praying about attending a summer course at Birzeit University in Arabic. The more I become engrossed in life here, the more I see doors open and relationships begin. However I must be careful. I cannot imagine that I can do everything. I cannot assume that everything will go as it has.

I need encouragement. I need perspective. And right now I'm going to practice what Paul preaches in Eph., quoting from Psalm 4 before I go to bed tonight.... "Do not let the sun go down on your anger, but search your hearts and be silent."

3di

2008-04-02T05:08:00.003-04:00

(pronounced "aaadi")

It means, "That's normal."

I've grown to like this Arabic phrase, however there are some instances where I wish this phrase did not have to be used...

Yesterday, we received the news that a student who used to frequent the Living Stones Center was killed by some settlers on the way north to Nablus. There were some rumors that he was getting out of a car with a knife. However the reality of young men, especially students, being targeted is all too common here. Whether he had bad intentions or not we don't know. However, we are praying for him, for his family, and for the many students who were close to him. His name is Abed.

In another vein, I listened to a song this morning called, "Always Beautiful." It's by Enter the Worship Circle. Some of the lyrics are as follows: "You Oh God have eyes to see what others hide in shame. You Oh God have ears to hear what broken people pray. And you call them back to Your Hand, and you call me again. Where can I run? Where can I go? Where can I hide myself from Your always beautiful?" (It is based off of Psalm 139). 3di. Amen.

A Little Taste...

2008-03-24T11:23:00.004-04:00

I just came back from Ramallah - did some shopping - finally bought some jeans, and managed to get past the heckling fruit and vegetable sellers. I love Ramallah in the afternoon on a weekday. People flood the sidewalks, sun basks the steets, and for awhile, everyone seems in a good mood.

I tried a new place to eat as well - Chicago Cheesesteak Factory - ok!!! As a Philly girl, I can contest that the cheesesteak I ordered Italian style fit the bill. I will be coming back.

All of this was after our weekly staff meeting - Manal, Nisreen, Ahmad, Imad, and I usually sit around somewhere between 10 am and 12 pm discussing the week ahead, sharing a devotion, and always laughing a lot (there's always usually a lot of bantering back and forth as well - which in Arabic sounds a lot like loud, verbal fighting). Last week I confess my inability to understand Arabic fluently frustrated me overwhelmingly. As a friend has told me - learning a language is a lot like riding a rollercoaster - somedays everything goes right, other days everything you say is wrong.

The big news however is that I was able to spend Holy Week celebrating in Jerusalem. Thursday night I spent overnight at St. George's guest house, after one of the most solemn moments I have experienced here. I attended the footwashing service and was joyfully surprised to learn that afterwards, the congregation would process to the Mt. of Olives, directly to Gethsemane!! I'm glad we did not go to the "Catholic" Gethsemene. As I learned later, that place was overrun with people. Where we went instead was peaceful, quiet, and worshipful - just as it must have been for Christ 2000 years ago. Instead of Roman horses, we heard Israeli police and army cars honking their way past the Temple. As we walked through the East Jerusalem section where St. George's is located, we got a taste of what Christ experienced on his entry to the city - walking past people that could care less about what you are up to, or are rather taken aback and embarassed. The solemnity of Gethsemane seemed to put everything in context...

Early in the morning I arose to walk the Via Dolorosa. Completely unworshipful, it was rather tedious and tiring. I kept looking at my watch to see when it would be over. Cars ploughed through our group, people pushed past our elbows, and you barely had a second to visualize what was going on. The most striking scene occurred near one of the final stations. An orthodox Jewish father and his two young sons walked through our crowd on the narrow Old Jerusalem street. One of his sons who followed him (a boy about the age of 7), stopped very purposefully in the middle of our entourage and spat squarely on the ground in front of bishops who did the reading and said the prayers, as well as the rest of our group who faced them. I'm sure Jesus had more than a few puddles of spit on his face.

Easter Sunday was also somewhat hellish, yet God-redeeming. The service at St. George's was packed. People from all over the world seemed to represent their countries in the tiny sanctuary. However, when I went up for communion, I made the stupid mistake of leaving my bag behind at my seat. At lunchtime later that day, I discovered my camera was missing and 400 NIS cash (almost $100). I never carry that much money around, however I had just gotten "paid" from my stipend, and who knew what I would do and where I would go that afternoon?

All in all, it was another lesson in "rejoicing in every circumstance," which I so dutifully studied a few days earlier in 1 Thess 5:17. Trust God to make sure you know it.

So while I won't have pictures to show you of my time (including one of me carrying the Cross!), here are a few I have pulled from the web.

(NOT what the Old City looks like now, but pretty close)

(What the Via Dolorosa looks like today)

Palm Sunday

2008-03-17T08:12:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Palm Sunday. The whole day felt like a dream. I entered St. George's Anglican Church near the old city on Nablus Road shortly after 10:30. I was ushered in with at least 20 brightly dressed people from Ghana, here on a pilgrimage. The service was held in both English and Arabic.

