Cecilia

Have you ever had a friend that you wonder why they aren't a part of your blood family? Though we've gone years and many seasons a part from one another, Cecilia is one of those friends (she's the one pictured on the far right). The Lord knew we needed each other when He put her in my life - and since then, she has stuck closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24) and was born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17). We didn't quite have the easiest time in middle school or high school. We weren' exactly "cool," as we were the only Christians in our grade. And though we cared at times, we knew there was something more than the rudimentary shallowness and baseness of the life around us.

She's engaged and I hope to be around for the wedding sometime next year - although this time last year I had no idea I'd be here! I'm grateful for the time we had sitting around tonight. These are some random memories...

Crew, Weezer, Star Trek, Sir, Dave Matthews Band, Christian radio stations, chapel, Roxborough, West Philly, the lobby crew, Latin, Greek (with some interesting teachers...), Konopka, our families, our brothers, Creation, Miss. Lockwood's class, Wheaton, singing and playing music together senior year chapel, introducing me to Christian music, flute, FOCUS...

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Prov 18:24

Habbakuk

These days, I feel like a rug has been taken out from underneath me. It would be a normal sequence of summer days, of getting work done, of painting, of hanging out. However, the Lord never leaves our days like we would expect. Does He always keep us on our toes? For sure; and for our good.

I hadn't read these verses in a long time, perhaps since my later years in college. Habbakuk 3:17,18 reads, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

As my dad and my grandmother sit day after day in the hospital, slowly mending from their injuries, I still have reason to hope beyond feeling depleted of emotional strength, or feeling strangely like a lot is out of place. As my study of the Patriarchs taught me this past spring, God works in instances, and through generations. There is more to His deliverance than what we see.

So as I get work done, paint, hang out, and check in day to day with my dad and grandmother, I must keep the bigger picture in mind, and rejoice that God is more creative than what is known.

My classes this summer are very interesting: Intro to Microfinance; and Disaster and Mitigation. We had 3 seven-hour classes two weeks ago, and will begin classes for "disaster" tomorrow. The readings are so interesting. These classes are unlike any I've ever taken before. The main body of work that I have to do for Microfinance is a paper - which I'm planning to write on South Africa - discussing the effects of apartheid on microfinance - exciting! I don't know which disaster I'll focus on for the other class...

By the way, the Lord brought these Habbakuk verses to mind through some "Disaster and Mitigation" reading I just completed.

FOCUS tonight

Tonight I spoke at FOCUS. I don't think i've ever had that opportunity before. As soon as I came home from South Africa, Jay Mcgee (who works part-time with Focus) asked me about speaking. YES - of course!

(FOCUS stands for Fellowship of Christians in Universities and Schools - and they minister to high school students - leading many of them to a relationship with Christ. I was heavily involved in this when I was at Episcopal - a great encouragement to me)

I basically talked tonight on how I arrived at COJ - from high school, through college, and onto South Africa, and now here. It was so good - i loved it, and remembered how much I loved connecting with the younger age - it's so huge to me. In the midst of mountainous schoolwork, I had forgotten the thrill of spiritually leading and connecting with younger girls - it was highly engaging and refreshing.

I gotta go to bed, it's been a crazy week... but I pray I never forget what it feels like to engage with spiritually hungry people who are younger than me.

Man from Togo

We were filing out of our Biblical Faith and Economics class, having been let out early so we could work on a major paper that was due this week, when an honored guest for our class arrived - his arrival completely forgotten by our professor. Although we were visibly disappointed, his arrival could not have been better timed. It was a great way to end our class.

The man had completed the Economic Development track a few years earlier and had spent time on the field since in his country and elsewhere. He was very attuned to the cultural adjustments we would have to make - especially those of internationals reentering their country. What was most influential however was his discussion of spiritual warfare. I feel like this is coming out of the woodwork all around our cohort - and it could be no less essential!! He spoke of the heightened need for spiritual awareness and sharpness in Two Thirds world. I could heartily agree, but realized how numb I had become. This culture desensitizes you so that, if you are not aware, certain trials and encounters can push you back spiritually when you are on the field. I must become sharper! I'm upset I can't remember more of his discussion with us - but I remember a deep sense of peace, and a serious charge to go forth and follow God as we venture into this field. He is leading us! His talk was deeply encouraging - and spoke courage to my heart. Since then I have had other moments of deep encouragement. The sermon today by Jason, as he mentioned suffering that we endure as Christians, ushered up a sense of calling and obedience. I know I must go this path - and there is no other! That is all.

