Political Awareness

Ever since I've moved to D.C. my political awareness has been uncovered, like shoots coming up out of the ground after a long winter. I took a looong hiatus after coming back from the West Bank because my heart was dangerously polarized on several issues, and to spend any amount of energy on the stances I had taken after time in the Middle East would have wasted time.

However, coming here has given me freedom again to explore these interests. Time has healed a lot of what was "roughed up," and now I'm in a city where it is normal to explore these things. After having been so affected by anger and hatred in a war-zone, God seemed to shut out all other options except to "love your enemies." And in my heart, whenever I thought about my time there, that's what I tried to do.

I don't know if I'm ever going back there again, but I know that as I revisit these issues and begin to discuss them with people (like a guy from my church who just came back from a trip to Israel/West Bank), I have to keep certain things in mind, as I was reminded this morning as I read a quote from Philip Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew." He says:

"A political movement by nature draws lines, makes distinctions, pronounces judgement; in contrast, Jesus' love cuts across lines, transcends distinctions, and dispenses grace. Regardless of the merits of a given issue - whether a pro-life lobby out of the Right or a peace-and-justice lobby out of the Left - political movements risk pulling onto themselves the mantle of power that smothers love. From Jesus I learn that, whatever activism I get involved in, it must not drive out love and humility, or otherwise I betray the kingdom of heaven."

First Day On The Job

(taken at the National Cathedral, hanging out before the meeting at St. Alban's)

It started when I poured orange juice into my cereal.... ahhh...

But then I ground some coffee beans and had a glorious quiet time in Isaiah 3 and a chapter from Elizabeth Elliot's "Keep a Quiet Heart."

It really isn't my first day on the job. I've technically been "working" on the ground here in D.C. since the 9th of September - but this was the first day of the first week of school meetings.

Tonight was the D.C. Upper School meeting, which currently combines high-schoolers from St. Alban's and National Cathedral - about 12 students tonight. We decided this year to host the meeting on campus, which we hope will attract more "drive-bys" (students who stop in for the pizza.. and then will hopefully stay).

Tonight was a great meeting. After "getting-to-know-you" introductions, and a traveling Pictionary game, Kendra led a study on the Psalms, specifically Psalm 19:1-6. We spoke about how we can get to know God through creation, and how He desires a relationship with us.

My favorite line from the evening came from a 10th grade boy from St. Alban's, a rower. Kendra asked, "How have you seen God in creation?" He replied, "Ok, this might sound kind of cheezy, but have you ever seen a newborn baby?"

This is NOT what I expected from the mouth of a 10-graders. This kid is awesome. Of course, all these kids are awesome, and they remind me again of what a privilege it is to have a front-row seat, watching God in their lives.

A Need for Older Women

This morning I was acutely aware of my need to pour out my heart to an older woman. Though I have an amazing confidant in my mother, and have women I can call - it means a lot to have someone HERE. The busyness and excitement of D.C. which continue to thrill and encourage can make it very easy to put this kind of thing off, but there are still things (there always will be) for which I need immense wisdom and prayer.

Elizabeth Elliot included this quote in her book, "Keep a Quiet Heart," which encouraged me greatly as I begin regular school meetings this week:

"Say not you cannot gladden, elevate, and set free; that you have nothing of the grace of influence; that all you have to give is at the most only common bread and water. Give yourself to your Lord for the service of men with what you have. Cannot He change water into wine? Cannot He make stammering words to be instinct (imbued, filled, charged) with saving power? Cannot He change trembling efforts to help into deeds of strength? Cannot He still, of old, enable you in all your personal poverty 'to make many rich?' God has need of thee for the service of thy fellow men. He has a work for thee to do. To find out what it is, and then to do it, is at once thy supremist duty and thy highest wisdom. 'Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it.'" (Canon George Body, b. 1840)

I'm excited to see who comes along. In New Haven I had former workers in the Middle East, like me. This week I hope to attend a community group from my church on Thursday, and maybe begin meeting in a "triad" from church as well - "a group of three people (women) that gathers weekly over a set period of time for intensive discipleship through prayer, transparency, accountability and Bible study." -that sounds intense! But I am assured that God will provide what I need as I seek it.

D.C.

I'm finally here. I moved about a week and a half ago to an apartment in Capitol Hill that I almost cried over when I entered the threshold. It's awesome. We have 3, yup 3 porches, and the third is a huge one right outside my bedroom. I feel secure and stable here in a way I didn't in New Haven. Perhaps it was because I thought I might move out after a year because of the conditions, but I'm glad I stuck it out :)

D.C. is wonderful. Every day brings me new things to be excited about - whether it's new, secret, tucked-away parks, driving through Rock Creek Park, or seeing the hustle and bustle of Columbia Heights; I still can't get over the excitement of living here. I can walk/run to the Capitol building from my house - and once I get a little more in shape, I'm going to venture down to the Potomac and jog along the river.