After the service and some coffee, I went with Bill Broughton, my dad's friend, to his house, with another one of his frinds. We shared a delicious meal of beans, stuffed zucchini, salad, lemon merignue (sp?) pie, and coffee. Bill then dropped me off near Gethsemane, and my adventures began.

I hiked up the route, along with several other people, near the top of the Mt. of Olives, passing gravesites of Jewish and Christian people, finally reaching a place which commanded a magnificent view of the city, and from where I could see the procession coming down the hill (below is a picture of near where I sat, taken from the web). Several groups started the procession. The first were some Palestinian scout groups. A guy I'd met at Birzeit University was helping to lead one of them. Then there were groups of pilgrims from different parts of the world - India, El Salvador, Spain, and Poland, interspersed among other pilgrims.

I finally recognized someone - Tony, one of the Christian students from the university who's from Bethlehem. He was there with two other guys I knew - Samer and Firas. The day before they had been granted 40 day permits by the Israeli government to enter Jerusalem. We walked the rest of the procession into the courtyard of St. Anne's church in the Old City (where the Bethseda Pools are located). The atmosphere was highly festive, as people carried palm branches and Arabic praise music filled the air. Then the Catholic patriarch gave a message praying for all sides of the present conflict in the region.

Once that ended, we watched 3 different scout troops from Palestine perform in the streets surrounding the Old City, with drums, marching, and bagpipes. Samer told me the importance of groups like these, as they became like second homes for the children - teaching them discipline and giving them a second family. The finale was at the New Gate of the Old City, where the procession of the scout troop enters with cheers from the crowds.

Though I had come alone to the city to celebrate, I left feeling like I had truly shared fellowship with friends and participated in something truly special. To visualize what Christ saw as He entered the city is a scene I will surely not forget: "When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, 'Who is this?' (Matthew 21:10).

Class

2008-03-04T07:34:00.002-05:00

I just came back from "class" - actually a one-on-one tutor at Birzeit University. It may be more expensive than studying with a student, however I felt "empowered" (to use one of our MA words) receiving formal instruction.

The university is awash with students. If you've never been to a university in the Middle East, it can very overwhelming: girls with hijabs everywhere, everyone smoking... It can also be quite fun! I ran into two girls I had met this fall and it was great to get reconnected. Like any university, you can find friends right away - as people run off to their classes or sit outside with their friends.

Birzeit University is located on top of a hill with a commanding view of the countryside. On clear days you can even see through to Tel Aviv. Around 7,000 students attend the university during a given semester, with at least 100 foreign students taking classes in Arabic and Palestinian culture.

As part of my work here in Birzeit, I want to use these Arabic lessons as a way to learn Arabic, but more importantly increase contact with students - now that I am considered an official student!

A Trip to Jenin and Nablus

2008-03-03T07:34:00.003-05:00

This past Friday, the staff at Living Stones organized a trip to Jenin and Nablus for some university students in Birzeit. We traveled through the countryside, finally reaching the village outside of Jenin where Christ healed 10 lepers. After driving through the refugee camp in Jenin we stopped for lunch at a beautiful park on one of the hills overlooking Jenin.

Upon reaching Nablus, we entered the church that sits atop Jacob's Well - the well where Christ talked to the Samaritan woman. Then we stopped to tour a Turkish bathhouse that was hundreds of years old inside the old city of Nablus.

For the students, this was a fantastic way to get outside of Birzeit, to talk about the villages where they are from, and also get exposed to Christianity. Due to the difficulties of travel in the West Bank because of the many checkpoints, several of the students had never been to Jenin. Some of the Christians students on the trip had never been to Jacob's Well. For me, it was an amazing experience to see more of this beautiful country in this budding spring season.

A New Month

2008-03-01T08:11:00.004-05:00

Since my last posting, many things have transpired: I moved back into the apartment where I was living this fall, next Tuesday I will begin one-on-one Arabic lessons with a proffessor from Brizeit University, I rejected a marriage proposal from a Palestinian family (you can ask me about that one over email), and I have a clearer job description. Overall, things are better. I am grateful for the prayers of multiple people and the Presence of the Lord to encourage and sustain me. Particularly encouraging to me were the words of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemene to His disciples in Matthew 26:41, "Watch and pray that you do not fall into temptation; for the spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

As for my job description, it includes but is not limited to the following: 1) developing programs for the evenings at the Living Stones Center (this includes movie nights, stress mangagment lectures, cultural education evenings, and english classes) 2) Teaching English in the after-school programs to middle-school kids at four schools in neighboring villages where the Living Stones Center already teaches Servant Leadership courses to the same middle school students. The Palestinian Authority Education Minister was impressed with the results of these programs on the students this previous fall. 3) Writing a proposal for the next phase of the Living Stones Student Center. 4) Womens' ministry - as the only female "staff/volunteer" for the university students, I am responsible, kind of like I was with Campus Outreach in South Africa, to recruit female students to events at the center, and also love and minister to them.

My daily schedule has been rather haphazard - as it can include anything from meeting with the Chilean ambassador with one of my directors to set up a time to present the country to students at the Living Stones Center, to hanging out at the university with random students, to spending time at the center during the day talking to my director Ahmed about various subjects related to the center.