A Season of Fruitfulness

This morning, I studied a portion from Genesis 41:50-57. It is about Joseph building himself into a fruitful minister of the grain of Egypt during a time of famine, and the start of his family. He names his second son, Ephraim, which in the Hebrew means, "double fruit" or, "the Lord has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction." The punch of the lesson was in Joseph's naming of his sons, signifying a desire to forget, yet be reconciled to his past. In many ways, this lesson made me want to work in campus ministry again. It was perhaps the most obviously fruitful season of my life, yet a time of great trial.

Though God is not leading me in my heart of hearts to a ministry among college students in the same capacity again, it made me hunger to taste the fruit of labors that work hard to produce lives that glorify Him. Whether this comes from motherhood, being a development practitioner, or meeting people everyday - i NEED this to be the focus of my life. This is the focus of my life. If I have nothing else to show for my life - it must be that I produced fruit to glorify Him.

I pray God would set me on this track for my life. I know if that is the desire of my heart, He will give it to me - I just have to remember in seasons where it doesn't seem as fruitful, it does not mean that something is not growing. I look forward to returning to the "field." And while I hope this would be South Africa, I know that wherever I next land, I must keep the desire for fruit at the forefront. Do not get lazy, and do not substitute anything else! Oh Lord, lead me to the place that is right, and do not let me forget the purpose of being your disciple - to give great glory to You!

"Amazing Grace"

That is the name of the movie I just saw. A movie on the live of William Wilberforce, whose life I mention below in another blog entry, is again, one of my biggest heros. Not so much for his accomplishments, but for his faith to persevere, his ability to rise above opposition, and commitment to just causes. This is what I aspire to. I know I can do nothing "apart from Christ" (John 15:5). Some scenes from the movie that stick out:

- Barbara's admonition to William to "spit out" the bad taste in his mouth, rather than continue to chew it

- Fox's speech about there being great men like Napoleon, who gained prominence from violence, and great men like Wilberforce who gained power to change things through peace

- his "re-discovery" of God as he lays on the wet grass staring at spider webs and flower buds on bushes

For more information on his life, check our this website: http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/special/131christians/wilberforce.html

I think our cohort of late has been struggling with perspective. We prayed over this as a group on thursday. It is not about completing our papers, projects and readings - although these are essential - but rather remaining true to our call in Christ - remaining steadfastly ground in His word and truth so that we can accomplish His purposes on this earth.

It is very clear that Wilberforce did not gain his calling to abolish slavery through earthly means or sheer ambition. Surely nothing of that cause can prompt someone to follow through on it with eternal intent, compassion for the whole person, unless they are powered by the Holy Spirit. Just think what would have happened had Wilberforce given up or given in to personal motives? Perhaps God would have picked someone else - but would that have increased Wilberforce's joy? No. It is a mystery how God calls people to their particular task in this world. I pray I can have ears to listen and courage enough to take His word at the bidding.

I believe William Wilberforce speaks directly to our desire towards holistic development. In a field wrecked by intentions gone wrong and seemingly endless battles - it is a field that begs for more than monetary assistance or intellectual insight. It really requires a desire to use the tools of development to better their soul - to draw their soul toward Christ - their only saviour. That is what I think William Wilberforce believed and propelled him toward abolition.

Sixers game!!

Sixers game!! Yup, that's where I was tonight! I went with Rosa, a student from my cohort. Her second cousin is Joe Smith! (#8) In my opinion, from tonight's game, he's the third best. They won 104-84 over the Knicks - it was a good game! The Knicks did terribly! After sneaking down from our second-level seats, Rosa and I were almost courtside - yeah!! We had gotten these tickets free from one of our professors. I'm not sure how he was able to snag those...

Well, now it's back to my neo-liberalism reading for tomorrow - from, yes, a Christian perspective! I'm very grateful for the diversion of tonight!

Quote of the week (from a Starbucks cup): "The test in life is not how far we go, but where we stand. Will we give in to selfishness and fear, or seek for others what we demand for ourselves: dignity and an equal chance?" - Robert Shrum (political stragegist and NYU fellow)