A Gift

Soon after I left New Haven, a talented friend of mine made a piece of art for me as a going-away gift. I didn't realize how meaningful it would be.

She took two of my favorite U2 songs, and extracted a certain portion of the lyrics, and watercolored the background.

The lyrics are from "Bad" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)"

This is the piece in entirety:

And this is what she wrote about it:

"I'm glad you got the gift! I never found time to write a card to go along with it. It would have explained what I was thinking with the piece- it's small but I think it came out more powerful than I imagined- I'm so glad these were your favorite songs. I was baffled by how deep the lyrics were and how in my mind, the lines that I extracted from the two songs fit together so well. The lyrics for the first song, though I've never heard it in full before, just seemed somber but real. I feel like this is our reality. Apart from Christ, this is where we are, struggling through different situations of painful desperation- and the words they chose were perfect to express the anguish. I imagined this as a note to us from Jesus- "Let it go, let these things go" and in a sense it is a cry of empathy for us, but it is also a command. "What more in the name of love" referring to His sacrifice, that washed away all the chains and oppression of this reality, He is saying 'What more can I ask- my sacrifice is perfect. Let it go, I have better for you."
I don't know, I looked at that combo over and over after I put it together and I just kept hearing the Spirit tell me that the grasp sin has over us might not be as tight as I imagine it to be. That in my fear, in my oppression, I give it power, but He can and will enpower me to let go and be free in Christ. I want that for you too. I want us to know what it looks like to love and live in freedom because of Christ."

The Rain

The rain is strangely soothing. When it pours, you can't do anything. All you can do is listen to it - and that is all you need to do.

I'm in the midst of much transition. Some of my readers may notice that I've entirely changed my blog (this happens each time I move). Instead of moving across the ocean, I'm moving down the coast of the eastern U.S., into the heart of D.C. It's what I've always wanted - but this is not exactly how I'd imagined it coming about.

As a young, bright, and naive political science major fresh out of college, I knew that the heart of the political pulse of America is D.C. and that one day, if I hoped to change the world in a "social action" way, I would live there. I still carry what that education taught me (plus a grad degree now); but I'm coming as the servant of something much larger than my own ego or dreams or definitions of "change" I'd learned in those classes. I'm much more sobered and balanced; and God knew I wouldn't have done any good moving to D.C. back then.

The dreams I dreamed then though were not only real, but many have been and are definitely being answered in much larger ways than I realize. Working for FOCUS has healed so many things that I never dared to pray would get better. But when our boss told us (me and Kendra) in January that our jobs were being cut after August for financial reasons, I could see that God was putting something new into motion. I still don't fully understand what or why this happening. I can barely imagine what this move will bring. Like a steady rain storm that drowns out all other sound but the pelting of precipitation, New Haven brought me to a point in which I stopped all the "activity" that had been filling my life, and I sat immovably fixed inside the well of God's resources for awhile, shoring up valuable resources until the time He chose for the skies to clear.

Well, in a way they have. Restoration surely happened and I'm eager to burst out of the gates and figure out what this new season is all about. But this rain storm reminds me that there is a flood of resources and peace abounding, which I tend to forget on bright and sunny days.

I grieve the loss of doing ministry in the New England Boarding Schools (NEBS). I tremble at the responsibilities ahead in the Greater Washington Area (GWA). I hope God comes and brings a rain storm once in awhile and I have a strong hunch, He will.

A talk that I never ended up giving

A few weeks ago, Rob, our boss, volunteered me to speak at an event we were having near a girl's school in Farmington, CT. Well, it turned out to be a terrible weekend for about every boarding school student we knew, and as a result, no one could come.

However, writing this talk was a richly rewarding experience. People prayed for me that I would learn new things about myself and God - and that definitely happened.

For some reason, several weeks ago, the parable of the Prodigal Son was on my mind. Perhaps my spirit needed reassurance of God's love. I also might have been thinking about how the role of the elder son played into the story - since that is the character I most resemble in the parable.

Jesus actually highlights the character of the elder son, if you look closely at the story. He is preaching this story both to reckless sinners, and reckless stuck-up religious freaks (who think they know everything). He points the story to these latter group of people - making sure they are aware that, not only are they rejecting God's mercy, but they are failing to enjoy and relish in a great party. May I never think I am beyond God's mercy and grace.

Here is the talk, as I have it written out in my notes:

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine from high school posted some old photos of us on facebook. Photos of us from high school. Be warned – a couple years from now, your friends will be posting embarrassing photos of you too.
However I was really struck by two of the photos I was tagged in. I looked like two different people. In one of them, which was taken at our prep school – I looked like a little J.Crew model with a smile that was really contrived and fake.
In the other, I looked like a stoned-out girl (like most of my friends) who rejected the conformity that we lived in at school.
I was caught between two worlds. In school, at Episcopal Academy, I played the Christian girl role – no drinking, no cussing, always modest. But I was never really myself, and I really resented the fact that this “Christian role” put so many boundaries on my freedom. I was starting to resent my faith.
On the weekends, however it was a slightly different story. The rebellious side of me came out. But this was never who I really was either. And what was harder was that my friends really knew that.