One final note: I went with Ahmad a few days ago to Ramallah to purchase a new coffee machine for the center - with the purpose of income generation. Here are some pictures on its inaugural night!

Time for an update

2008-02-20T06:30:00.002-05:00

Surrounded by Arabic once again, I feel more like I am on a cultural exchange program than trying to establish myself possibly in international development work. But perhaps, that is exactly what I need to better understand the culture here.

Last time I came with my good friend Chris from my International Development masters program at Eastern University. We met 3 young Norwegian Bible College students and spent much of our time with them as we hung out with students and helped out at schools.

This time however, I am more on my own. To say it's been difficult would be an understatement. I live with 4 Muslim Birzeit University students (2 from Jenin, 1 from Salfit, and 1 from Tulkarem). I am once again engaged in the conflict here as economic restrictions weave their way down to the lives of the students I interact with everyday. Living with students I knew would present great challenges. Besides the language barrier, there is the ever-constant-confrontation with my physical needs and the inability of these girls to meet those needs for themselves. For example, the days here commonly reach 40-50 degrees Farenheit. Often the houses and apartments inside can reach even colder degrees because of the limestone construction. I am the only one in my apartment with a heating device. I'm also the only one that's been provided with a fridge. How am I to reconcile my faith in Christ with these issues? How does Christ want me to strategically act in these situations?

A few nights ago I felt completely overwhelmed with my responsibilities here (not so much the amont of job tasks but the barriers I need to overcome through Christ to retain perspective, productivity, and peace). I had suffered at least 3 days confronted with the tempation to leave. However, when I arrived in my room I had a sense in my spirit that God had been there preparing it as a place of comfort. It was almost palpable.

I prayed this past fall, that if God wanted me back in Palestine, He needed to provide so I could perform whatever work He wanted me to do. So far, God has been faithful. I still struggle with perspective and inner battles, but God's character does not change and His work continues to go on. Hamdillaah (Thanks be to God).

(the view from my apartment)

eTrade Talking Baby Super Bowl Commercial: Baby Buys Stock

2008-02-04T19:27:00.001-05:00

Ah, the Super Bowl ads

A friend's post

2008-01-29T22:18:00.001-05:00

My friend Mary (also pictured below in my college picture of the previous entry, at my immediate left) recently wrote an amazing entry on raising her child to know Christ. So I wanted to share it here.

In other news, God has challenged me a lot lately to trust Him with my returning time in Palestine. I'm not quite sure on the details of my living situation or my job description - however, I'm trusting God to deal with the consequences of my obedience there - and also learning to trust His character in the overwhelmingly emotional aspects of leaving once again, of returning to an area of conflict, and to trust that He will provide for my needs (more on the relational side I'm talking about). It seems that I will be living in an apartment with other students of Birzeit University, and that the directors of the Living Stones Student Center have drawn up a job description which I'm really excited about. Although it's always hard to leave home, I am really looking forward to being back there and to see how God opens up doors of ministry, as well as allowing me to attend church at an Anglican Cathedral in Jerusalem (where my dad's good friend is a priest).

Yalla! :)

Home

2008-01-20T20:47:00.001-05:00

I've had a wonderful break. A month ago today I left the airport in Tel Aviv, looking forward to resting and spending time with family in friends. However even in the span of a few weeks God took me through some seasons.

The first part was a total euphoria of returning. The greatest surprise included a trip to the Pope Museum in Washington D.C. where one of the floors was dedicated to Arab Christians in Palestine! WHOO HOOO!! There was even a banner that said Birzeit!!

Though I can say I am genuinely psyched to return, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually returning. It's like if you stand too long on the high dive, thinking about what you're doing, you won't step forward.

However, God has given me grace - and included intermingling times of encouragement through friends and family, and especially when members our cohort from our MA International Development met up in Philly for a few days. I remembered what I was doing, why I love doing what I'm doing, and how humbling it is to have the opportunity to go.

Finally, I am psyched to spend some time with my college friend Jenny - probably one of my closest "kindreds" (as Jamie Smith from COJ would say). Below is a picture of us in college. (Jenny is on the far right - we were taking a road trip to a beautiful mountain town in North Carolina)

More to come before I leave....

"Compassion," Henri J. M. Nouwen

2008-01-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

I read some amazing books during the past couple of weeks. "Compassion," by Henri J.M. Nouwen, "Life Together," by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and "Bethlehem Beseiged," by Mitri Raheb. All three of these books acted as guideposts to ministry, fellowship, and also the present political situation and God's control of circumstances.