My roommates are fantastic. Eden is a nurse practitioner, who's family has had a long history of FOCUS involvement in the GWA (Greater Washington Area). She was in a small group, my first year in New Haven, with my two other co-workers while she was at nursing school. Monica, my other roommate, I have adored since I had her in my freshman bible study (as a sophomore) which I led during my senior year at Davidson. We share similar experiences from our study abroad semesters in Ecuador; as well as many college friends in the area. She is also a nurse practitioner who knew Eden while at nursing school.

My church is awesome. Eden told me about it last year and it sounded like the vibrant, Spirit-seeking church I was attending in New Haven - plus the background in Anglican tradition I love, sound teaching, and a lot of young people! The crazy thing is that my freshman and sophomore year roommate in college, and a friend from my growing up years in Philly also attend the church!

And FOCUS was officially "kicked off" today with a lovely picnic at Fletcher's Cove this afternoon. I was overwhelmed by the support and interest that students, parents, and volunteers showed. We are going to have a fabulous year! I drove 4 students from Episcopal High School (a boarding/day school in Alexandria, VA) to the event, and we're trying to start a meeting there soon. The school is as yet unwelcome to FOCUS meetings on campus.

Of course, I'm intimidated by the year ahead. This is much more student contact than I've ever had before, and I'm going to have to plan my time well to make meetings on time around D.C. traffic patterns. But I feel sent here.

Last week at church, the pastor preached on Paul's time in Corinth. He said how it's no accident that we are in D.C. Whether we're here for an internship or a job, God has CALLED us to this city for a specific reason, for as long as He has appointed us here. I feel God's hand on me here - from picking my roommates and apartment; to garnering the support, enthusiasm, and contacts to begin ministry here. I am extremely thankful.

I pray for myself to be as dependent on God equally in the hard and easy times. And I just pray I can be faithful and find joy during my time here.

Last Talk of the Summer (Middle School Adventure B) (on the Holy Spirit and "going home" after camp)

What is your favorite sport? (field hockey, crew)

Do you have a memorable coach?

What were qualities about these coaches that made them magnificent? (dedication, personal attention) (Ms. Buggy, Mrs. Kanopka)

Imagine your coach leaving right before one of your most important games of the season

Imagine how helpless you would feel

Jesus’ disciples faced a similar predicament –

Night before Jesus dies on the Cross, He tells them that He will die, be raised again, and then go to heaven

Remember: they had given up 3 years of their lives to follow Jesus; their leader was leaving; they weren’t “Christian pro’s” (fishermen, tax collectors, normal)

Jesus doesn’t leave them alone – He gives them a promise that is ours as well – if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we have the Holy Spirit.

2 main things: Who the Holy Spirit is – and then the tools that the Holy Spirit uses to draw us closer to God

First, let’s READ John 14:15-18, 23-27 – to hear what Jesus has to say about the Holy Spirit

This is great news to the disciples who thought they would have to go on alone after all that Jesus had taught them; facing real opposition (remember, all of them but one was killed for believing in Jesus)

We will most likely NOT face death in our lives because of our faith – but we need the SAME assurance that Jesus gives these disciples

Go back to the sports analogy. Imagine if your coach’s instruction, encouragement, and discipline were living inside of you.The Holy Spirit is God living inside of you. This is so much better than a coach!

The Holy Spirit is part of what’s called, the Trinity – God the Father, God theSon, God the Holy Spirit

No perfect analogy to describe this concept

Let me tell you a personal story of how the Holy Spirit has helped me

My junior fall semester in college I spent in Latin America – beauty and poverty

My time there was really difficult emotionally

Stuff I experienced there affected me really deeply.

One of the lies I was believing while I was there: I am ALONE.

One of the first things Jesus says about the Holy Spirit – Spirit of Truth

What’s the opposite of truth? LIES

What are some of the things Jesus says to counter this LIE of being alone?

Truth #1: v.16 “this Counsellor will be with you forever”

REMINDER – I have to write things on my hand all the time. One of the ways the Holy Spirit sends us messages and reminders of truth is through reading the Bible. Sometimes I’ve read a part of the Bible, and felt like the ink was still wet – like God was speaking directly to me. That is the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit also works to give us PEACE in the midst of difficult circumstances. Jesus says specifically in the verses we just read that He gives peace that is different than the world gives.

