I pulled away from campus today with a tremendous sense of the Lord's blessing. I've spent the past few days more introverted, and I've needed that. Sometimes I keep pushing so hard I don't know how I'm doing. I'm reading "Ordering Your Private World," by Gordon MacDonald and it has transformed how I view my time. Always being driven to fill my time in the most efficent way with the most productive tasks, it was quite a switch to be in full-time ministry where the substance of time is often hidden in absolute trust in the Lord and not in more visible evidences of output. I've learned that even if I spent my time differently, the only thing that matters is how well I am doing in the midst of all I do. If my inner parts are not in line or in disarray, it does not matter what I do on the outside - I will be lying on the brink of implosion. My first few months here, I experienced this too often.
This morning, I studied 1 John 4:10-12. v.12 "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." I am striving to do this. Later this morning I was to drive Hughneese, a first-year in Benjemijn I have been spending time leading, to take her driving learner's exam. She passed! But i knew I would be with her for an indefinite number of hours. What must I do but pray that for those hours that I may be waiting in line with her in dirty rooms with no air conditioning, or going without lunch when I wanted to eat - that I would think of her before myself.
After I dropped her off and was loved on by another girl from our ministry that I ran into, I felt an immense presence of peace. And the sun shone orange on the res'. My prayer is that I may continue to live this kind of "full" lifestyle whatever I do - not full of outward meaninglessness, but an inward meaning that expresses itself in all I do.