I wanted to share some of the quotes from Henri Nouwen's book that continue to breath reminders into my life:

concerning confrontation:
- Jesus often engaged in confrontation and was rarely concerned about being tactful or pleasing others
- “We cannot suffer with the poor when we are unwilling to confront those persons and systems that cause poverty. We cannot set the captives free when we do not want to confront those who carry the keys. We cannot profess our solidarity with those who are oppressed when we are unwilling to confront the oppressor.”
- Self-Confrontation – “Probably the best criterion for determining whether our confrontation is compassionate rather than offensive, and our anger righteous rather than self-righteous, is to ask ourselves if we ourselves can be so confronted. … When we can be confronted by a NO from others, we will be more able to confront with a NO. Saying NO to evil and destruction in the awareness that they dwell in our own heart is a humble NO… And so all our NO’s become challenges to purify our own hearts… Each attempt to confront evil in the world calls for the realization that there are always two fronts on which the struggle takes place: an outer and an inner front.”

concerning fear:
- “Obedience is giving full attention to what the Father says to us in this very moment and responding lovingly to what we perceive, because God is our loving Father, in whom nothing that is not love can be found… When we are led by love instead of driven by fear, we can enter the places of the greatest darkness and pain and experience in a unique way the power of God’s care.”
- “Although Peter did not desire it, he was led to the cross as Jesus was. But because it was love and not fear that led him there, the cross was not longer a sign of defeat, but a sign of victory.”

concerning bombardment:
- “When there is no community that can mediate between world needs and personal responses, the burden of the world can only be a crushing burden… Confronted with human pain and at the same time reminded of our powerlessness, we feel offended to the very core of our being and fall back on our defenses of numbness and anger.”
- “Therefore, the question is, how can we see the suffering in our world and be moved to compassion as Jesus was moved when he saw a great crowd of people without food (Mt 14:14)?”
- “The Christian community mediates between the suffering of the world and our individual responses to this suffering… As a community we can transcend our individual limitations and become a concrete realization of the emptying way of Christ… As individuals we cannot be everything to everyone, but as a community we can indeed serve a great variety of needs. Moreover, by the constant support and encouragement of the community we find it possible to remain faithful to our commitment to service.”

Bush's visit...

2008-01-09T23:16:00.001-05:00

I wanted to write about something during the Annapolis conference a couple of weeks ago, however the only reactions I could find were indifference. Things will go on as they have gone on. There are students in Birzeit who think differently, however for the majority of Palestinians, they just want their life to move forward in peace in quiet. I find little information from the Israeli side. I was stationed in the West Bank. However the stories I heard were real, and the lives I met have been impacted drastically because of the occupation. This blog feels like a grain of sand compared to the stories that could be told and the understanding that could pour out from three months there.
After a heated discussion with my mom earlier this day about the end of times, my mind recalled verses in Romans concerning God' judgement - Romans 14:10.. "for we will all stand before God's judgment seat." 12 "so then each of us will have to give an account of himself to God."
The blaming will go on forever, but in Christ the blame is wiped free. Praise Him for His mercy, which is unto ages of ages!!

Final Days in Jerusalem

2008-01-09T21:42:00.001-05:00

A few days before I left to return home, I met up with a good friend of my father's from his early days in ministry. Bill Broughton, a few years older than my dad, left for Jerusalem, a couple years after they met, to pursue ministry there. He is currently the cannon at the Anglican Cathedral of St. George. A couple months ago, he phoned my dad after having been a few years out of touch, saying that while doing his devotions, our family came to his mind. He learned I was near Jerusalem, so we met up. These are some pictures from that day.

the Qalandia (sp?) checkpoint

the Greek Patriarch of Jerusalem (a good friend of Bill's), me, and Bill Broughton

St. George's Anglican Cathedral (the kneeling pads are knit from parishes around the world - I spotted one from Kwazulu-Natal, South Africa!)

the outside of the cathedral

the view of Jerusalem from Mt. Scopus (next to the Mt. of Olives)

My Brother's Birthday

2007-12-28T17:46:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow my brother turns 21. Here are some pictures to show my love for him yeah! ;)

his first day at home

at a beach last year near his college in Mass.

Passages...

2007-12-23T00:46:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, God puts certains songs, passages, or quotations in my path continually to remind me of truth or encourage my steps. Here is a sampling of a few that have given me smiles and helped me through this semesters.

"Roam", B-52's

Fly the great big sky

See the great big sea

Kick through continents

Bustin' boundaries

"Big Country," Big Country

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert

But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime

"Compassion," Henri Nouwen - this is an excerpt from a book I've been reading in the West Bank - seriously one of my favorites of all time!

"In our time, so full of cruel persecution, it is understandable that we ask ourselves if we would be able to undergo the severe suffering we read and hear about. We wonder how to prepare ourselves for it and often concern ourselves with a future into which we project many horrors and tragedies. But if our primary concern were to listen carefully to God in our lives and to discern his will for us here and now, these worries would prove to be unjustified and distracting. Much of our inner restlessness, nervousness, and tension is connected with our worries about the unknown future. Sometimes we try to alleviate these worries by far-reaching plans. But our work for the future should not be based on anxiety, but on a vision of something worthwhile in the present. When our schemes for a new world are only an expression of our unhappiness with the present, we risk engaging in what Thomas Merton called "organized despair."