What does that mean? The peace in this world, we usually have to work for – it takes effort on our part to get peace and quiet in our lives, and it is often beyond our controlThe peace the Holy Spirit gives comes OUT OF our relationship with God that is NOW at peace. If we have accepted Jesus into our Lives – we KNOW who’s in control, and we KNOW He is good.

This last part of my talk is to talk about the TOOLS that the Holy Spirit can us to draw us closer to God

- as I mentioned, reading the Bible reminds us of truth and teaches us more about God – imagine if someone you really loved had written a bunch of love letters, it would be silly to store them all away and never read them – The Bible tells us about who God is, how He feels about us, and what He’s done for us. If the Holy Spirit is our coach, reading the Bible is like reading the play-book

- We’ve been talking about having a relationship with God, and this happens by getting to know Him – just like you would with any new friend. Remember how maybe the first time you talk to a friend on the phone it’s kind of awkward, you’re not used to their voice – but if you talk to them often – you get to recognize their voice! It’s like that with God – the more time you spend listening to Him in prayer and reading His word, the more you will recognize His voice. He will tell you when you are wrong, and when you are right. And most of all, He will remind you, like I said, that you are loved by Him

- Another tool: Fellowship. Fellowship is simply a fancy word spending time with other Christians. The purpose is to encourage us in our faith and relationship with God. Just like God designed us to be in relationship with Him, He desires us to be in relationship with each other – relationships that are based on Him. It’s like spending time with your teammates. You can’t play a game very well if you don’t know your teammates. It also makes the game so much more enjoyable. If they are Christians, they also have the Holy Spirit, so like in a game, they will also remember the “coach’s” instructions and encouragement.

- Lastly, God calls us to love one another – not just our teammates, but others who don’t know God. And one of the ways we can love them is to tell them about God and what He has done in our lives. One thing that is so fantastic about the Holy Spirit is that it can create change in us that others notice before we do – and that can make them want the peace and the joy that we have because Jesus is King in our lives. Remember how a leader told Rihanna how much she had changed since her last camp? That’s the Holy Spirit at work in her!

Guys – I want you to know that you are not alone. Like Heather said, the invitation to know God is waiting for you. And once you RSVP, the Holy Spirit begins working in your life and will be with you forever

I’m going to close with Isaiah 43:1-3 “This is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob; He who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, you God, the Holy One of Israel.”

Passion Pit - Little Secrets - i've been obsessed with this song.. and video

Crossroads B

What an amazing camp. It's unbelievable that I have two more week-long camps left of this summer. Crossroads B is a camps specifically geared for students going into either 9th or 10th grades.

The camp began with a hilarious and memorable afternoon in Vineyard Haven. Around 11:30 on the first day of camp, I picked up some early arrivals from the airport - a girl from Richmond, and a girl from Baltimore. Both of these girls I became pretty tight with as the camp went on. We decided to head into Vineyard Haven, as students weren't technically allowed to be "on site" until later in the afternoon. We went to get sandwiches at Mocha Motts, and as we sat down, a large man and his friend asked us to watch his dog for us. This would have been fine, except this dog was clearly a watch-dog, and very scary. It got riled up as it saw other dogs, which intimidated the three of us. However, thanks to our kindness to this stranger, he gave us a combined $30 gift certificate to the store he owned down the street!! I guess it pays to help a stranger out :)

My cabin was a hoot. These girls had me and my co-cabin leader, Corbin, in stitches every evening. The patience and love we showed this girls became more and more fun as we got to know this crop of girls who were mostly all originally from DC. There were a bunch of students from DC, so that was wonderful. I now feel like vision for my future work is growing :)

Fellowship Talk at Internship One

given on Friday morning, July 16th -


Fellowship talk at Internship One

INTRO

Two years ago I came up to this study center to lead at Internship One, a total wreck. I had just flown back to the States from the West Bank (which is next to Israel) two months before my arrival here.
So fresh in my mind was this experience that I had just had of spending six months in the West Bank, working at a university student center in a town, hanging out with students, and learning about the political situation there up close.

If anyone knows anything about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, you know that it is incredibly complex, emotionally charged, and honestly seemingly hopeless.
And that’s exactly how I felt – conflicted, emotionally charged, and hopeless.
I had honestly had gone to my limit emotionally and physically.

Not only that, but I also felt like a total failure because I had had to leave about a month and a half early. I wasn’t able to handle the emotional and physical toll this experience was having on me. So therefore, when I arrived at the study center in early July 2008, I was also wrestling with guilt and shame, on top of the immense grief and anger I felt from my time in the West Bank.

I came up to Internship because Jon-Marc had asked me to, on a previous program that summer that I also volunteered at. I should have actually been job-searching, but the fun and the emotional space, and more importantly, the connection with God and with other Christians that I had been given on that previous program showed me that I needed to lead at Internship for my spiritual survival.

