As I head to Ivoryton..

I'm about to head to Ivoryton, CT for a week-long camp with high schoolers from independent schools across the east coast, but I saw this headline this morning: "Israel launches airstrikes on Gaza, 155 dead." The escalating violence that Gaza and Israel has witnessed is too much. Israel squeezed Gaza into a humanitarian crisis, and now it does this? This airstrike will only cause more rockets to flow into Israel, not less.

I remember when the last major airstrike happened less than a year ago. I was headed to church with some Norwegian friends of mine, crossing through downtown Ramallah, when we were stopped in our tracks by protesting children - in solidarity for the many children killed over the weekend in Gaza. On our way back from church, as we crossed a checkpoint, the smell of burning tires and the sound of Israeli soldier's "preventive" bullets filled the air.

This airstrike will only cause more death and violence. Though I studied political science and spent close to half a year in Palestine I know I could be the last one to advise what to do. All I ask for is prayers for the many that are suffering, that the Christians I know living there would not be overwhelmed, and that God would have mercy on this region and on my friends who live there. (these are pictures taken recently of some of them).

Title Change

I just changed the title of my blog. I'd been playing around with different title names, and landed on this - I'm pretty much settled in Connecticut now for the time being, and also am no longer currently learning Arabic (however I would jump at the chance to do so again). "Fadi" is a word I continue to hold dear. It means REDEEMER - and that is definitely a theme that I clung to over this past year. I renamed my blog GRACE UPON GRACE not only after John 1:16, but because it sums up many things we discuss in my homegroup. We began the year discussing how we need God's grace for various things - for reflection, for processing, for thinking ahead for our future (everyone in our group is a former "missionary" of some sort). We also discussed how God gives us His grace to lead us into different stations in life. When I think about it - there's no way I could pick up and move to the West Bank right now (even though I'd LOVE to) - however a year ago, God's grace gave me the fullness to go ahead and do the work He'd set out for me to do, and provided everything that was needed - including physical and spiritual support. His grace also provided for me to come on staff with FOCUS this past summer. It's definitely a mystery how this works, but I continue to see this grace clearly at work to lead and sustain.

P.S. The picture was taken after an ice storm that hit upstate NY when I was up at the Emma Willard school for a visit.

Psalm 12

(As taken from Patrick Henry Reardon's "Christ in the Psalms," pp. 23, 24)

The idea is now common that the primary purpose of speech is communication, the sharing of ideas, impressions, and feelings with one another. Language is currently considered to be, first of all, social and therefore completely subject to social control. Human speech is widely interpreted as a matter of arbitrary and accepted fashion, subject to the same vagaries as any other fashion. Thus, the senses of words can be changed at will, different meanings being imposed by the same sorts of forces that determine whether other tastes happen to be in vogue. Words become alterable as hemlines and hats.

According to this view, words are necessarily taken to mean whatever the present living members of a society say that they mean, so that the study of language really becomes a branch of sociology. In fact, sociology textbooks themselves make this claim explicitly. Moreover, this notion of speech is so taken for granted nowadays as to nearly assume the rank of a self-evident principle. Nonetheless, it is deeply erroneous.

It is also egregiously dangerous to spiritual and mental health, for such a view of language dissolves the relationship of speech to the perception of truth, rendering man the lord of language without affirming the magisterial claims of truth over man. Declared independent of such claims, language sumbits to no tribunal higher than arbitrary social dictates. Human society, no matter how sinful and deceived, is named the final authority over speech, which is responsible only to those who use it, subject to no standards above the merely social. That is to say, in this view words must mean what people determine them to mean, especically such people as cultural engineers, political activists, feminist reformers, news commentators, talk-show hosts, and other professionals who make their living by fudging the truth.

This current notion of language was well formulated in the declaration of the proud and rebellious in Psalm 11 (Hebrew 12), in a passage manifestly portending the mendacious times in which we live: 'With our tongue we will prevail. Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?'

How different is the view of the Bible, where speech is not regarded, first and foremost, as a form of communication among human beings. In fact, Adam was already talking before ever Eve appeared. Human speech, that is to say, appears in Holy Scripture, earlier than the creation of the second human being, for we find Adam already naming the animals prior to the arrival of the marvelous creature that God later formed from his rib.

At the beginning, before the Fall, Man was possessed of an accurate perception into reality. He was able to name the animals because he could perceive precisely what they were. His words expressed true insight, a ravishing gaze at glory, a contemplation of real forms, so that the very structure and composition of his mind took on the seal and assumed the formal stamp of truth. Human language then was a reflection of that divine light with which heaven and earth are full. The speech of unfallen man was but the voice of vision.