Obedience is listening to a voice that speaks to us today and allowing ourselves to feel the loving care of God in our present lives. Obedience is giving full attention to what the Father says to us in this very moment and responding lovingly to what we perceive, because God is our loving Father in whom nothing that is not love can be found. Apprehension, fear, and anxiety cannot sustain themselves in his presence. Fear always creates distance and divisions. But in the presence of God fear melts away. 'In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love' (1 John 4:18)

Thus, when we pay careful attention to the loving presence of God, the suffering to which we might be led will never darken our hearts or paralyze our movements. We will find that we will never be asked to suffer more than we can bear and never be tested beyond our strength. When we are led by love instead of driven by fear, we can enter the places of greatest darkness and pain and experience in a unique way the power of God's care. Jesus' final words to Peter are the strongest affirmation of this truth. After having asked Peter three times, 'Do you love me?' and after having been assured three times by Peter of his love, Jesus said, 'When you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will put a belt around you and take you where you would rather not go' (John 21:18). Although Peter did not desire it, he was led to the cross as Jesus was. But because it was love and not fear that led him there, the cross was no longer a sign of defeat, but a sign of victory."

1 Thessalonans 1:3 - I studied 1 Thessalonians this semester

"...your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."

- these words, written by Paul, describe the lives of the Thessalonians who he loves dearly and desires to encourage through this letter. This passage encouraged me especially at the beginning of the semester when I greatly needed perspective.

Pictures from Egypt

2007-12-19T04:31:00.000-05:00

on the outskirts of Cairo...

Chris, Jan, Elias, and Geir

the classic shot

On the dinner cruise!

inside the Hanging Church

near the site where Christ, Mary, and Joseph fled

On top of Mt. Sinai (Geir, Elias, me, Chris, and Jan)

St. Catharine's Monastary

gazing out onto the Red Sea

Christmas in Bethlehem... almost

2007-12-19T04:20:00.001-05:00

Yesterday - the Norwegians and Chris and I went to Bethlehem for a brunch hosted by the Palestinian Bible Society for all the staff workers in their family. A couple weeks ago we attended a similar meeting, however, this festive lunch was to celebrate Christmas. It included people who work in Nablus, Birzeit, other regions of the West Bank, Jerusalem, and the Gaza team - who have relocated to Bethlehem because of the dangerous situation.

After finishing lunch, we ventured to the Nativity Church which was only a couple of blocks away. We had planned to spend a period of time there praying and quiet reflection. Upon entering the church, we heard a liturgy taking place, and luckily, there were little to no tourists - almost a miracle, considering what time of year this is. This was clearly the highlight of the day.

Later, we called Samer, Hosam, and Tony - 3 students we have met at the Living Stones Center to hang out. Their identity as Christians in Bethlehem means the world to them. As they have witnessed two Intifadas and multiple Christians emigrating from Bethlehem, they have pledged themselves to remain and fight as they can for the good of their city (of course, that means peacefully). We went to Shepherd's Field (the supposed location where the shepherd's received the message of Christ's birth) and then to a restaurant called The Cave to smoke hergilah (hubbly-bubbly) and eat dinner - who can say they've smoked hergilah on Shepherd's Field??

Then we went to Manger Square (right by the Nativity Church) and walked through the old quarter of Bethlehem, lit by Christmas lights. As we drove to Manger Square, a Santa was stopping cars on the street handing out chocolate - Chris shouted out the window... "Ana betalam Arabi!" (which means, "I'm learning Arabic"). I'm still laughing at that....!

Egypt!!!

2007-12-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

Craziness reigns in Egypt. As soon as we met people working at the border control we could tell the major challenge which lay before us would be avoiding manipulation and bribery from almost everyone from the taxi drivers to our tour guide. Of course, not all Egyptians we met were like this. In fact, our tour guide at the Hanging Church, in the Coptic Quarter of old Cairo, was a young lady who is learning Spanish so she can go to Spain to preach the Gospel because she’s realized, as she’s shared her faith with tourists at the church, that the Spaniards she’s met do not know much about Christianity. So, besides the multiple instances of corruption we encountered, our time there will go down as one of my most prized memories.

We left to drive south towards Elat in Israel with George, Nash’s brother, late Thursday morning. He dropped us off at the border crossing around 4 or 5 where we encountered our first “adventure” – acquiring a visa and getting a taxi to drive us to Cairo. We ended up having to pay a high fee for a visa because, not knowing that we needed one beforehand, we had to get the visa on the spot. A “friend” of one of the guys who made us fill out border crossing forms performed the deed for us. I sensed an incredible shadiness about the deal, especially as they tried to get us to purchase a taxi ride as part of the deal that we HADN’T agreed to. We were exhausted.

Once we finally got through that ordeal, we met a couple of men standing around taxis in the dark, dressed in robes I’d seen Muslim men wear in South Africa. After negotiating a price, we began our night trek to Cairo. Upon entering the city, I felt like I was in New York City – all of the bustling, traffic, and people living on top of one another – minus the skyline and some of the flashiness. We could see the outlines of many of the beautiful mosques. People walked through the street between the cars like they were weaving through a crowd of people – barely grazing the fast, honking vehicles.

After meeting George, our guide at the Canadian Hostel who helped us plan our time there (thank you Chris for the Canadian “in”), we passed out. Morning came soon for us. The rest of the day, a pre-arranged taxi drove us around the city to see the pyramids, a papyrus museum, and a Nile dinner cruise at night. I about flipped out when I saw the pyramids rising above the city skyline – what a contrast!!

