This is why I like this book... :)

From Lauren Winner's "Girl Meets God":

On learning about Lent:

• "His Ash Wednesday homily, just the night before, had dwelt for a few minutes on fasting. He had spoken of the need to give up something that was truly important to you. To give something that was really truly yourself. He had encouraged us to remember what it was like to receive gifts from friends. So much of what made the gift meaningful, said Milind, was not the gift itself, but the spirit in which it was given. Say your friend has a beautiful green sundress. You have liked and admired that sundress for months. She gives it to you. If it's just a castoff - she has eighteen others just like it, so giving it to you is no real sacrifice - the whole exchange feels a little anticlimatic. But if your friend loves that dress too, loves it dearly but wants you to have it because she knows it will make you happy, then you are thrilled. The dress takes on a whole new meaning. 'That is how it is with the gifts we give to God,' Milind said in his sermon. 'I want to encourage you to give something to God that really matters. Something you really love. Something that is hard to do without.'

On baptism:

• "Jo got up and went to the bookshelf. She found an American Book of Common Prayer, which is slightly different from the Church of England's prayer book. 'Here, maybe this will make you feel better,' she said, flipping to the baptismal service. 'In the American prayer book, you don't just answer all these questions in the affirmative. You say, 'I will, with God's help.' I usually think the Church of England is much more together, insightful, and generally sane than the Protestant Episcopal Church of the U.S.A. But in this case, I think we Americans got it right. I will, with God's help."

On children:

• "A family of four, passing through New York en route to Niagara Falls, visits All Angels' for Sunday worship, and at the coffee hour I chat with the blonde and smiling mother, Violet. As she is telling me about the family's farm in Georgia, her small daughter, who looks about three, sidles up offering cookies. I coo. 'You have quite a handful of cookies,' I say, as my uterus skips a beat."

Did she just say that??

What I'm Reading and What I'm Writing

Oftentimes what we write follows something we have read. A style grips us or a topic begs our response. Lauren Winner's candid honesty in her book, "Girl Meets God," inspires me to grab ahold of my thoughts and make them more honest! To further inspire me, a trusted professor a few weeks ago advised me to sit down and write.... write... write.... Clearly, a lot still needs to get worked through because I continue to unlock treasures from my memories of the almost 5 months I spent in the West Bank this year. Whether I will publish an article from these musings(again something my professor enourages), or they will purely alleviate some "emotional constipation" (a term I coined in South Africa in the discipleship group I led), it is a beneficial process. In addition to my full journal from there, I now have 5 pages, single-spaced, and counting. Most of these begin in the present and then flash-back to days in Birzeit or other locales in the West Bank and Israel.

Here are some excerpts:

• (Arrival) I arrived there with little to no expectations. In fact, I was more excited to come to this place than I ever have anywhere.. I remember when I arrived in Africa.. I had this huge, romantic feeling that it was going to be “different”. It wasn’t. It was just like California, with a lot of black people, and gates.
  This time though, I didn’t really like it. I hated the white buildings, I hated the congestion, I hated how it looked nothing like I wanted it to. I wanted it to be barren, just like in my imagination or in childhood Bible storybooks. Nothing like it. Even though the mountain I looked across was Samuel’s and we were riding UP to Jerusalem. It didn’t make much difference. But I wanted to take it in slowly.

• (Arriving at Living Stones) We arrived at Living Stones and did a cultural taboo. We didn’t eat everything. Whoops. We were tired, and just badly wanted to call home. Boy were we happy to – and we were just happy to say we’d made it – maybe in a prideful way, but kind of in a happy way too.

• (Action) I remember my first night there – Chris and I were whisked to Living Stones and we knew that this was another world. What were we doing there? We could only wait. It turns out, we spent most of those early days sitting around our apartment, watching the Office, trying to rent films that worked, trying to figure out how the internet worked, getting ahead on our homework, and cooking whenever we felt hungry. It was laid back, but it was lonely. And isolating, and not really inviting at all. We saw kids playing with toy guns, and that was disturbing. I somehow had trained myself to expect that, so it didn’t seem quite as traumatizing, however I felt moved to action. Within a couple days, I had Chris and me over to the Catholic school in town to talk to the school principal about something active we could do with the kids. They signed us up for their gym classes with the 10 and 11 year-olds because they had gone through this routine more or less when Steven Bush was there (I think). The gym teacher was used to and was eager to work with volunteers. And he loved that idea. I don’t know if Chris was keen on it, and it might have been an area of tension for us, however we needed to work together on something and get our minds off of whatever was (or wasn’t) going on. It turned out to be hilarious. More of a burden than a joy towards the end – but definitely something that we look back on as a positive contribution to our days, and another good way to get to know the situation there.