However, showing up at the vineyard in the state I was in, felt like showing up to a group project badly prepared – You know what that’s like. You feel awful about it, but there is nothing you can do. There’s only so much of a front you can put up before people around you realize what a mess you truly are.

But what helped me overcome that initial fear was that I’d known enough about Christian fellowship and my experience at FOCUS programs, to know that the people I was going to be with would show love and grace, regardless.

So, instead of having people shun me, feel sorry for me, or scold me for the emotional and spiritual darkness I was going through, I remember feeling totally accepted for who I was, HOW I was – but then ALSO encouraged toward transformation that only God could bring.

I remember the first night I was there at the study center, sitting around in this barn with a couple of the leaders even before the students got there – just praying for each other – hearing about where we were emotionally and spiritually coming into the program, and our greatest expectations and greatest fears about the camp that lay ahead.

Three things happened in that time that sum up what true Christian fellowship is all about. And you might want to write this down (possibly overhead ECW)

There was encouragement, comfort, and we wrestled in prayer for one another.
(I’m going to say that again).
There was encouragement, comfort, and we wrestled in prayer for one another.

I didn’t just get this from my head, Paul talks about it in a passage in Colossians.

I want to show you how Paul and fellow Christian friends experienced this kind of fellowship.
Let’s look at Colossians 4:7-18. Everyone please turn there. Please look up when you have it.
(READ passage

Let me give you some context to this passage. As we’ve said before in other talks, while Paul is writing this letter to the Colossians, he is in prison. You might have a title above this section in your Bible that says something like, “Final Greetings.” He wants to address these people directly, or pass along greetings.

Imagine a few weeks from now that you want to write a letter to some people from this internship. You might use language that shows how much these relationships mean to you.

Paul uses some dear language here to describe and communicate how important these relationships are to him.

So where do we see ENCOURAGEMENT, COMFORT, AND WRESTLING IN PRAYER?

ENCOURAGEMENT
Remember how I said Paul was separated from these people? Why does he send Tychicus? He sends him so that the Colossians could know about how Paul was doing. Because they were concerned. How does Paul describe Tychicus? As a dear brother.

Think about people that have encouraged you – What does encouragement do?

It literally means to give courage to another’s heart.

Maybe you’ve had a coach that pressed you on further than you thought possible. Perhaps you have people back at home, or here that have given courage to your heart to face tough situations at home or at school.

COMFORT
How do we see comfort in this passage? It seems that in v.11, Paul describes his friendship with Justus as a real comfort to him. Why? Because he is one of the only workers for the Jews among him.

Imagine moments where you have been lonely, and all of a sudden a friend shows up, and their presence is reassuring to you.

WRESTLING
Finally, what does it mean to wrestle in prayer? Where do we see it here in this passage? Paul describes Epaphras as someone that has wrestled in prayer for the Colossians.

How many of you have ever wrestled? I’m sure some of the guys have! I’m not an expert on wrestling, but I know it’s not easy. That’s why sometimes wrestling in prayer often is called “laboring” in prayer. Agonizing, struggling over something – with God.

FINALLY
Paul talks about in v. 12, if you look at it, that there is a further goal to fellowship than just experiencing encouragement, comfort, and wrestling in prayer. The purpose is that God gives us the gift of fellowship, of other Christians in our lives to accomplish this:
That we would stand firm in the will of God; that we would be mature; and that we would be fully assured of what we believe (go back to overhead)

Let me go back to my story for a little bit.

As the camp progressed, I sensed a massive “culture” of acceptance, of grace, of acknowledging our weaknesses to each other in freedom; of correcting each other in love. Amazing things happened among our community - People acknowledged areas to one another in their lives where they had been struggling over eating disorders, lust, and depression – and we able to call out the lies we believed, the “philosophies” that we’d been taught and had been engrained within us; and then acknowledge the truth of God that could combat these lies that we’d struggled with for so long.
And within this “culture of grace,” I like to call it – we could bring each other to the ONE that we all knew could really take care of our sorrows and our struggles.

Ok, so that first night of Internship 2008, having a place to voice these circumstances I had just come out of and be prayed for, began the process of transformation.

This is because we were ENCOURAGING one another.

We were COMFORTING one another.
We were, in essence, dressing each other’s wounds of hurt and bitterness through our patience with one another, and just mere presence as we hung out.
And we also WRESTLED in prayer for one another.
We met each other in prayer and brought each other before the only true Healer.

It was a culture that was founded on and moved ahead by our love for God – and foundationally and essentially – His love for us and acceptance of us.