This primeval human language, the pure progeny of lustrous discernment, flowed already forth from the lips of Adam prior to the creation of Eve, who heard it for the first time when her husband, awakening from his mystic sleep, identified her and told her exactly who she was: 'You are bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.' Human speech was already rooted in the vision of truth before it became the expression of human communication.

Moreover, the Fall itself, when it came, derived from that demonic disassociation of speech from truth that we call a Lie: 'You will not surely die.' Eve's acquiesence in that first lie was mankind's original act of metaphysical rebellion. It had more to do with the garbling of Babel than with the garden of Eden. It was human language's first declaration of independence: 'Our lips are our own; who is lord over us?'

Just as truthful speech streams forth from vision, springing from the font of a pure heart, so lying is conceived in the duplicitous heart before it issues from the mouth. Says Psalm 12: 'Each one has spoken follies to his neighbor, deceitful lips have spoken with a divided heart.' The situation described here is so bad that one despairs of finding any truths left in human discourse: 'Save me, O God, for the godly man has disappeared, because truths are diminished among the sons of men.... The wicked prowl on every side."

In contrast to these varied, seemingly universal lies of men stand the reliable words of God: 'The words of the Lord are pure words, smelted silver purged of dross, purified seven times.' In this very unveracious world we yet trust that, though heaven and earth pass away, His words will never pass away.

(Fr. Patrick Henry Reardon is pastor of All Saints Antiochian Orthodox Church in Chicago, Illinois, and a Senior Editor of Touchstone: A Journal of Mere Christianity.)

Princeton was a success!!

No one can argue that Princeton Weekend did not rock the house. Over 120 private school students attended from Baltimore to Boston. I had the special privilege of seeing some of these lives up-close and watch their reactions and responses to the messages given at the meetings.

Although sleeping on a mat in a school might not constitute the greatest of pleasures, it was worth it to hang out with these students and participate with them as they search deeply for meaning - beyond getting good grades and keeping up an image.

The session Caitlin and I gave on social justice also I pray, grows some fruit.

NOW to look forward to IVORYTON!! (Another retreat, though a week long, in Ivoryton, CT). Several students I know already plan on attending. HOORAY!! In between now and then our region will be hosting a few Christmas parties for boarding school students which promise to be fun.

Now for some pics from the weekend:

Jamming at the concert

This is where it all went down.

Before we drove off, we all had a good holler. Some song about a wagon wheel?

This was the name of our small group.... Yup! You might not have guessed that we had some very serious and edifying discussions about faith after each of the talks.

Some good friends from Internship One camp where I volunteered this summer. Mostly boarding school kids in this pic!

And my fellow staff mates - who always bring down the house, or knock down the playground, whatever the case may be.

Princeton is around the corner...!

Tomorrow I leave with 3 other students for Princeton University. It is a weekend full of fun, talks and concerts for private school students from Boston to Baltimore. There are over 120 students attending. I myself am giving a special session jointly with my friend Caitlin on the Justice of God. Big topic!! This is in light of our special experiences dealing with poverty and ministry issues in both the States and abroad.

While I am making the mix for our hours long car ride, I reflect on the past few months. In between school meetings and staff meetings - I have helped 2 roommates put an apartment together, hosted a housewarming party, and continued to integrate into our local church in New Haven.

My homegroup from church on Tuesday nights has remained perhaps the biggest blessing of my months here. We meet two houses away in the upstairs apartment of a young couple who lived in Turkey for a few years. Among the 15 or so people in our group is a missionary kid from Hong Kong, a young woman who did campus ministry in Belarus, and couples who have lived abroad in Iran, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, and Bangladesh. We bring our experiences together every tuesday night and lay them together before the Lord, waiting expectantly for healing and receiving assuredly of His comfort and encouragement.

We've adopted a motto as we've searched through these issues: "Things we've done, things done to us, and things that just happened."

More importantly, I believe we have really come to learn more about how the Grace of God operates - how it leads us in the varied situations we've experienced, how it is brought us through these situations, and how this grace continues to teach us lessons and empowers us to live lives that are even more Christ-centered than we imagined.

As I close asking prayers for this weekend, I want to leave you with some stellar shots of the past few months!