The highlight was getting to ride camels around the pyramids. Now I can say I’ve fulfilled the stereotypical “thing-to-do” in Cairo. It was still out of this world. And yes, the pyramids are huge.

The dinner cruise gave us much laughter because of the entertainment on board. We could not help laughing at the Egyptian man on the boat who sang “Hero,” by Enrique Iglesias. Later that night, Geir, Elias, and I made our way to the Hard Rock Café – YES!!!

The next day, we wasted time sleeping in and trying to find a bus schedule from a bus station – however in the afternoon, we visited the area of Cairo where Mary, Joseph, and Jesus fled. The Hanging Church was a highlight, as I mentioned earlier, not only because of our guide, but also because of the magnificent Orthodox artwork that was there. I wished my dad could have seen it (in his retirement, my father paints Orthodox icons). There are tremendous amounts of symbolism in Orthodox art and architecture. For instance, the roof of the church is constructed like a boat, after Noah’s ark. Noah and his family represent passing from death to life, since they were the only humans that survived the flood.

After rushing around the Coptic quarter, we began the next phase of our journey – traveling to St. Catherine’s to hike the mountain in time to watch the sunrise. Little did I realize how arduous this journey would be. However, after riding at least 4hrs in a taxi and climbing four more hours to the top of the mountain – there is nothing in the world that can compare with watching the sunrise at the supposed spot where Moses received the Ten Commandments. It was Sunday morning, so as soon as the sun peeked out over the horizon, the atmosphere split with the sound of church bells. Oh, the final resurrection cannot come soon enough!!!

I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Egypt and am grateful for the opportunity to have gone!

The Greatest Day in Palestine

2007-12-09T08:34:00.000-05:00

Though it was close to a month ago, I still look back on this day with incredible fondness. It started the night before when Laila asked if she could spend the night at our apartment because she was having some problems with a roommate. Of course I was delighted. She overstayed her welcome a bit – but the week that she spent at our apartment was a great opportunity for us to get to know one another.

That first night she spent with us, she attended our weekly “get-together” – Chris, me, and the Norwegians meeting for prayer and fellowship. I gave a small devotion based on Philippians 2 and also an excerpt from “Compassion,” by Henri Nouwen.
The next day, Laila and I toured downtown Ramallah. Our first stop was her favorite dress shop. We thought it’d be funny if we told them I was looking for an engagement dress because I was getting married to a Palestinian! Unfortunately, they did not let me try on the dress that Laila wanted me to wear, so we moved on to some other shops – where she bought me a fake “engagement” ring, and I got some earrings. Then we pretended to be models in her favorite clothing store. A little while later, we met up with the Norwegians who were buying a birthday present for Mary, a girl in their team who is in Tel Aviv. We then went out to ice cream. After buying some vegetables that night at the crazy food market, we headed home and Laila and I set about making dinner. After a delicious dinner, we played cards for hours, listening to my favorite Coldplay CD (Live 2003). I think Laila felt very loved and it made all the difference.

News Article

2007-12-04T16:54:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, this is great article I found concerning the four issues that are barriers to the peace deal.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20071126bcmideastpeace_attn_national_foreign_editors_ytop

DONE with Graduate school!!

2007-12-03T07:06:00.000-05:00

As of approximately 2 min ago, I sent in my final assignment for graduate school. Can I believe that it's over? Hardly. It's funny to think that only a little over 15 months ago, I hadn't even heard of this program. What began as a gasp looking at an advertisement for this program in a South African magazine has culminated now in a semester in the West Bank - complete with hearing gunshots this morning celebrating the release of 429 Palestinian prisoners. Whew.

Some of the highlights of the program include (but are not limited to) the following:

- meeting FDB (Dr. Bronkema) and Sharlene with my mom at the Donut Building last year, early December (American Baptist headquarters - nicknamed "donut" b/c of the unusual shape of the building)

- getting to live at home

- the "characters" in my cohort (need I say more? :) )

- deciding to come to the West Bank (after prolonged conversations and "nagging" by Nash - haha)

- Being here in the West Bank

- Dr. Stapleford's class - i laughed everyday (esp. his graph depicted proximity to Canada related to need for grace)

- Mwamba - NOT!

PRAISE HIM!!

Retreat to Bethlehem

2007-11-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, Chris and I went with a group of 25 students associated with the Living Stones Center from Birzeit University to Bethlehem for an overnight retreat. The purpose was to bring these students together to hear lectures on self-awareness (with regards to personalities) and communication skills.

I am currently writing a paper in which I have researched some of the major issues facing Palestinian university students. As products of the First and Second Intifadas (uprisings) in 1987 and 2000, these students grew up under tremendous amounts of violence, trauma, and pressure. As part of the ministry of the Living Stones Center, it seeks through retreats such as this to provide seminars for personal development, to bring students together over common issues, and to create a semblance of an escape from the issues they face everyday as students under occupation.