And this encouragement, comfort and wrestling in prayer did not end there. It’s NOT supposed to. God desires to give us what we need at home, wherever we are – that we may be encouraged, comforted, and prayed for.

I know what you’re thinking – “I see that at work here! But I really want to see that at home… HOW does that happen when I’m not around all these people again, and in this context?”

How do think Paul became friends with these people that he says are encouraging, comforting and that have wrestled in prayer?

Well, how do you become friends with people?
You live your lives with them. This is nothing fancy.
How do you think college friends are often so much closer than any other friends than any other stage in life? Life is lived together, doing not just the spiritual things of prayer, but you also eat meals with together, walk to class together.

I don’t think Paul would have made many friends if he was constantly in intense conversations or prayer all the time.
However, he knew the value of fellowship. And he knew that at its core, if it is to grow us more assured of what God wants for our lives, it would include encouragement, comfort, and wrestling in prayer for one another.

I’m going to leave you all with a final story about fellowship, and I hope this encourages you (hey!) to think practically and also intentionally.

In New Haven, every Sunday night, after church, my friends and I would gather at someone’s house, have dinner and play games – like literally, the same games we play here at FOCUS during game time or downtime. Now, let me tell you something about this group of people. It was incredibly random.….. We had a Yale graduate student in sculpture, a University of New Haven grad student in forensic psychology, 3 FOCUS staff workers, a coach, a teacher, a scientist, and an architect. If you think our professions were diverse, you should have seen our personalities. However as hosts, and as Christians, we accepted each other, and we kept our focus on Christ. And because of this, the love that we had for each other spread throughout our community and many of our friends that would NEVER even think to talk about their spiritual beliefs, started coming to church and asking us questions about our lives.

A final thing that I want to say about fellowship is this.

You might now know where to start. You may not have many Christian friends where you are, but I would ask you to pray about it.

These relationships at Internship One will continue, as they did for me after two years ago.
Ask God to provide for you, and He will. We were not made to be dependent on our experiences at camp, as Jon-Marc talked about last night. We were made to live in fellowship always – to have this encouragement, comfort, and wrestling with prayer for and with one another at all stages and seasons of our life.

Internship One 2010

I just got back from weeding at Felix Neck Bird Sanctuary with about 12 students, and earlier this morning, directed a "FOCUS"-version triathlon. I was actually pretty overwhelmed with these tasks just 24 hours ago.

To direct this triathlon, I and another leader had to figure out where students would be stationed, when, how, and what exactly we needed to do to make a successful race involving a 1/4 mile swim, 1 mile run, 1 mile bike ride, another 1 mile bike ride, a final 1 mile run, and then a short sprint carrying members of the team. It felt like a massive SAT math problem. But everyone was into it!

More importantly, this morning in our staff devotions, one of the leaders led some thoughts and prayer out of Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

This was very confirming, that even though working through the logistics of this triathlon was a pain, it would definitely be worth it.

The weeding was a part of the service aspect of our program which comes out of the teaching program for this camp which we are taking out of the book of Colossians.

Even though I find myself somewhat distracted at this camp because of certain circumstances in my life - God is clearly at work among this 40 prep school students on the Vineyard. "Hoo-ray," as Richard Gwathmey (long-time Philly staffworker would say).

A Gift

Soon after I left New Haven, a talented friend of mine made a piece of art for me as a going-away gift. I didn't realize how meaningful it would be.

She took two of my favorite U2 songs, and extracted a certain portion of the lyrics, and watercolored the background.

The lyrics are from "Bad" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)"

This is the piece in entirety:

And this is what she wrote about it:

"I'm glad you got the gift! I never found time to write a card to go along with it. It would have explained what I was thinking with the piece- it's small but I think it came out more powerful than I imagined- I'm so glad these were your favorite songs. I was baffled by how deep the lyrics were and how in my mind, the lines that I extracted from the two songs fit together so well. The lyrics for the first song, though I've never heard it in full before, just seemed somber but real. I feel like this is our reality. Apart from Christ, this is where we are, struggling through different situations of painful desperation- and the words they chose were perfect to express the anguish. I imagined this as a note to us from Jesus- "Let it go, let these things go" and in a sense it is a cry of empathy for us, but it is also a command. "What more in the name of love" referring to His sacrifice, that washed away all the chains and oppression of this reality, He is saying 'What more can I ask- my sacrifice is perfect. Let it go, I have better for you."
I don't know, I looked at that combo over and over after I put it together and I just kept hearing the Spirit tell me that the grasp sin has over us might not be as tight as I imagine it to be. That in my fear, in my oppression, I give it power, but He can and will enpower me to let go and be free in Christ. I want that for you too. I want us to know what it looks like to love and live in freedom because of Christ."