In a field after apple-picking with my staffmates!! Kendra and Liz

I bought a fisheye camera for my birthday. This is one of the photos I took of some girls from Ethel Walker school when we went out to dinner.

A friend I made this summer

Emma Willard's gorgeous campus

After a bible study with some Emma Willard girls

Hysterically laughing with some "fellows" at our FOCUS fellows retreat

All of the FOCUS staff fellows. For some reason I look really small in this photo..?

Some adorable pics of my boss' son

Sometimes we don't get much work accomplished... :)

This new ministry

Doing ministry at boarding schools is SO different than campus ministry. Of course, it carries many of the same principles: meeting with students one-on-one or in groups, starting up Bible studies, leading Bible studies, recruiting to camps, staff meetings.... However, boarding schools have big restrictions on who can come to their campuses and when.

Also, our purpose is to make school fellowships sustainable. So, for instance, there is a fellowship already going at a school about an hour and half from here that is run primarily by a physics teacher who is a Christian. This is great! However, we want to help him lead it and support him so that he is not burnt out. Also, since he's a dude, he can't really minister to girls.

Another thing unique about boarding school ministry is that boarding schools in the New England region are very godless (I mentioned this in another blog entry). It reminds me a ton of my school experience. I only had one Christian friend - and oftentimes it was not only peers but teachers which would try to quelch my faith!! So, it can be tough for these students, not only to hear the Gospel, but also to maintain any kind of strong faith in the face of such opposition.

Although the socio-economic atmosphere of boarding school ministry is something which contrasts greatly with where I've been for the past four years - God is teaching me a lot about adminstering the Gospel to a group of people that are starved for faith, and longing to be loved. In many unexpected ways, a similarity exists here between New England boarding schools and my experiences in South Africa (University of Johannesburg) and the West Bank (Birzeit University).

Finally, instead of one campus at which I minister - the four of us on our staff team (Rob, Liz, Kendra, and me) are spread out (or go two-by-two), ministering to the following schools which have existing fellowships:
Avon Old Farms
Deerfield
Emma Willard
Groton
Loomis Chaffee
Middlesex
Miss Porter's
Northfield Mt. Hermon
Pomfret
Salisbury
Taft
Westover

The following four schools do not have existing fellowships, although we have contact with students:
Choate
Ethel Walker
Hotchkiss
Kent
St. Mark's

In addition, we are praying that this year a couple more schools, from a list of about 30 would begin school fellowships or start having contact with FOCUS.

This coming weekend we have an event called Infocus - gathering a bunch of students we know through our contacts or through the fellowships, for an afternoon and evening of fun and fellowship. We are expected at least 20 students to attend!

That's all for now. Please pray that our staff team would find our "rhythm," and that we would follow God's lead according to where He is working.

sent from a faculty member at Emma Willard

This email concerns a student at one of the camps I volunteered at this summer. This particular faculty member helps lead a fellowship group at one of the boarding schools we reach out to, Emma Willard. Exciting stuff!!

...she is a different young woman this year. She has led our first devotional (we asked the kids to read Colossians this summer, and so she was especially excited that you all looked at Colossians this summer at camp:). She is dynamic, mature, clear, purposeful, TACTFUL and SENSITIVE to others' needs, and simply wonderful. I had no doubts about the importance of Focus summers on the Vineyard, but am now even more convinced of what can happen in a few short weeks. May God continue to bless you and your work abundantly. Please know that we are benefiting this year from some of your fruit:)

Isaiah 51:7, 12

Hear me, you who know what is right,
you people who have my law in your hearts:
Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults...

I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass.



Driving back from the Deerfield Academy fellowship meeting on Wednesday night, my staff mates Liz, Kendra and I began talking about the major changes that must happen for a student to take Christ seriously. Boarding school in New England is a radically godless place. I have heard that teachers will openly ridicule students for having "faith." Christian faith, that is.

Even more intimidating is the peer pressure that these students face. I remember what it was like: Trying to not play the part of the outsider. Trying not to drink but desperately falling into compromising situations all the time. Trying to keep up appearances with the latest fashion from J. Crew or Banana Republic. Trying to excel in the classroom and the sports field. Trying to get into the best college.

For boarding school students, these pressures are incredibly intense because there are not many escapes from it.

My prayer for these students is that they would strive to taste the freedom of living without fear of reproach of men. Even as I pray that I myself may strive towards this freedom and this taste!

