Anxiety, and Redemption

Yesterday, I found myself once again in the throes of anxiety. This remains a new, unknown struggle to me. Sure, unsure seasons have come upon me before in my life - but panic attacks are uncharted territory. This summer, this fall, and this spring I've come upon these crazy seasons.

Often, when seeking healing for these things, the symptoms often become worse before they become better. However, as stuff rises to the surface, my receptivity to Scripture and new words from the Lord becomes more acute.

Actually, these are more just pure, divine breakthroughs.

Again, yesterday, I sat in staff meeting with my other coworkers studying Matthew 16:21-28 together. We are going through a commentary on Matthew by Charles Price (a pastor I once heard in Toronto).

There are two things he says in his commentary in regards to the self-denial Christ speaks of:

1) "To remain single or to marry and have children is neither the goal nor the phobia of life. The goal is that at all times, in all circumstances, and at any cost we become the means by which God is able to do his work and fulfil his purpose, irrespective of personal implications to ourselves."
- for me, meaning this anxiety is one of the means by which God is doing His work (not that He wants me to have anxiety, but that it could be redeemed and used rightly)

2) "There is virtue only in settling the issue of the Lordship of Christ, and everything else falls into place as a consequence of that."
- God is Lord over this anxiety.

Similarly, an important distinction lies between worldly and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow says in the face of anxiety - "Crap! I'm anxious again - what's wrong with me? I'm so messed up! I'll never be ok, etc., etc., etc." Godly sorrow, however, carries a far different component. Not only does the hope of healing ("salvation") lie in its midst, godly sorrow also carries an ardent eagerness to be well again.

2 Corinthians 7:10, 11 "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."

This godly sorrow is comforting, because it doesn't end in death, but begins in an upward position, and ravenously reaches toward true healing.