This retreat also was an incredible way to get to know these students. I sat with them for hours discussing religion, listening to them play music, and also got to walk around Old Bethlehem with them. Overall, it was a very successful retreat and I feel very blessed to have had this opportunity to get to know these students better.

Selma, Laila, and me in front of the entrance to the Church of the Nativity

The inside of the church

Walking to the retreat center (also functions as a school for kids), called "Talitha Kumi" - what Jesus said in Aramaic to the little girl when He raised her from the dead - Mark 5:41.

Seminar

Having fun at night - at a restaurant in Bethlehem - Baha'a, Maj'd, Renad, Aboud, Tariq

Daily Life

2007-11-13T07:54:00.001-05:00

Some of the kids from the Catholic school coming out of school for the day. We teach English/Phys Ed classes here 4 days a week.

Playing foozeball - a Living Stones Center staple for the university students who come by (clockwise from left: Samer, Hossan, Ahmed, and Tony)

At one of the schools that we teach - in Surda (a community outside of Ramallah)

Hanging out!

Cooking with Laila!

favorite pics from jerusalem

2007-11-13T06:51:00.000-05:00

This picture is actually in Birzeit. The day we went to Jerusalem was November 11th - marking the 3 year anniversary of Yasir Arafat's death. Posters of him went up everywhere throughout town.

At the wall going into Israel, Chris got left behind... just kidding

In the Old City, Jerusalem

At the Church of the Holy Sepulchre (built at the site where Christ was crucified and buried)

Armenian Orthodox priests

We turned a corner and... whoa!!! There's Al-Aqsa Mosque! (built on the site where Abraham offered up Isaac)

At the Wailing Wall! (a dream come true)

Can you believe these t-shirts?!? Of course my eye caught the Philadelphia Eagles t-shirt

Jaffa St.

Jerusalem

2007-11-13T06:50:00.001-05:00

On Sunday, Ahmed took Chris, Geir, Elias and me to Jerusalem because he could finally enter Israel. A few weeks ago the Israeli government denied him a permit – but now that he has one, we celebrated by visiting some sites.

Getting into Israel proved to be very interesting. After taking the taxi from Ramallah (where we witnessed a growing fanfare of memorandum for Yassir Arafat who died 3 years ago today), we had to get off at the Wall and walk through 2 security “points.” The first seemed rather pointless, and the second felt like airport security (with a conveyer belt that stopped working when our turn came through to use it).

We took the bus/taxi to the Garden Tomb area and then walked straight into the Old City. It was really weird – like entering into this almost underground territory – no cars – only narrow, old, stone streets – with shops on certain alleys, and people walking around. Oftentimes we ran into little boys’ soccer games.

We headed into a small lunch shop and ate hummus and ful (which has beans) with pita bread. A couple bends around some corners and we arrived at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, also called the Church of the Resurrection. There were tourist groups from everywhere. We didn’t really know where to start – but just walked around the inside circumference of the church and witnessed a unique procession of Armenian orthodox priests around the supposed “tomb.”

We tried to enter the Al-Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of the Rock next, but the soldiers seemed to have a problem with Ahmed’s permit, and it was soon closing anyway. The Wailing Wall definitely took my breath away. I went to the womens’ section, and an elderly woman seemed to motion for me to use her chair to pray. A little later I peeked through the wall and saw Chris, Geir, and Elias with the Kippot on.

The next “site” included Jaffa street, where, Ahmed told us, the Abbas government had planned attacks before on Israelis, “…but don’t worry!” Haha! We ate delicious ice cream (the kind famous in Israel – mixing all kinds of frozen fruit with yogurt)… and then eventually headed back to Ramallah, and then Birzeit.

Pictures from Elat

2007-11-03T14:14:00.000-04:00

This article talks about the Sudanese refugee situation in Elat, and specifically about the Kibbutz we visited.