Living in New Haven

So I just moved to New Haven yesterday and there is a lot of work to do. I'm basically living in a "fixer-uper" second-story apartment of a house - having to repaint everything... However I am living with two other great girls and we are all in this together. We live in a low-income area of New Haven - however, close enough to town (and everything else) that I don't feel like I have to travel far to anything (except for the boarding schools which I will start to travel to later in September).

I am psyched to be here. Although it might be hard to sense God's "affirmation" with so much grunt work to get settled, I definitely sensed another "wave" of it today in church. I will mostly likely attend a non-denominational church in town with many other like-minded, missional people (including my roommates). Definitely the kind of community I need. In fact, on my seat at this evening's service was a flyer describing the different homegroups in the community that people can attend. Here is the description of the one I plan to go to:

"The group will be open to anyone, but will be particularly focused on helping people to process issues of life and calling that are related to return from past or preparation for future overseas work and service, particularly in the Muslim world. There will be a strong emphasis on personal sharing and on focused prayer for one another, as well as on worship and on biblically based discussion of practical life issues." (italics-mine).

(it is led by a couple with two young children who live two houses away, who have been missionaries for a time in Turkey)

Needless to say, I feel more confirmed to be in this setting, at this time, than any other season of my life (maybe an exaggeration, but it feels pretty real!).

That said, I also need prayer for perseverance - to get through the long and physically arduous process of settling in, as well as relationally settling into an unknown place. Even more, I pray for time to really pray and dedicate the year ahead to the Lord. I'm not sure exactly what I will face as a "boarding school minister" - but I trust that He has clearly led me to this point. So, while I continue to process South Africa and the West Bank, there is a lot of personal growth ahead, which is another main reason why I took this job, and another area for spiritual diligence.

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to relaying messages here about God at work in community in New Haven, and also among boarding school students in New England.

For those that don't know where New Haven, Connecticut is (or Connecticut, for that matter), here are some helpful maps:)

Starburst Commercial

Another favorite commercial..

Tide-to-Go Superbowl Commercial, My Talking Stain Ad My Fav

Favorite commercials of my new FOCUS staff friends.

In the news...

I picked up a Newsweek yesterday morning in the Philadelphia airport as I was headed to Chicago and read perhaps the most honest and accurate description of what is actually going on in Jerusalem. Sometimes it is very hard to describe in facts and figures what is going on and how it affects people, and yet also to be sensitive at the same time.

Here are some bits and pieces of the article - however, I recommend picking it up. You can read the entire article here.

The article begins by describing the life of the man that recently delved his construction vehicle into innocent civilians in Jerusalem. Not too many months before, a similar event ensued. The first string of these recent incidents, which occurred in March, I remember hearing about from a student in the West Bank that night, that 8 Jews had been killed in Jerusalem at a seminary....

Sadly, I can understand why these happen.. why they are not random, and yet also why they are not organized (as much of the world thinks). These are normal men, sick of their situation, and desperate for positive outlets and opportunities.

While Palestinian "Jerusalemites" have a life better than their West Bank or Gaza fellow countrymen, things have quietly been getting worse:
"Since the summer of 1967, when East Jerusalem was annexed by Israel, the district has built close ties with both the Israeli economy and Palestinian culture. That combination has been a formula for relative stability, earning East Jerusalemites the trust of Israelis on the city's west side.
But in recent years Israel has dramatically altered the sector's landscape. In 2002, former prime minister Ariel Sharon began building a 460-mile barrier—in much of the city, a 20-foot-high concrete wall—that slices deep into Palestinian territory and divides neighbor from neighbor. A network of new access roads and checkpoints has further chopped the territory into a hodgepodge of Palestinian enclaves. Even as Israeli settlements proliferate in East Jerusalem, building permits for Palestinian homes are becoming a rarity."
As an Israeli rights lawyer said, "We're screwing them royally... We've cut them off from the West Bank without integrating them into Israel."


Another interesting fact is that while Israel reacts by targeting mosques and other Islamic centers as hotbeds for these kinds of "terrorists," they are undermining the very fabric of the majority of Palestinian life. One man interviewed in the article says that it is unsafe to go the mosque even three times a week, for fear of getting arrested. Unbeknownst to itself, Israel is playing a direct role in creating the kind of grassroots, radical Islamists that it fears...

Love's Redeeming Work Is Done

Love's redeeming work is done,

Fought the fight, the battle won.

Death in vain forbids Him rise;

Christ has opened paradise.

(Refrain)

Alleluia, Alleluia!

Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King;

Where, O death, is now thy sting?

Once He died our souls to save,

Where thy victory, O grave?