• (Gaza) Then we met a neighbor on the way back in the elevator who said she would invite us over for coffee sometime. Wow, this sounds normal! We were getting ready to go out and hike around the town, when I think we received a call that we should meet over at our friends' house because two of our friends there wanted to talk to us. We promptly went and were served coffee – all light-hearted and cheery, like it was a normal Sunday afternoon where we are from.
  Then he entered the room and his face looked ashen. He always looks a little ashen and despondent when he has a migraine or something has happened to the car… but we realized this went a lot deeper than that.
  In his broken English, and in his hopeful tone, he told us that something had happened in Gaza to a member of the Bible Society. That Rami, the guy that ran the bookshop in Gaza was killed, taken from outside the shop as he was closing, held captive, tortured, and was killed. His wife has two little boys and another baby on the way. This was real life. This was the real Christian life coming up from the pages of the books and the Bible. They recommended that Chris and I not go out today on our own, or ever after night, but overall they were saying to just “Take Care.”
  
  Instead that afternoon, we went to Ramallah with Imad, his wife Sahhar, and their little son Saleh (she was also 7 months pregnant with their daughter). It was a great trip, however the ride over there was marred with chilling memories. I think this was our first time in a taxi and it seemed like one great adventure. The road twirls and winds its way down to Ramallah. Peering out the dusty, dirty windows at the people and the markets and small apartment buildings that dotted the landscape was cool.
  
  However we stopped abruptly about halfway on our way to Ramallah. An accident had happened, not blocking the road, but causing quite a ruckus like I’d never seen before. People were swarming everywhere over the yellow taxis that had crashed on their sides like toy cars. People were still coming out of them, and I think I saw a woman wailing, with blood coming out of her forehead.

What I've been up to

Summer begins here in Philly with a blast of hot, humid air. It has hovered above 90 F the past few days and we are ready for a rain storm. Summer also begins an interesting season for me as I move out of "transitioning to the States" and head full-force into a job search.

I really want to get back abroad.. but I think the Lord is having me here for many reasons.

I can divide what I've been going through in 3 sections:

1) Family

Coming home has been one of the biggest blessings I've ever experienced. After being the only foreigner, only English-speaker in a war-torn, oppressed place it's been great to be with my family, even though I feel like I could move out again ;) However, it's also given me the feet I need to stand up again and see what I should do next...

2) Friends

I've spent a long time catching up with friends. Having built some relationships with people in the area during grad school, I haven't had much time to catch them up on experiences in the West Bank, and share normal life with them for awhile. That's been a blessing.

3) Discernment

This area involves asking myself three very important questions: Where have I been? Where am I now? Where do I want to be? Having not really stopped since graduation from college, it's been an important time to reflect, think about the people and the places that have constituted the past couple of years, and how I've been led to the place where I am right now.

Prayer Requests:
1. I'm looking into work at AFSC (American Friends Service Committee). They do great work in the West Bank, and all over the world! I have a meeting in the coming days with them!

2. I'm leading at a week-long FOCUS camp in Martha's Vineyard, Mass. and will be giving a talk on the Resurrection. Whew - time for me to get those "talk muscles" from Campus Outreach in gear again!

3. This is a thanksgiving: I'm going to be studying Isaiah with a good friend of mine in the coming months. This is a long-awaited prayer answered for this kind of fellowship, so i'm excited!

Thanks for reading!

My Palestinian Psalm

One of the ways that God has enabled me to deal with some of my deep-down emotions concerning my time in the West Bank is to pray the Psalms with the Palestinians in mind. It's one of the most sure-fire ways I know to get my emotions off my chest and be heard, understood, and comforted.

I suggest doing this for any of the suffering you know. As you read it, you may begin to pray for yourself.. but think about how the Spirit of God transcends national boundaries, colors of skin, and life experiences to bring what is needed to the cry of the soul.

I sat there in my bed about 2 or 3 months ago in Birzeit, using this Psalm for soul, when I found myself connecting with the Palestinians in my prayer. If you know anything of the situation, you can probably see what I mean as you read these words. Let it speak to you.


Psalm 4

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my
glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and
seek false Gods?
Know that the Lord has set apart the
godly for himself;
the Lord will hear when I call to
him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search you hearts and be silent.

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the Lord.

Many are asking, "Who can show us
any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon
us, O Lord.
You have filled my heart with greater
joy
then when their grain and new
wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.