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3413031,00.html

This link talks about the OPCY program that we went to Elat with

http://www.pbs-web.com/pbs_1024.htm

Journal Entries

2007-11-03T12:14:00.001-04:00

10-31-07

As we climbed the hills into Jerusalem and into the West Bank, I had a sinking feeling of homesickness and yet found myself mustering up a firm resolve to continue onward in this task before me. I prayed. I honestly don’t look forward to teaching English. I don’t look forward to hearing more and more stories of the intifadas or of the many restrictions which complicate and frustrate the daily lives of Palestinians. Nor do I look forward to more conversations that I can’t partake in because I don’t know the language…
Moving through dusty, rumble-filled streets, we reached our apartment building and finally unpacked. It was nice in Elat to not have much of a schedule, to get a lot of sun, to see beautiful fish underwater, and most of all to visit the Sudanese refugee camp that the OPCY group performed in front of. But the week begins tomorrow as we sleep in, use the internet at the student center, and then perhaps teach English to seventh grade boys (and maybe some girls) at one of the surrounding villages. Three young guys from Norway recently joined Chris and I as volunteers out of the Living Stones, so we are looking forward to their fellowship and their assistance. Perhaps there will be even more laughter from the kids as they meet 3 fellows so different from themselves.
Tonight though, was great. Within the hour that we arrived back at the apartment, Ahmed called and said there was a concert in Ramallah centered around support for Palestine and its people. We packed two taxis with students from the Living Stones Center, walked through Ramallah center, and arrived at a cleared out, dusty parking lot where people gathered to listen to traditional Palestinian music and then some local rap artists. Unfortunately, I could not understand much of the lyrics of the rap songs, but with help from Mary, one of the students, and my limited Arabic, I could gather the song’s purpose, describing the plight of the Palestinians. 11/7/08
We read a book in Advocacy class that really changed my perspective on this – or more like answered some burning, unresolved questions in my mind. When the problems of the world are pressing down, when the issues seem too incredibly complex to unravel, when you don’t know where to begin to “witness,” it is enough to live faithfully to the Lord each day – and trust Him that as you boldly live your life for Christ, even a small change toward anything God-ward in a person you are trusting to impact for Christ is a victory. How comforting. This is not some wacked-out theology professor’s theory, but one that repeats itself quietly over and over again in Scripture. To trust God is to trust His timing and His work with the words you speak and the actions you demonstrate.
I’m hoping to grow deeper in my trust, wiser in my decisions, and more loving in my actions.

After Sana and Renad came over to cook food for us this afternoon, we went to hang out with Sana, Baha, and Ibrahim at a place where you can smoke hagila (hubbly-bubbly). But I just had some Nes-café. I really like Sana. She suggested we play a kind of truth-or-dare game in a get-to-know-you kind of format. We spun a coke bottle on a coffee table – whoever the spout of coke bottle pointed to, they were asked a question (or a dare) by the person seated at the other end of the coke bottle. Some of the greatest questions were, “What do you most like and dislike about yourself?” “Where would you most like to live?” and “What do you want to do most before you die?”
It’s not easy to live in a place of constant tension and uncertainty, but I guess this is the place God has chosen to conform me into His Son. I must rest in that. I love the people. I love the music. And I love that God has fulfilled yet another dream of mine in a way most unexpected and much more stupendous than I ever could have planned – to LIVE in the Holy Land, and not just Israel, but Palestine… What a Planner.

(Sana and Renad)

(Me and Renad)

This week

2007-10-28T10:14:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow morning, Chris and I will leave with a few Norweigan volunteers who arrived here to Elat, which is in the southern tip of Israel, at the Gulf of Aqaba. We are going with some members of the Bible Society who work with children to a Sudanese refugee camp.
On Friday, we will go with a bunch of students from the Living Stones Center to Jericho.

On a more funny note, Chris and I had the unfortunate experience of having a mouse in our apartment. Below is the video that Chris shot of the encounter!

www.cjlewis.wordpress.com

Besides catching mice, Chris and I have spent a substantial amount of time teaching English to students in the surrounding villages - mostly boys between the ages of 10 and 12. They come to the schools as kind of an after-school class. We teach about 15-20 at a time, 2 hours each class, four times a week. In addition, we're volunteering at the Catholic school in town, four classes a week - integrating english into a phys ed class for 5th and 6th graders. About two times a week, we teach an english class with university students from the University of Birzeit who come to the Living Stones Center. We've been forming substantial relationships with these students - trusting God with the fruit of these labors!

South Africa - Rugby World Cup 2007

2007-10-21T11:39:00.001-04:00

YEAH SOUTH AFRICA!!

A Passage

2007-10-19T06:51:00.000-04:00

The following is a passage out of Henri Nouwen's book, "Creative Ministry." This book has been very helpful to me, as he encourages ministers (basically every Christian) to not shun thinking deeply about the state of this world, and the power of Christ to deeply and mysteriously transform the suffering and shallowness that surrounds us. He challenges us to be real agents of change - wherever we are - to not separate change of the soul from change that also takes action. These are things I still continually seek to work through...

"For Christians are only Christians when they unceasingly ask critical questions of the society in which they live and continuously stress the necessity for conversion, not only of the individual but also of the world.
"We are only Christian when we refuse to allow ourselves or anyone else to settle into a comfortable rest. We must remain dissatisfied with the status quo. And we believe that we have an essential role to play in the realization of the new world to come - even if we cannot say how that world will come about.
"We are only Christian when we keep saying to everyone we meet that the Good News of the Reign of God has to be proclaimed to the whole world and witnessed to all nations (Matthew 24:13). As long as we are alive, we must keep searching for a new order without divisions between people, for a new structure that allows every person to shake hands with every other person, and for a new life in which there will be everlasting unity and peace.
"We must not allow our neighbors to stop moving, to lose courage, or to escape into small, everyday pleasures to which they cling.
"We must be irritated by satisfaction and self-contentment in ourselves as well as in others, since we know with an unshakable certainty that something great is coming of which we have already seen the first rays of light.
"We must believe that this world not only passes but has to pass in order to let the new world be born.
"We must believe that there will never be a moment in this life in which we can rest in the supposition that there is nothing left to do.
"But we will not despair when we do not see the result we have wanted to see. For in the midst of all this work, we keep hearing the words of the One sitting on the throne: 'I am making the whole of creation new' (Revelation 21:5).