Soar we now where Christ has led,

Following our exalted Head;

Made like Him, like Him we rise,

Ours the cross, the grave, the skies.

(an old hymn)

Level One Internship -

Strengths:

• grace-filled community of our leadership team and their attractive fellowship
• openness to what God would do with me (by God's grace) - I was desperate!
• constant attention given in prayer to what God was doing in the lives of the students
• strong teaching program (morning and evening talks from Colossians, small group bible studies on Exodus)
• good weather

Highlights:

• early-morning devotion given on FREEDOM
• Prayer Day (at Great Rock Bight)
• Hunt the Spy (there were some amazing disguises!)
• day-off with Caitlin and Audrey
• hearing students' testimonies
  

Having attended various FOCUS camps in Martha's Vineyard since Middle School, I had never attended an Internship One until this past July. This camp helps students delve further into the faith, learning the basics of "putting off the old self" and putting on the new. Students learn to articulate their faith and learn what it means to live as a Christian. All of the 55 students on this camp came from private schools from Boston to Richmond.

Acquina Cliffs

Crazy morning (getting ready for a game)

Great Rock Bight

Hunt the Spy - A brillant game in which leaders disguise themselves around Edgartown and must be found by students. I'm the "pregnant woman" in the center.

Hanging out on the lodge porch

PURPLE CABIN!!

Sunset Reflections (students take Bible and journal and pan out along beach..)

While watching students' lives transform cannot compare to much else, the most profound memory from this camp included the gentle, solid leanings of the Lord to go on staff with this organization. I'd never seriously considered it before this camp, but found myself enjoying my fellowship with the staff so much, connecting with the students' need for the Gospel, and realizing how this "job" right before me matched beautifully with this season in life.

All that to say, at the end of this month, I will be moving to New Haven, Connecticut and will serve in FOCUS' boarding school ministry. I will be raising support, helping lead fellowship meetings at a couple boarding schools during the month, make connections with faculty and staff at these schools, and building relationships at a church that my other two roommates attend in the city.

Rob, my new boss, and his son Andrew

Michelle, a student at Hotchkiss in CT, and Jen, going on staff in Boston area

Anne, far right, is a student at Deerfield in Mass. She memorized the entire book of Colossians!!

Sarah (far left) is a student at Emma Willard in NY - i'll be connecting with her!

Liz (the one with the hat), my new roommate! and Audrey, going on staff in NYC

Another settlement

Upon arriving in the West Bank this past year in October, I realized how detrimental Israeli's settlements were to the peace process. It is as if Canada made towns in the United States and singlehandedly controlled them. In essence, Israel is currently cutting up the West Bank (part of Palestine) up like swiss cheese. And the entire international community turns a blind eye. And the media does not report it.

Here is an article I ran across today from Associated Press:

By LAURIE COPANS, Associated Press Writer
Thu Jul 24, 6:46 AM ET

JERUSALEM - "A key committee has approved construction of the first new Jewish settlement in the West Bank in a decade, an Israeli official said Thursday. The news infuriated Palestinians, who said the decision could cripple peace efforts.

The only hurdle that remains is Defense Minister Ehud Barak, who plans to approve the Maskiot settlement within weeks, the official said. Barak had signaled to the national planning committee that it should authorize the plan, the official said.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the Defense Ministry did not officially announce the settlement would be built in the Jordan Valley Rift, an arid north-south strip that forms Israel's eastern flank with Jordan.

Asked why Israel was moving ahead with the politically charged plan, the official said that it has been in the pipeline for years.

Israel originally announced in 2006 that it would build Maskiot, then froze the plan after international outcry. But earlier this year, nine Israeli families settled in mobile homes at the site, which Palestinians claim as part of a future state.

Settlers say around two dozen more families are waiting to join them.

Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat accused Israel of undermining U.S.-backed peace talks.

"This is destroying the process of a two-state solution," Erekat said. "I hope the Americans will make the Israelis revoke the decision. I think they can make the Israelis do this."

The U.S. Embassy had no comment. But on her last visit to the region in June, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said settlement building "has the potential to harm the negotiations."

When talks renewed last year after a seven-year breakdown, Israel promised not to establish new settlements in the West Bank. The two sides set a goal of reaching a final peace accord by the end of the year, but have since scaled back their ambitions, in part because disputes over Israeli settlement have impeded progress on peacemaking.

Palestinians want the final deal to outline the formation of a Palestinian state in most of the West Bank, the Gaza Strip and east Jerusalem. Israel captured those territories in the 1967 Mideast war.