So why was I living a life of split-personalities?
I realize as I look back that my view of God was split in two ways; being really good and thinking that my life was all about conformity to God’s rules; and being really bad and going wildly in the other direction away from all I knew was right. The tension was enormous. Though I had been raised in a Christian home and had called myself a Christian for many years, I was unaware that there was a third option – an invitation to know this God better and understand what a life based on Him really meant.

So you might be surprised to know that there are actually two ways to run away from God - either by being very, very bad; or by being very, very good. Really? You can run from God by being good?
But how is that possible, you may ask?
Well, Jesus shows us how it’s possible in the story of the Prodigal Son, which is actually a story about two sons and a father – and how they deal with three things REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION.

Like watching a movie, Jesus told his listeners this parable to connect them with certain recognizable themes of human nature and therefore teach them what it means to put faith in Him.

So as we read the story, keep those three words in mind: REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION

READ Luke 15:11-32

REJECTION – a wrong view of God
Remember the three R’s we’re looking for? REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION
How do we see REJECTION in this story? These two sons that reject their father in different ways.
YOUNGER SON
We see the younger son rejecting his father by immediately demanding his full share of the estate (basically wishing he were dead). He squanders it and is obviously reckless in his stewardship of the money. It kind of reminds me of Paris Hilton; as one of the more reckless heiress’ of the Hilton fortune.
We don’t know exactly why the son rejects his father, but he obviously thinks that he can have a better life far away from home and far away from his father.

How do we see rejection with the elder son? It is far more subtle. Though he obeys everything his father tells him to do, he thinks of himself as a slave in his father’s house, and not as a son. The elder son has no real love for his father.

It was kind of like how I viewed God when I was in high school. My obedience was far more out of an attitude of slavery than love. Like the elder son’s relationship with his father, my faith was characterized more by resentment than joy, and I saw myself as more of a slave than a child of a Father.

Jesus shows us through these two sons that we can also reject God in similar ways. Like the younger son, we reject God when we decide that what we want for our lives is FAR better than what God wants. We say, “Give me what you have NOW.. and I’ll spend it in exactly the opposite way you said.”

Like the elder son, we can also reject God by viewing Him as a slave master, not thinking he really loves us. We therefore don’t really love Him and end up living out of bondage to Him.

Both of these rejections are called sin. It’s what separates us from God and all that He wants for us.

REUNION – the Father goes out to meet them

Let’s turn to the second R letter. Do you remember what is was? REUNION

The Father is in an interesting situation. He has two sons that bitterly hate him and respond to him in vastly different ways. One son outrightly denies him; and the other seemingly respects him for a long time, but is only paying lip service. What is amazing is that the Father goes out of his way to BOTH of them to receive them back into relationship with himself.

With the younger son, he excessively expresses his joy at his son’s return – even though the son only expects his father to take him back as a servant at best. It’s kind of like one of those classic movie scenes where you can almost see the Father running at slow motion toward his son, face full of emotion. We don’t really know what the son’s face showed, probably dread, shock, and then joy. But this reunion is backed up with the best the father can offer, a great party.

When the older son refuses to come join the party, the father also goes out to him, pleading with him; and ultimately inviting him to better understand what kind of father he actually is – one that would never deny his son anything – if only his son would see that this relationship is one of freedom and joy, not slavery.

I know for me; I was finally blown away when I realized that God not only ran out to forgive me for my rebellion and distrust of Him, but also for the ways I had viewed Him as a task-master.

REDEMPTION
So we have REJECTION, REUNION, and now REDEMPTION

Redemption means to buy or win back. It also means to free from captivity by payment.

The younger son is offered redemption – total acceptance back into the family. It would be like if at boarding school, a student that was expelled was allowed to come back, and not only allowed to come back, but placed in the honor classes and given the best seats on student councils.

In this story, the younger son takes up his father’s offer, and is thoroughly invited back into relationship with his dad. He is clothed with a new life, called redemption.

It is interesting however that we don’t know whether the elder son takes up his father’s offer to come join the party.

But here’s the Good News for both of them, if they receive the father’s offer, they have full rights again as sons, and a greater understanding of their father’s love for them that will change EVERYTHING.


CONCL

This is where Jesus leaves us in the story.

As the narrator, Jesus shows us that there are two ways to rebel against God. Like a true or false question, we can either agree with what Jesus says about Himself, or we cannot. However, there are two ways to disagree – one of them being far less subtle than the other. Both of these are called sin. This is the REJECTION illustrated in the story.
We can strike out in opposition to a relationship with God by saying we know what’s best for ourselves however we feel is right; by either being very good or very bad.

In all of this though, there was a price to be paid. Jesus tells this parable to point to himself, that the only way to be in a relationship with God is through Him. God can’t just receive us back into relationship with Himself without the problem of sin being dealt with.

The Cross was where the ultimate price was paid for ransom from our captivity to sin. This is where the REUNION is offered and REDEMPTION can be ours. Without Christ’s death on a Cross, we cannot be in relationship with God; because this Father must punish sin, by death. However, if, when offered this opportunity for REUNION, we take it, the Good News is that we then have a New Life – REDEMPTION.