The Rain

The rain is strangely soothing. When it pours, you can't do anything. All you can do is listen to it - and that is all you need to do.

I'm in the midst of much transition. Some of my readers may notice that I've entirely changed my blog (this happens each time I move). Instead of moving across the ocean, I'm moving down the coast of the eastern U.S., into the heart of D.C. It's what I've always wanted - but this is not exactly how I'd imagined it coming about.

As a young, bright, and naive political science major fresh out of college, I knew that the heart of the political pulse of America is D.C. and that one day, if I hoped to change the world in a "social action" way, I would live there. I still carry what that education taught me (plus a grad degree now); but I'm coming as the servant of something much larger than my own ego or dreams or definitions of "change" I'd learned in those classes. I'm much more sobered and balanced; and God knew I wouldn't have done any good moving to D.C. back then.

The dreams I dreamed then though were not only real, but many have been and are definitely being answered in much larger ways than I realize. Working for FOCUS has healed so many things that I never dared to pray would get better. But when our boss told us (me and Kendra) in January that our jobs were being cut after August for financial reasons, I could see that God was putting something new into motion. I still don't fully understand what or why this happening. I can barely imagine what this move will bring. Like a steady rain storm that drowns out all other sound but the pelting of precipitation, New Haven brought me to a point in which I stopped all the "activity" that had been filling my life, and I sat immovably fixed inside the well of God's resources for awhile, shoring up valuable resources until the time He chose for the skies to clear.

Well, in a way they have. Restoration surely happened and I'm eager to burst out of the gates and figure out what this new season is all about. But this rain storm reminds me that there is a flood of resources and peace abounding, which I tend to forget on bright and sunny days.

I grieve the loss of doing ministry in the New England Boarding Schools (NEBS). I tremble at the responsibilities ahead in the Greater Washington Area (GWA). I hope God comes and brings a rain storm once in awhile and I have a strong hunch, He will.

A talk that I never ended up giving

A few weeks ago, Rob, our boss, volunteered me to speak at an event we were having near a girl's school in Farmington, CT. Well, it turned out to be a terrible weekend for about every boarding school student we knew, and as a result, no one could come.

However, writing this talk was a richly rewarding experience. People prayed for me that I would learn new things about myself and God - and that definitely happened.

For some reason, several weeks ago, the parable of the Prodigal Son was on my mind. Perhaps my spirit needed reassurance of God's love. I also might have been thinking about how the role of the elder son played into the story - since that is the character I most resemble in the parable.

Jesus actually highlights the character of the elder son, if you look closely at the story. He is preaching this story both to reckless sinners, and reckless stuck-up religious freaks (who think they know everything). He points the story to these latter group of people - making sure they are aware that, not only are they rejecting God's mercy, but they are failing to enjoy and relish in a great party. May I never think I am beyond God's mercy and grace.

Here is the talk, as I have it written out in my notes:

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine from high school posted some old photos of us on facebook. Photos of us from high school. Be warned – a couple years from now, your friends will be posting embarrassing photos of you too.
However I was really struck by two of the photos I was tagged in. I looked like two different people. In one of them, which was taken at our prep school – I looked like a little J.Crew model with a smile that was really contrived and fake.
In the other, I looked like a stoned-out girl (like most of my friends) who rejected the conformity that we lived in at school.
I was caught between two worlds. In school, at Episcopal Academy, I played the Christian girl role – no drinking, no cussing, always modest. But I was never really myself, and I really resented the fact that this “Christian role” put so many boundaries on my freedom. I was starting to resent my faith.
On the weekends, however it was a slightly different story. The rebellious side of me came out. But this was never who I really was either. And what was harder was that my friends really knew that.

So why was I living a life of split-personalities?
I realize as I look back that my view of God was split in two ways; being really good and thinking that my life was all about conformity to God’s rules; and being really bad and going wildly in the other direction away from all I knew was right. The tension was enormous. Though I had been raised in a Christian home and had called myself a Christian for many years, I was unaware that there was a third option – an invitation to know this God better and understand what a life based on Him really meant.

So you might be surprised to know that there are actually two ways to run away from God - either by being very, very bad; or by being very, very good. Really? You can run from God by being good?
But how is that possible, you may ask?
Well, Jesus shows us how it’s possible in the story of the Prodigal Son, which is actually a story about two sons and a father – and how they deal with three things REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION.

Like watching a movie, Jesus told his listeners this parable to connect them with certain recognizable themes of human nature and therefore teach them what it means to put faith in Him.