Asked to comment on the revival of the plan to build Maskiot, Israeli government spokesman Mark Regev said, "Israel will stand by its commitments," and noted that Barak has not yet given final approval for the construction.

He would not elaborate. But Israel historically has interpreted its commitments on halting settlement expansion differently from the rest of the international community.

The Maskiot community is made up of settlers Israel evacuated from Gaza when it left the territory three years ago. When it withdrew from Gaza, Israel promised not to relocate evacuated settlers to the West Bank.

Earlier this year, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas briefly called off peace talks over continued Israeli construction in the West Bank and east Jerusalem.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has sharply criticized the building, saying it hampers peace efforts, but the U.S. has not penalized Israel.

Maskiot had decades ago been established as a military base, and four years ago a religious school was set up there. But no one had lived at the site until February.

Many Israeli settlements have been established in precisely that manner, beginning as military points that are gradually converted into fledgling communities that gradually grow.

Like many settlers, those at Maskiot are Orthodox Jews who believe God gave the West Bank — the biblical heartland Israelis often call Judea and Samaria — to the Jewish people."

A friend's commentary on the recent violence in Jerusalem

"Many of you have probably seen the latest news of violence in Jerusalem: a Palestinian living in Israel attacked a bus while driving a bulldozer killing several people. What a tragedy. Immediately this was declared the latest act of Palestinian terrorism. This man, however despicable the act, was not a terrorist and did not belong to any terrorist organizations. The Israelis responded with calls to cut off this man's whole neighborhood from Israel with the infamous wall. This is to affectively isolate and withdraw the citizenship of everyone in his whole town. Furthermore, his home, which houses 22 people (!) is scheduled to be demolished. What a tragedy.

In the US it would be as if a school shooting was done by a black student from a poor inner-city neighborhood and then the US government demolishing this student's family's home and then calling for his whole black neighborhood to be punished by removing their citizenship and booting them out of the country. This is collective punishment and this is racism. Inflicting pain on others does not do away with our own pain and it does not provide security. Let us pray for both the victims of this attack as well as for the family of the attacker."

BBC does a good job in covering the story. Please read the story at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7490212.stm:

This is why I like this book... :)

From Lauren Winner's "Girl Meets God":

On learning about Lent:

• "His Ash Wednesday homily, just the night before, had dwelt for a few minutes on fasting. He had spoken of the need to give up something that was truly important to you. To give something that was really truly yourself. He had encouraged us to remember what it was like to receive gifts from friends. So much of what made the gift meaningful, said Milind, was not the gift itself, but the spirit in which it was given. Say your friend has a beautiful green sundress. You have liked and admired that sundress for months. She gives it to you. If it's just a castoff - she has eighteen others just like it, so giving it to you is no real sacrifice - the whole exchange feels a little anticlimatic. But if your friend loves that dress too, loves it dearly but wants you to have it because she knows it will make you happy, then you are thrilled. The dress takes on a whole new meaning. 'That is how it is with the gifts we give to God,' Milind said in his sermon. 'I want to encourage you to give something to God that really matters. Something you really love. Something that is hard to do without.'

On baptism:

• "Jo got up and went to the bookshelf. She found an American Book of Common Prayer, which is slightly different from the Church of England's prayer book. 'Here, maybe this will make you feel better,' she said, flipping to the baptismal service. 'In the American prayer book, you don't just answer all these questions in the affirmative. You say, 'I will, with God's help.' I usually think the Church of England is much more together, insightful, and generally sane than the Protestant Episcopal Church of the U.S.A. But in this case, I think we Americans got it right. I will, with God's help."

On children:

• "A family of four, passing through New York en route to Niagara Falls, visits All Angels' for Sunday worship, and at the coffee hour I chat with the blonde and smiling mother, Violet. As she is telling me about the family's farm in Georgia, her small daughter, who looks about three, sidles up offering cookies. I coo. 'You have quite a handful of cookies,' I say, as my uterus skips a beat."

Did she just say that??

What I'm Reading and What I'm Writing

Oftentimes what we write follows something we have read. A style grips us or a topic begs our response. Lauren Winner's candid honesty in her book, "Girl Meets God," inspires me to grab ahold of my thoughts and make them more honest! To further inspire me, a trusted professor a few weeks ago advised me to sit down and write.... write... write.... Clearly, a lot still needs to get worked through because I continue to unlock treasures from my memories of the almost 5 months I spent in the West Bank this year. Whether I will publish an article from these musings(again something my professor enourages), or they will purely alleviate some "emotional constipation" (a term I coined in South Africa in the discipleship group I led), it is a beneficial process. In addition to my full journal from there, I now have 5 pages, single-spaced, and counting. Most of these begin in the present and then flash-back to days in Birzeit or other locales in the West Bank and Israel.