When I realized this, summer going into my junior year of high school, it changed everything. Though I was already a Christian, I accepted this invitation to know God better as the Father that really does offer everything that is good to us.

How about you? What’s your impression of Christianity? Is it all rule-keeping? Is it more about what you’ve done for God; or is it about what God has done for us? This story is one of many examples in the Bible that shows us the Good News - that being a Christian is about God coming out to meet us in our rejection of Him through Jesus Christ.

Do you stand there before God like the self-sufficient son, thinking that you can come to God with your good works? Or will you be like the younger son and decide to wear that cloak and join the party that was made for you?

Nashat Filmon

My colleague from grad school (Eastern University) talks about the war from the view of a Palestinian Arab Christian. It's awesome. I have been blessed by him and his other colleagues that I was privileged to work with when I was in the West Bank.

Time in Boston

Last Monday I met a FOCUS student on the North End and we had a blast of an afternoon. Boston is fantastic, and I hadn't hung out there in awhile, though I go there about every other week to a school. This girl and I met last year at a FOCUS leadership retreat and realized we had very similar experiences in high school. So she basically deals with similar issues I dealt with high school. Beyond that, we also share a love of international politics and delicious ethnic food (especially Middle Eastern food!).

We walked around the North End, popping in and out of Italian pastry shops, and then ate delicious falafel sandwiches in a tucked away, Middle Eastern grocery store! We spent 2 hours talking in another Italian pastry shop sipping away at our coffee and tea, biting into a chocolate mousse pastry, and talked about faith, boys, and college.

For dinner, I hung out with another delightful girl who goes to a boarding school and I took her out to an Indian restaurant she'd never been to, but badly wanted to check out. It was Bollywood themed - right down to the actors and actresses' pictures under the glass on the table. We talked about random, hilarious things - which, in the midst of her heavy workload, and my deep-conversation packed day, was a lot of fun.

I headed back to the other girls' house where I talked with her parents and siblings over their meal of salad and pasta, and then homebaked cookies (made with molasses). We chatted about FOCUS, family, and future plans.

It's always nice to meet students' families because it gives you a much larger picture of their lives, as well as introducing a more holistic picture for ministry to that student. Not to mention the important fact that families get to put a face to a name when they hear their kids talk about "this FOCUS staff person" that comes to their games or takes them out for coffee!

I really enjoyed that day, and I look forward to more as spring approaches. These students are so special and reveal so much of the Lord's love to me every time I hang out with them. It is a joy to know them, even more to dig deeper in their hearts and see the fruition of faith in their lives.

Lunch Meeting

I just finished a meeting at a girl's school near Hartford, CT. Apparently these girls had been meeting on their own for weeks for fellowship and bible study without telling us! Well, that's boarding school students for you - independent and full of initiative.

After walking through their busy cafeteria to get a salad, I followed these girls upstairs to a lounge area, lit by some skylights. I didn't have a bible study planned because I told these girls I just wanted to sit in. However, they introduced me with much fanfare and the girls gushed about the awesome times they had enjoyed at camp this past summer. I look forward to next week when we can actually sing FOCUS songs with a guitar (instead of accompella, trying to remember them, to give the girls a "taste" of camp) and actually dig into the word.

Then one of the girls wanted to practice giving a school tour with me. I could have stayed longer, but these girls needed to do their homework and I look forward to being there next week, hopefully with Kendra, and maybe we could go out to Starbucks afterwards.

Yes, this job is amazing.

God's crazy direction

Sometimes, I reach points in my life that are absolutely blank pages. It's crazy how they happen. God shuts a door (I don't really know how they happen), and then I find myself somewhere amazing - much more amazing than I could have planned.

As a bit of encouragement and reflection, I'm going to list some of those moments now:

- At Davidson, when I didn't get the hall counselor position. I remember I looked at the world map over my roommate, Mary Donoghue's bed, and decided Ecuador was the place to study abroad!

- Independent study in Ecuador: Where the heck was I going to go? Well, I knew I wanted to be in the Amazon, working with an indigenous political organziation. But one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Ecuador in the first place was because of stories I'd heard growing up of Elizabeth and Jim Elliot. Wouldn't you know it that I ended up working with the indigenous organziation the represents the Waorani's to the Ecuadorian government.

- Field semester in grad school: I was trying to get back to South Africa, but felt less and less peace about it, and finding it frustratingly hard to get a work or volunteer position there. I had ALWAYS wanted to go to the "Holy Land." And wouldn't you know it, I ended up working with university students (awesome!) right smack in areas where Americans don't normally go (sweet!). And I also learned some of the biggest lessons of my life.

- Working for FOCUS: Now, THAT was random :) I needed tremendous emotional and spiritual healing after the West Bank. So I ended up with some of the best co-workers and supportive staff team I've ever had, with an organization I grew up with, and spent a summer on Martha's Vineyard!! The work is such a blessing!

Conclusion: God is crazy, creative, and intimately personal. He knows what I want before I ask. What's even more amazing is that I don't deserve it. Timothy 1:9 (New International Version)
who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,