So as we read the story, keep those three words in mind: REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION

READ Luke 15:11-32

REJECTION – a wrong view of God
Remember the three R’s we’re looking for? REJECTION, REUNION, and REDEMPTION
How do we see REJECTION in this story? These two sons that reject their father in different ways.
YOUNGER SON
We see the younger son rejecting his father by immediately demanding his full share of the estate (basically wishing he were dead). He squanders it and is obviously reckless in his stewardship of the money. It kind of reminds me of Paris Hilton; as one of the more reckless heiress’ of the Hilton fortune.
We don’t know exactly why the son rejects his father, but he obviously thinks that he can have a better life far away from home and far away from his father.

How do we see rejection with the elder son? It is far more subtle. Though he obeys everything his father tells him to do, he thinks of himself as a slave in his father’s house, and not as a son. The elder son has no real love for his father.

It was kind of like how I viewed God when I was in high school. My obedience was far more out of an attitude of slavery than love. Like the elder son’s relationship with his father, my faith was characterized more by resentment than joy, and I saw myself as more of a slave than a child of a Father.

Jesus shows us through these two sons that we can also reject God in similar ways. Like the younger son, we reject God when we decide that what we want for our lives is FAR better than what God wants. We say, “Give me what you have NOW.. and I’ll spend it in exactly the opposite way you said.”

Like the elder son, we can also reject God by viewing Him as a slave master, not thinking he really loves us. We therefore don’t really love Him and end up living out of bondage to Him.

Both of these rejections are called sin. It’s what separates us from God and all that He wants for us.

REUNION – the Father goes out to meet them

Let’s turn to the second R letter. Do you remember what is was? REUNION

The Father is in an interesting situation. He has two sons that bitterly hate him and respond to him in vastly different ways. One son outrightly denies him; and the other seemingly respects him for a long time, but is only paying lip service. What is amazing is that the Father goes out of his way to BOTH of them to receive them back into relationship with himself.

With the younger son, he excessively expresses his joy at his son’s return – even though the son only expects his father to take him back as a servant at best. It’s kind of like one of those classic movie scenes where you can almost see the Father running at slow motion toward his son, face full of emotion. We don’t really know what the son’s face showed, probably dread, shock, and then joy. But this reunion is backed up with the best the father can offer, a great party.

When the older son refuses to come join the party, the father also goes out to him, pleading with him; and ultimately inviting him to better understand what kind of father he actually is – one that would never deny his son anything – if only his son would see that this relationship is one of freedom and joy, not slavery.

I know for me; I was finally blown away when I realized that God not only ran out to forgive me for my rebellion and distrust of Him, but also for the ways I had viewed Him as a task-master.

REDEMPTION
So we have REJECTION, REUNION, and now REDEMPTION

Redemption means to buy or win back. It also means to free from captivity by payment.

The younger son is offered redemption – total acceptance back into the family. It would be like if at boarding school, a student that was expelled was allowed to come back, and not only allowed to come back, but placed in the honor classes and given the best seats on student councils.

In this story, the younger son takes up his father’s offer, and is thoroughly invited back into relationship with his dad. He is clothed with a new life, called redemption.

It is interesting however that we don’t know whether the elder son takes up his father’s offer to come join the party.

But here’s the Good News for both of them, if they receive the father’s offer, they have full rights again as sons, and a greater understanding of their father’s love for them that will change EVERYTHING.


CONCL

This is where Jesus leaves us in the story.

As the narrator, Jesus shows us that there are two ways to rebel against God. Like a true or false question, we can either agree with what Jesus says about Himself, or we cannot. However, there are two ways to disagree – one of them being far less subtle than the other. Both of these are called sin. This is the REJECTION illustrated in the story.
We can strike out in opposition to a relationship with God by saying we know what’s best for ourselves however we feel is right; by either being very good or very bad.

In all of this though, there was a price to be paid. Jesus tells this parable to point to himself, that the only way to be in a relationship with God is through Him. God can’t just receive us back into relationship with Himself without the problem of sin being dealt with.

The Cross was where the ultimate price was paid for ransom from our captivity to sin. This is where the REUNION is offered and REDEMPTION can be ours. Without Christ’s death on a Cross, we cannot be in relationship with God; because this Father must punish sin, by death. However, if, when offered this opportunity for REUNION, we take it, the Good News is that we then have a New Life – REDEMPTION.

When I realized this, summer going into my junior year of high school, it changed everything. Though I was already a Christian, I accepted this invitation to know God better as the Father that really does offer everything that is good to us.

How about you? What’s your impression of Christianity? Is it all rule-keeping? Is it more about what you’ve done for God; or is it about what God has done for us? This story is one of many examples in the Bible that shows us the Good News - that being a Christian is about God coming out to meet us in our rejection of Him through Jesus Christ.