Here are some excerpts:

• (Arrival) I arrived there with little to no expectations. In fact, I was more excited to come to this place than I ever have anywhere.. I remember when I arrived in Africa.. I had this huge, romantic feeling that it was going to be “different”. It wasn’t. It was just like California, with a lot of black people, and gates.
  This time though, I didn’t really like it. I hated the white buildings, I hated the congestion, I hated how it looked nothing like I wanted it to. I wanted it to be barren, just like in my imagination or in childhood Bible storybooks. Nothing like it. Even though the mountain I looked across was Samuel’s and we were riding UP to Jerusalem. It didn’t make much difference. But I wanted to take it in slowly.

• (Arriving at Living Stones) We arrived at Living Stones and did a cultural taboo. We didn’t eat everything. Whoops. We were tired, and just badly wanted to call home. Boy were we happy to – and we were just happy to say we’d made it – maybe in a prideful way, but kind of in a happy way too.

• (Action) I remember my first night there – Chris and I were whisked to Living Stones and we knew that this was another world. What were we doing there? We could only wait. It turns out, we spent most of those early days sitting around our apartment, watching the Office, trying to rent films that worked, trying to figure out how the internet worked, getting ahead on our homework, and cooking whenever we felt hungry. It was laid back, but it was lonely. And isolating, and not really inviting at all. We saw kids playing with toy guns, and that was disturbing. I somehow had trained myself to expect that, so it didn’t seem quite as traumatizing, however I felt moved to action. Within a couple days, I had Chris and me over to the Catholic school in town to talk to the school principal about something active we could do with the kids. They signed us up for their gym classes with the 10 and 11 year-olds because they had gone through this routine more or less when Steven Bush was there (I think). The gym teacher was used to and was eager to work with volunteers. And he loved that idea. I don’t know if Chris was keen on it, and it might have been an area of tension for us, however we needed to work together on something and get our minds off of whatever was (or wasn’t) going on. It turned out to be hilarious. More of a burden than a joy towards the end – but definitely something that we look back on as a positive contribution to our days, and another good way to get to know the situation there.

• (Gaza) Then we met a neighbor on the way back in the elevator who said she would invite us over for coffee sometime. Wow, this sounds normal! We were getting ready to go out and hike around the town, when I think we received a call that we should meet over at our friends' house because two of our friends there wanted to talk to us. We promptly went and were served coffee – all light-hearted and cheery, like it was a normal Sunday afternoon where we are from.
  Then he entered the room and his face looked ashen. He always looks a little ashen and despondent when he has a migraine or something has happened to the car… but we realized this went a lot deeper than that.
  In his broken English, and in his hopeful tone, he told us that something had happened in Gaza to a member of the Bible Society. That Rami, the guy that ran the bookshop in Gaza was killed, taken from outside the shop as he was closing, held captive, tortured, and was killed. His wife has two little boys and another baby on the way. This was real life. This was the real Christian life coming up from the pages of the books and the Bible. They recommended that Chris and I not go out today on our own, or ever after night, but overall they were saying to just “Take Care.”
  
  Instead that afternoon, we went to Ramallah with Imad, his wife Sahhar, and their little son Saleh (she was also 7 months pregnant with their daughter). It was a great trip, however the ride over there was marred with chilling memories. I think this was our first time in a taxi and it seemed like one great adventure. The road twirls and winds its way down to Ramallah. Peering out the dusty, dirty windows at the people and the markets and small apartment buildings that dotted the landscape was cool.
  
  However we stopped abruptly about halfway on our way to Ramallah. An accident had happened, not blocking the road, but causing quite a ruckus like I’d never seen before. People were swarming everywhere over the yellow taxis that had crashed on their sides like toy cars. People were still coming out of them, and I think I saw a woman wailing, with blood coming out of her forehead.

What I've been up to

Summer begins here in Philly with a blast of hot, humid air. It has hovered above 90 F the past few days and we are ready for a rain storm. Summer also begins an interesting season for me as I move out of "transitioning to the States" and head full-force into a job search.

I really want to get back abroad.. but I think the Lord is having me here for many reasons.

I can divide what I've been going through in 3 sections:

1) Family

Coming home has been one of the biggest blessings I've ever experienced. After being the only foreigner, only English-speaker in a war-torn, oppressed place it's been great to be with my family, even though I feel like I could move out again ;) However, it's also given me the feet I need to stand up again and see what I should do next...

2) Friends

I've spent a long time catching up with friends. Having built some relationships with people in the area during grad school, I haven't had much time to catch them up on experiences in the West Bank, and share normal life with them for awhile. That's been a blessing.

3) Discernment

This area involves asking myself three very important questions: Where have I been? Where am I now? Where do I want to be? Having not really stopped since graduation from college, it's been an important time to reflect, think about the people and the places that have constituted the past couple of years, and how I've been led to the place where I am right now.

Prayer Requests:
1. I'm looking into work at AFSC (American Friends Service Committee). They do great work in the West Bank, and all over the world! I have a meeting in the coming days with them!

2. I'm leading at a week-long FOCUS camp in Martha's Vineyard, Mass. and will be giving a talk on the Resurrection. Whew - time for me to get those "talk muscles" from Campus Outreach in gear again!

3. This is a thanksgiving: I'm going to be studying Isaiah with a good friend of mine in the coming months. This is a long-awaited prayer answered for this kind of fellowship, so i'm excited!

Thanks for reading!

My Palestinian Psalm

One of the ways that God has enabled me to deal with some of my deep-down emotions concerning my time in the West Bank is to pray the Psalms with the Palestinians in mind. It's one of the most sure-fire ways I know to get my emotions off my chest and be heard, understood, and comforted.

I suggest doing this for any of the suffering you know. As you read it, you may begin to pray for yourself.. but think about how the Spirit of God transcends national boundaries, colors of skin, and life experiences to bring what is needed to the cry of the soul.

I sat there in my bed about 2 or 3 months ago in Birzeit, using this Psalm for soul, when I found myself connecting with the Palestinians in my prayer. If you know anything of the situation, you can probably see what I mean as you read these words. Let it speak to you.


Psalm 4

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my
glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and
seek false Gods?
Know that the Lord has set apart the
godly for himself;
the Lord will hear when I call to
him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search you hearts and be silent.

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the Lord.

Many are asking, "Who can show us
any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon
us, O Lord.
You have filled my heart with greater
joy
then when their grain and new
wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

Nablus and Saint Photina

"This was the Samaritan woman who had the rare fortune to converse with the Lord Christ Himself at the Well of Jacob, near Sychar (John 4:4-31). Believing in the Lord, Photina afterward went to preach His Gospel with her two sons Victor and Josiah, and with her five sisters, Anatolia, Phota, Photida, Parasceva and Cyriaca. They went to Carthage in Africa. There they were arrested and taken to Rome and thrown into prison during the reign of Emperor Nero. By God's providence, Domnina, the daughter of Nero, came into contact with St. Photina, who converted her to the Christian Faith. After imprisonment they all suffered for the sake of Christ. Photina, who was first enlightened with the light of the truth at the well of Sychar, was now thrown into a well where she died and entered the Eternal Kingdom of Christ." (March 20, The Prologue of Ohrid: Lives of Saints, Hymns, Reflections, and Homilies for Every Day of the Year. Volume One. January to June.)

Today, Photina's encounter is commemorated by the presence of a glorious Greek Orthodox church in the city of Nablus, in the West Bank. Christians still live here, but continually face persecution (not just in Nablus, but all over the West Bank) because of their religion and also the fact that they are Palestinian.

Nablus sits between the mountains Gerazim and Ebal - beautifully nestled in the valley below. The Old city reminds me of the Old city in Jerusalem.

looking from Mt. Gerazim

in the churchthere are still Samaritans that live on Mt. Gerazim!This is the "cage" we walk through after the checkpoint into the Nablus area

Jesus is the Answer.

Trying Picassa

I just downloaded Picassa, since I thought that might be a better way to display pictures :) Here is a random sample of some photos.

This is the herd of sheep that I saw go past my apartment building everyday in Birzeit. I loved it. It was like a reminder of the Lord as my shepherd - and me as a silly sheep.

Above is a short video of Ramallah early one Sunday morning, the weekend that at least 115 Palestinians were killed. These kids came out of school protesting.

This is door of dad's friend Bill Broughton, who's a cannon at St. George's Anglican Cathedral in Jerusalem.