Do you stand there before God like the self-sufficient son, thinking that you can come to God with your good works? Or will you be like the younger son and decide to wear that cloak and join the party that was made for you?

Nashat Filmon

My colleague from grad school (Eastern University) talks about the war from the view of a Palestinian Arab Christian. It's awesome. I have been blessed by him and his other colleagues that I was privileged to work with when I was in the West Bank.

Time in Boston

Last Monday I met a FOCUS student on the North End and we had a blast of an afternoon. Boston is fantastic, and I hadn't hung out there in awhile, though I go there about every other week to a school. This girl and I met last year at a FOCUS leadership retreat and realized we had very similar experiences in high school. So she basically deals with similar issues I dealt with high school. Beyond that, we also share a love of international politics and delicious ethnic food (especially Middle Eastern food!).

We walked around the North End, popping in and out of Italian pastry shops, and then ate delicious falafel sandwiches in a tucked away, Middle Eastern grocery store! We spent 2 hours talking in another Italian pastry shop sipping away at our coffee and tea, biting into a chocolate mousse pastry, and talked about faith, boys, and college.

For dinner, I hung out with another delightful girl who goes to a boarding school and I took her out to an Indian restaurant she'd never been to, but badly wanted to check out. It was Bollywood themed - right down to the actors and actresses' pictures under the glass on the table. We talked about random, hilarious things - which, in the midst of her heavy workload, and my deep-conversation packed day, was a lot of fun.

I headed back to the other girls' house where I talked with her parents and siblings over their meal of salad and pasta, and then homebaked cookies (made with molasses). We chatted about FOCUS, family, and future plans.

It's always nice to meet students' families because it gives you a much larger picture of their lives, as well as introducing a more holistic picture for ministry to that student. Not to mention the important fact that families get to put a face to a name when they hear their kids talk about "this FOCUS staff person" that comes to their games or takes them out for coffee!

I really enjoyed that day, and I look forward to more as spring approaches. These students are so special and reveal so much of the Lord's love to me every time I hang out with them. It is a joy to know them, even more to dig deeper in their hearts and see the fruition of faith in their lives.

Lunch Meeting

I just finished a meeting at a girl's school near Hartford, CT. Apparently these girls had been meeting on their own for weeks for fellowship and bible study without telling us! Well, that's boarding school students for you - independent and full of initiative.

After walking through their busy cafeteria to get a salad, I followed these girls upstairs to a lounge area, lit by some skylights. I didn't have a bible study planned because I told these girls I just wanted to sit in. However, they introduced me with much fanfare and the girls gushed about the awesome times they had enjoyed at camp this past summer. I look forward to next week when we can actually sing FOCUS songs with a guitar (instead of accompella, trying to remember them, to give the girls a "taste" of camp) and actually dig into the word.

Then one of the girls wanted to practice giving a school tour with me. I could have stayed longer, but these girls needed to do their homework and I look forward to being there next week, hopefully with Kendra, and maybe we could go out to Starbucks afterwards.

Yes, this job is amazing.

God's crazy direction

Sometimes, I reach points in my life that are absolutely blank pages. It's crazy how they happen. God shuts a door (I don't really know how they happen), and then I find myself somewhere amazing - much more amazing than I could have planned.

As a bit of encouragement and reflection, I'm going to list some of those moments now:

- At Davidson, when I didn't get the hall counselor position. I remember I looked at the world map over my roommate, Mary Donoghue's bed, and decided Ecuador was the place to study abroad!

- Independent study in Ecuador: Where the heck was I going to go? Well, I knew I wanted to be in the Amazon, working with an indigenous political organziation. But one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Ecuador in the first place was because of stories I'd heard growing up of Elizabeth and Jim Elliot. Wouldn't you know it that I ended up working with the indigenous organziation the represents the Waorani's to the Ecuadorian government.

- Field semester in grad school: I was trying to get back to South Africa, but felt less and less peace about it, and finding it frustratingly hard to get a work or volunteer position there. I had ALWAYS wanted to go to the "Holy Land." And wouldn't you know it, I ended up working with university students (awesome!) right smack in areas where Americans don't normally go (sweet!). And I also learned some of the biggest lessons of my life.

- Working for FOCUS: Now, THAT was random :) I needed tremendous emotional and spiritual healing after the West Bank. So I ended up with some of the best co-workers and supportive staff team I've ever had, with an organization I grew up with, and spent a summer on Martha's Vineyard!! The work is such a blessing!

Conclusion: God is crazy, creative, and intimately personal. He knows what I want before I ask. What's even more amazing is that I don't deserve it. Timothy 1:9 (New International Version)
who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,